


Chasing Solace

by OmniAni



Series: Take My Hand And Home We'll Go [6]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fanfiction, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Reader-Insert, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2020-10-06 11:30:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 71,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20506250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OmniAni/pseuds/OmniAni
Summary: After a century of cryosleep, Y/N Kane and her friends touch down on their new home Planet Alpha. It's beautiful beyond anything they've ever seen, but behind that allure is something dangerous. Their new home harbors dark secrets that just might keep them from the peace they all desire - and get someone killed. Welcome to season 6 of the 100.





	1. Sanctum

**Author's Note:**

> Starting right off with some light smut here, which is about as intense as I'll go...if you're here, you've read the other ones before and know I'm not smut heavy cuz I can't take it seriously lmao. Hopefully you enjoy it!

"Can you see it? Is it beautiful? It is in my dreams. I hope we do better there. I hope your lives there will be as happy as mine has been. Be the good guys. May we meet again."

We all murmured _may we meet again _in response to Monty's video. Bellamy and I had woken a select few of our friends to show them what Monty did for us. For all of us. Murphy's arm was still in a sling, healing from the bullet wounds he'd taken a century ago. Emori stood beside him, a gentle hand on his shoulder. Clarke was crying. Raven, Shaw, and Echo all stood with their hands in their pockets or crossed over their chest, staring out the window at the ever magnificent planet beneath us. 

Silence fell, as they all continued to drink in the sight. Home. We'd finally have a home that wasn't on the brink of disaster. 

"I know this is a lot to process," Bellamy said, breaking the quiet. "Take an hour, and meet in the mess. We need to game this out."

Leaning against Bellamy, hardly containing my smile, I tried to be reassuring. I knew how scary it was to touch down on a planet we had no knowledge of. I was terrified myself. But I was optimistic. Maybe dangerously so. "Guys, we survived. Monty made sure of it."

"Now, we get our humanity back," Abby said, quoting my father. My smile faltered, and Bellamy's arm around me drew me ever closer. I closed my eyes and breathed through the wave of sorrow that washed over me. He wasn't in good condition. As long as he stayed in cryo, he had a chance to pull through. But I was still scared. 

"Some of us never lost it," Raven replied harshly. It was clearly a jab at the Griffins. I didn't know what happened in the village while I was outside the valley, but it had pissed off Raven to no end. Or maybe she was just upset about Monty and Harper. That, I understood. Part of me wished they had stayed with us. But they chose happiness, chose the noble cause of finding a way for us to be happy too. I would have done the same. And I was eternally grateful. 

I didn't try to comfort her, or press her. She'd share her feelings when she wanted to. Raven stormed out of the bridge and headed for the mess hall, grabbing her jacket on the way. Shaw chased after her. About half an hour passed and I assumed they'd found a way to cheer Raven up. I was half-inclined to do the same with Bellamy before things got serious and depressing again. 

No, I was _incredibly _inclined. I needed a break, and the others still needed time to soak in our new reality. Smiling coyly, I twined my fingers with Bellamy's and tilted his face towards mine with a delicate finger. 

"Hey Blake," I said, in as sultry a voice as possible. "It's getting a bit cold out here, don't you think?" 

Bellamy raised an eyebrow. "No, I'm pretty comfortable, actually." 

My eyes flickered to his lips and then back to his gaze. "Well, I'm sure there are ways to get even _more _comfortable..." 

He shrugged, dark eyes twinkling. "Not really. This is about as good as it gets."

"I'm inclined to disagree. You can't do better than me," I murmur, leaning into him, batting my eyelashes against his cheek. "Especially in bed."

"Ehh," Bellamy said, pulling away from me with a smile. "I don't know about that, firecracker. I've had a lot of experience."

Irritated, I blew a stray hair out of my face. "Do you have to make everything so difficult, Bellamy? You're making this less fun." 

"Or maybe your flirting is a little rusty," Bellamy offered. 

I rolled my eyes. "I'll have you know, my flirting skills are in perfect shape. Maybe I should test it out on someone else, show you just how true that is." 

I turned away from him, but he grabbed my wrist and spun me back around. A smile broke out on my face. "Jesus, Bel, just take me to an empty stateroom." 

"I love you," he whispered, pulling me out of the bridge and into the hall. 

I pushed him against a silver wall, and kissed him lightly. "Then show me just how much." 

Bellamy pushed back against me, and in a whoosh of air, suddenly the wall was to my back and he had me pinned. Both of us were grinning like idiots. He cupped my face and kissed me fiercely, lighting me from my core, burning through me as if every vein in my body was glowing with love, lust, pure heat. 

"How's that?" He asked, pulling my hands above my head, locking them there. 

"I think you might have to try again, just so I can get a better read, get you some real accurate feedback," I replied, tilting my head upwards, desperate for another kiss like that. 

Bellamy cocked his head to the side, pulling back just far enough that I couldn't reach him. "I dunno. The famous Y/N Kane, fiercest warrior in the land, just and revered leader, at my mercy. Not a chance that comes around often." 

Teasingly, I narrowed my eyes, gently struggling against his hold on me. "Keep it up and you might never get another chance again." 

"As if you could resist me."

"Please, I could go longer than you." A moment passed, filled with hot tension searing the cool air between us. Pleasure was already revving through my body. Bellamy raised a challenging eyebrow, accompanied by a smirk, and I knew I wouldn't make it. "Damnit, just kiss me Blake."

He closed the distance between us. Our lips locked together in a hungry, breathless desperation for passion. My eyes fluttered closed as I parted my lips, allowing him entry. Bellamy released my hands, and I threw them around his neck, pulling him ever closer, craving his touch, his warmth, the way he sent bolts of electricity across my body. 

I giggled as he lifted me in his arms and half-carried me, half-stumbled towards the nearest unoccupied stateroom. By the time I was on the bed, my jacket was in a heap on the floor and the buttons of my pants undone. Hungrily, driven by desire, I hastily pulled Bellamy's clothes off and drew my fingers down his bare back. 

"Like what you see?" He asked, ever so cocky. 

"I've seen better," I teased, pulling off my shirt. "I've had experience too." 

Bellamy kissed my neck, leaving my skin tingling in the wake of his light touch. "And how am I doing so far?" 

I ran my hands through his curls, biting my lip as pleasure washed through me when his hands began to roam. "I'd put you in the top ten, I guess." 

"Ouch. Guess I have to try a little harder." 

I moaned when intense, heated pleasure coursed through me. "Okay, fine. You got me. Bellamy Blake, you're the best I've ever had. Probably because you're the only one I've ever loved." 

He halted for a moment, staring down at me with surprise and love etched across his face. "Really?" 

I let my hands stray below his waist. "Really. I liked a lot of people before you. But the depth of the love I feel for you, the magnitude of it...nothing can compare. Nothing."

Bellamy's breath hitched as my hands wrapped around him. "It's like you took the words right out of my mouth."

I grinned. "I'm sure you can find something else in there to boost my ego."

"You never fail to take my breath away. Every time I look at you, I wonder how you can be real. How can I be staring at a goddess? You are incredible, Y/N Kane. And no truer words have ever been spoken." 

"Shit, Bel, you really know how to turn me on." 

With that, we descended on each other. Euphoria seeped into my bones, tingled across my skin, stole my breath away. Our names echoed through the room as we both reached heights of rapture I never knew was possible. 

When it was over, I felt more alive than when I'd come out of a dangerous fight victorious. I never wanted the feeling to end. But unfortunately, we had the fate of humanity to decide. 

Bellamy helped me back into my clothes, and put my jacket over my shoulders. I didn't need the assist, but I liked that he did it anyway. It was gentle, considerate. Comfortable. I liked being comfortable like him. As if we were a normal happy couple that didn't spend the majority of our life fighting for survival. 

Hand in hand, clothes slightly ruffled, we made our way to the bridge. 

"I'm pretty sure that will not help," Echo was saying as we entered; the last to come. 

Jordan smiled at us when we entered, clearly taking in our disheveled states. "There you are! Checking on Madi?" 

I cleared my throat and exchanged a glance with Bellamy. "Uh, yeah." 

Everyone else knew that was a lie, but I wasn't about to start corrupting Monty's son. Not yet, anyway. I broke away from Bellamy and approached Jordan who was staring at a tray with four silver bowls on it. 

"My dad preserved this for when we woke up," he explained. "I'm told it doesn't taste very good. But, since it's all I've ever eaten..." 

Jordan handed me a bowl of incredibly unappetizing algae stew. I smiled softly and looked down at it. Monty made this for us. As much as I hated the idea of eating the algae, I couldn't deny the last thing one of my best friends made for me. Plus, I needed to indulge the grumbling of my stomach. 

"Thanks," I said. 

"Abby's not touching hers, by the way," Jordan said nodding to Abby who was staring at the wall. Clarke seemed to be trying to talk to her, but clearly wasn't getting through.

I sighed. "She's worried about my father. Maybe I'll go talk to her."

Jordan slammed his palm to his forehead. "Oh, Kane, I forgot! Uh, stay here." 

He bounded off, leaving me rather confused. God, that kid was so buoyant. Reminded me of the first time I met Jasper and Monty. A pang of sorrow struck my chest. I loved the kid already.

"Hey you guys know where Raven and Shaw are?" I asked, as I headed for the table where Clarke was standing to get her own bowl of algae. 

Emori input, glaring daggers at Clarke, "You know, the people you handed over to our enemy to be tortured?"

Murphy grunted. "Now, for Clarke, we call that a Tuesday." 

I threw her a pitiful glance. It seemed I was about the only one who'd come close to forgiving her. "Easy. She did the right thing in the end. And no. I haven't seen them." 

I took a seat beside Abby. "Hey. Abby, you've gotta eat. It could be a while before we find a food source."

She startled at my voice and turned to look at me. She looked worse than I'd ever seen her; streaks of gray in her hair, eyes gaunt and tortured with worry. "What I need is a source for propofol or pentobarbitol." 

I pursed my lips to keep them from trembling. I wanted that too. I wanted Abby to save my father. We were so close to a happy life, one where we could do better. I didn't want to see it through without him getting to see it. 

"Will first culture algae do?" Jordan piped up from behind us. "My dad wanted me to give this to you." 

I stared at the clear cylinder filled with dark green fluid. "The stuff Bellamy used on Octavia." 

Jordan nodded. "Exactly. The first generation induces coma. He was hoping you could use it to save your father."

He handed me the cylinder, and I rolled it over in my fingers before giving it to Abby. A spark of hope blossomed in my chest. I saw the same hope light in Abby's eyes. We had a chance. 

"Thank you," Abby said, smiling. Jordan beamed back. "Take Jackson to the ground. I'll wake up Niylah to assist me." 

I nodded, and just like that, she was out of the mess hall. I hoped she succeeded in saving my father. 

"What did we miss?" Raven asked, beaming when she entered the room, followed by an equally happy Shaw. 

"Nothing," Echo said. "It's about time. Everyone take a seat."

Most everyone did, except for Bellamy and I. 

"Okay, everyone," Bellamy said, standing in front of them as they sipped on their algae.

I took a sip of my own, choking down the bitter, slimy flavor.

"Listen up," he continued. "Here's what we know. Eligius III was a colonizing mission. According to the file, the mothership went to five planets that met necessary conditions for life, dropping mission teams on each one. Monty picked planet Alpha for us, because it's the closest and probably the most like earth." 

Murphy piped up from the back, "Was there a probably?"

I rolled my eyes. 

"We have to assume they couldn't know for sure until they got there," Shaw said. "We can scan the atmosphere from the bridge." 

Jordan cleared his throat. "Um, actually, we can't. None of the equipment we used to monitor earth is working. I'm guessing it's interference from the ionosphere."

Bellamy nodded encouragingly. "Bottom line is, we won't know if it's survivable until we get down there."

I shoved my hands in my pockets. "Huh. Sounds familiar."

"What about radio signals?" Raven implored. "Anything from the ground that says the mission team survived?" 

Bellamy shook his head. "No radio signals." 

"Likely also the ionosphere," Jordan offered. "There is an ultra-high-frequency ping on radar, faint, but-" 

"A rescue beacon," Shaw interrupted. "We used them on Eligius IV to-" 

Emori cut him off. "Great. If there's a beacon, that means someone's down there, right?"

Shaw shook his head. "Not necessarily. They're solar, so-" 

"They can last forever," Raven finished with a heavy sigh. "How long ago did Eligius III get here?"

Jordan shrugged. "Hard to tell since they never radioed back, but best estimate: two hundred years. Give or take." 

Murphy snorted. "That's a long time to wait for a rescue."

A silence fell over us as the weight of our problem hung unspoken. Maybe we'd found our salvation, our chance at real peace. Or maybe we'd die the moment we set foot on the soil. 

Trying to keep spirits up, I said, "I trust Monty."

Everyone nodded to themselves. That seemed to be enough. If Monty, the smartest, most sensible of us, told us this was our chance, it was our chance. I believed him. 

"Great," Bellamy said. "Then it's settled. We land at a distance. Give us time to acclimate. We'll wait for them to come to us." 

"Let's talk about guns," Clarke said, after another beat of expectant silence. "If we have them, we'll use them." 

I crossed my arms. The warrior in me needed the comfort of a weapon, but the diplomat was very adamant about how bad it would look to the people down there if we came in with guns. "We're taking guns. We're also taking nonlethals. Now, Eligius IV had gas grenades and shock batons to control the criminals. We won't shoot first this time." 

Raven said, "In that case, Clarke should stay here."

Clarke made an annoyed face, but didn't say anything. 

"Actually, Raven, you're the one that's staying here," Bellamy said. 

She scoffed. "What? Like hell I am!" 

Bellamy sighed. "Look, we can't take both our pilots, and since we'll be flying blind until we're below the ionosphere, it has to be Shaw."

I glanced at Jordan, sorry to crush his hopes. Kid had only ever lived in space and only ever eaten algae. At least on the Ark we had cake. "That's not all. Jordan, you're staying here too."

"Me? Why?"

"I know it's hard, but your parents asked us to keep you safe," I explained, hating the way my heart clenched at his crestfallen face. "We have no idea what's waiting for us down there." 

"Which is why we should take our best fighters," Echo said, looking pointedly at Bellamy. 

Bellamy shook his head, bristling at the concept. "My sister is the last person I trust not to shoot first so she stays on ice with everyone else until we know what we're dealing with."

"And if it's too late by then?" Echo pressed. 

Bellamy glared at her. "Fine. I'll wake Miller. Good?" 

She shrugged. I understood what she was doing. I wanted Bellamy to reconnect with Octavia too, but I knew that if I still hadn't forgiven her, it was going to take a lot longer for that wound to heal for him.

"Say your goodbyes," Bellamy said. "Head to the transport ship." 

"Well," Murphy grunted. "I call shotgun."

I laughed and rolled my eyes, before getting ready for the greatest exploration mission of my lifetime. I hugged Abby goodbye, praying she would watch over my dad and Madi, before heaving a pack stuffed full of rations, clothes, and weapons over my shoulders. 

I ran into Miller as I headed for the entrance. "Hey." 

"Hey." 

There was awkward silence between us.

He cleared his throat. "Thanks for waking me. That must have been hard for you."

I shrugged. "Not really. We go back, Miller. I trust you." 

Miller's face fell, as if he didn't really believe me. There he was. That friend breaking through. Whatever hell he'd gone through in the bunker, he was overcoming it. "Even after I threw you and Bellamy in the pit?"

"Octavia did that. Not you." I pulled him into a loose, awkward hug. He patted me on the back. "We're good, okay?"

Miller smiled when we pulled apart and moved to get a pack of his own. 

"Alright, let's load up!" Bellamy shouted. 

We headed into the transport ship. I plopped down on a seat between Bellamy and Murphy, buckling myself in tight. I flashed a smile at both of them, unable to deny my excitement. There was so much this planet had to offer. I couldn't wait to explore it all. 

As we launched towards the land, I gripped tight to the edge of my seat. It was definitely not a smooth ride. I hadn't taken a transport ship down in...well, I guess almost one hundred and thirty years. For a kid born and raised in space, you'd think I'd be more accustomed to the rough travel of it. A particularly rough bump had my heart in my throat. 

"We're below the ionosphere, and I still don't have any instruments," Shaw said, voice laced with worry. Generally not a good sign when your pilot was nervous. "There must be something else. Hang on."

"Is there anything I can do?" Emori asked. 

Shaw scoffed. "Yeah. Pray."

I did. I prayed to whoever might have been listening to stop us from crashing. Dying before we got to breathe this planet's air would have sucked. I halted mid-pray as we dropped beneath the thick white clouds and saw the whole planet splayed out beneath us. It was breathtaking. Mountains rose from the rich earth, piercing the sky around us. The sun crested on the mountains, outlining them with a brilliant golden hue. At the base of the mountain range were miles of deep green trees, snaked through with silver babbling rivers.

Elation swelled in the ship as we all drank in the sight before us. Smiles broke across our faces. 

"Boys and girls, meet Planet Alpha," Shaw said, beaming from the pilot's chair. 

We landed kindly. I couldn't get out of my chair fast enough. Just like the first time the door opened from the dropship when we landed on earth, it felt like time slowed. I could barely believe the sight before my eyes as we all stood at the edge of the ship, taking deep breaths of sweet, crisp air. 

In the sky, two suns illuminated the world laid before us, bathing it in a rosy glow. Enormous trees stretched up to meet the rays of the suns, their branches thicker than me. 

"Breathable air, check," Jackson murmured from the back.

Emori looked up from her device. "Radiation levels good too. Eligius III didn't need to send nightbloods after all."

"How about that beacon, Shaw?" Bellamy asked. 

"Eight clicks due East," he replied. "I think it's on high ground. There's a water source about halfway."

I turned to Bellamy, smiling at him. I put a gentle hand on his arm. "You should go first this time."

He smiled back, and interlocked his fingers with mine. "No. We go together. All of us."

"Anyone got anything better than we're back bitches?" Miller teased, as we all reached the end of the platform, so close to touching the soil of our new home. 

Murphy said, "Monty would know what to say. He should be here."

I took a deep breath and stepped off onto the soft ground with everyone else. The promise of peace washed over me, hung in the air. We'd be alright. "He is. He already said it. Do better there. So let's do better."

Shaw countered, "That's easy to say, but talk is cheap."

I rolled my eyes, but didn't say anything about it. I didn't know him well enough to push his buttons. All I knew was he mattered to Raven and that was what was important. He led the way, heading for the coordinates of the beacon. I hoped what we found there was a warm welcome and open arms. But I knew better than to let that hope overtake me.

I couldn't get enough of the planet. Even on earth, when we first landed, the forests hadn't been so thick, twisting, incredibly intriguing. I felt like a child again, as if I was experiencing the wonders of a planet for the first time. I caught Bellamy glancing at me every now and then, smiling softly, the corners of his eyes crinkling. I loved when he looked at me like that; like I was the only person in the universe, like I was a vast, mysterious ocean, an enrapturing, beautiful galaxy. Knowing he felt that way about me - nothing could ever match the feeling that buzzed through me. I hoped he knew I thought he held all the stars in his eyes too. 

Finally, we broke through the treeline and stopped at the sandy shore of a wide, clear river. I don't think I'd ever seen a river so big on earth. 

"Looks like we found the water source," Bellamy mused. "Whoa. Now, that's a view."

I followed his gaze and my breath caught in my throat. Hanging low in the clear blue sky, was a ringed planet. On the other side of the mountain, on the horizon, the two suns were nearing eclipse. I couldn't imagine how beautiful that would be. 

I threw down my pack, beaming so wide my cheeks hurt. "We camp here!" 

Everyone nodded in agreement, drinking in the lovely sight in the sky. Clarke pointed out what I'd noticed - that the suns were about to eclipse. 

Murphy unloaded his pack and put his rifle down. As he headed for the river, he began stripping off his clothes.

"Murphy!" Jackson protested. "Murphy, wait, we haven't tested it yet! Your wounds haven't healed!" 

Shockingly, he didn't seem to care. All he did was toss his shirt aside, strip off his shoes, and dive into the river. I held my breath, waiting for his head to pop up, hoping nothing terrible happened to him down there. It took a little too long. I shrugged off my jacket, ready to go in after him and pull him out, but he just stood up, shaking out his wet hair. Ever the dramatic one. 

"Woo!" He yelled. "Come on in! The water's fine!" 

Emori laughed. "Oh, who knew cockroaches could swim?" 

Murphy raised an eyebrow and waded back towards the beach. "Oh you want me to teach you?" 

"No," Emori protested. Her face turned serious and she held up hands to him when he raced towards her. "No, John, no!" 

Smiling, he tugged her into the water. "Oh, you're coming with me!" 

He pulled her deeper and then dunked her under. Watching them wrestle each other in the water warmed my heart. For once, we were all getting a taste of real joy. I turned to Bellamy. He had a shit-eating grin on his face, nodding his head towards the water. I beamed, and pulled him in. The water felt amazing. It was cool, refreshing. It washed away the sweat and grime of the day. I'd never had much of a chance to swim on earth. I hadn't learned very well, so yeah, it did take a few tries for Bellamy to teach me, but once I had the hang of it, I was unstoppable. 

Bellamy and I teamed up against Murphy and Emori in a splashing war, desperately trying to keep the others under for a few seconds. With every splash that came my way, tension melted away. For just a moment, I didn't worry about anything at all. 

Night fell, and we set up camp around a rather well-done fire. I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to get it to dry. Bellamy put an arm around my shoulders and drew me closer to him. I breathed in his familiar scent, relishing in the comfort of his warmth. I knew I would sleep well tonight. 

Shaw kept trying to reach the Eligius ship floating above us, but the signal wasn't getting through. Instead, I focused my attention on the starry sky above us. I closed my eyes for a moment, and I could almost imagine I was back on earth, the day after we landed. Everything was so simple then. 

"Miller helped keep Octavia alive," I said. "Someday you'll thank him for that."

Bellamy shifted so I was practically laying on him. I kept my gaze trained on him, but he wouldn't meet my eyes. "Will I?" 

"There's no starting over without forgiveness, Bellamy," I murmured, reaching up and gently running my hands through his hair. "Who knows that better than us? Remember we used to hate each other. God you were such a pain in the ass. But we started over. You can do it with your sister too."

Bellamy stared at me for a moment before closing his eyes and shaking his head. "I can't." 

I sighed, and kissed the palm of his hand, a gentle show of support. I wasn't going to pressure him to mend the relationship with his sister, but I had to try. 

"Raven'll get the radio fixed," Clarke said, pulling me away from my thoughts of Bellamy. She was sitting alone a log by the fire, staring at Shaw, reassurance etched across her features. Shaw glared at her, and everyone else went silent. I offered her a small smile, showing her that I was still here for her. Always would be. She kneaded her hands together, clearly struggling with the fact that everyone had a lot of disdain for her. "I'm sorry I turned you in, Shaw." 

He scoffed. "You really wanna do this now?" 

"Maybe you two should speak in private," Murphy suggested. 

Clarke shook her head. "No. I want you all to hear this." 

Murphy clucked his tongue. "Great."

Clarke looked over each of us, eyes pleading for forgiveness. "If I could, I'd go back and do things differently. But I can't. None of us can. For some reason, Monty thought we deserved a second chance." 

Murphy rolled his eyes. "Not for nothing, but this is like, your fifth chance."

"Yours too, Murphy," Clarke snapped. 

He smiled wryly. "Very good. I got watch."

He stood from Emori's side and headed to the edge of our little encampment. 

Shaw narrowed his eyes at Clarke. "You're right. Your friend Monty gave you a second chance. But now what? Salvation comes from faith and good works. What you do, not what you say. You haven't done anything yet." 

Tears filled her eyes, and she turned her attention the fire. It was then, in that silence, that I realized just how quiet it actually was. Before, there had been the songs and skittering of bugs everywhere. Now there was nothing. I was hauntingly reminded of the way the insects behaved on earth before the acid fog came.

I sat up, leaning away from Bellamy, tilting my head. "Hey listen, you hear that?"

Shaw stood, following my lead. "What happened to all the bugs?"

"You guys gotta see this!" Jackson called from the other set of logs he and Miller had taken up residence on. He presented us the bug he'd kept in the mason jar - he loved the concept of alien life. "Five minutes ago, this thing ate a leaf out of my hand. Now, it wants to eat me." 

I peered at the bug in the jar. It was going insane. 

"Not only that," Jackson continued, "its entire physiology has changed from-" 

He stopped short as Murphy slapped the back of his neck, killing a bug. The insect in the jar went mental. Murphy snorted. "Your pet's pissed I killed its brother." 

As I stared at the bug with intrigue, a buzzing filled the intense disquiet that had been there before. I stood up straighter. That did not sound pleasant. "What the hell is that?" 

We turned to the woods. Hundreds of bugs flew out of the trees, buzzing angrily, seemingly vibrating the very air itself. 

"Swarm," Clarke hissed. 

"It's coming from the direction of the ship," Echo noted. "We'll never make it back!" 

"Everyone cover up!" Bellamy ordered, throwing my jacket over my shoulders. The swarm clouded in the sky, nearly blacking out the pale glowing image of the ringed planet hovering on the horizon. "We're heading to the beacon now!" 

"What if there's nothing there?" Emori asked, panicked. 

The thought had crossed my mind too, but I preferred to be an optimist about it. I slipped my jacket on and hefted my pack over my shoulders. 

"Then we're bug food," Murphy replied, ever the realist. 

Bellamy ushered us forwards. "Alright, everyone move. Move, now! Cover your faces!" 

We ran across the beach, desperately dodging the attacks of the swarm. I tried to keep my face sheltered, but all I could think about was running. Everyone else was screaming. I tried to pick out Bellamy's. Thankfully, I didn't hear it. He needed to make it out safe. I needed to make it out safe. 

Adrenaline pounded through my veins as I raced through the woods. I grasped for everyone else, trying to stay with them. I reached back into my pack, fumbling for a flare. As soon as it was in my hand, I struck the top on a rock and the flare roared to life. I grabbed Bellamy's hand with mine that was free and held him close to me. Everyone else gathered round, sheltered by the flame as the bugs reared back from it. 

I gasped, laughing in disbelief. "It worked! They hate the fire!" 

"The flares, light them all!" Miller shouted. 

Everyone struck their flares, and a ring of fire kept us free of the bugs. I looked around, searching for Murphy and Emori, but they were gone. I'd heard her scream. I hoped they were okay. A moment passed, and they returned, though Emori was slightly wounded. I didn't have time to worry about that. All that mattered was finding shelter from the mass of bloodthirsty bugs. 

"Here!" Shaw shouted, as we broke out through the treeline. Several tall silver posts marked the edge of the woods, and started what I assumed was the fence of a civilization. Maybe there were people after all. "The beacon is here!" 

He ran towards the beacon, but collapsed to the ground, screaming in pain when bolts of confined radiation snapped through the air, crackling across his skin. I gasped, stopping short. 

"Shaw!" Clarke called. "Get out of there!" 

"It's killing him!" Echo yelled. "Get him out!" 

My eyes widened. "It's radiation. It won't affect me!" 

Without thinking much further on it, I raced towards Shaw. 

Bellamy screamed, "Y/N, no! Get back!" 

I ignored him, and instead grabbed onto Shaw. I barely registered the radiation pulsating around us. All that mattered was getting him free of it. Dragging him to the other side of the radiation fence made the most sense to me, so I heaved with all my might, blocking out his screams, and pulled us both through to the other side. The radiation halted. 

Shaw gasped and moaned in pain. I pulled his gear back from his face to see it red and oozing. Radiation poisoning. Shit. That was not good. 

"We're running out of flares!" Murphy yelled from the other side of the radiation shield. 

"We're running out of time here," Bellamy warned. 

I glanced around, desperately searching for a way to save them. Shaw choked out, "The tower."

I turned in the direction he was staring at and nodded. "Yeah, I see it!" 

I moved for it, but Shaw grabbed my wrist. "Wait. Eligius tech, the failsafe code - four, seven, eight, one, five." 

I nodded, holding onto the sequence of numbers in my mind. Everyone yelled at me to hurry up. I willed my legs to push faster, so much so I nearly slammed right into the tower, unable to slow my momentum. I yanked the powerbox door open and typed in the code. The red lights on the towers flashed blue. 

"It's down!" I shouted. "Run, now!" 

They all raced across the line, followed by some of the furious insects. Once Clarke crossed the line, I input the code again, turning the shield on. Any bugs that hadn't made it through burned to crisps in the radiation. I closed the powerbox and raced to Shaw's side with everyone else. 

Jackson knelt beside him, ready to administer to him a shot that could put him under, give him a chance, but Shaw stopped him. "Don't waste it." He gasped, as if choking on his words. I pursed my lips, biting back the swell of sorrow. "Tell Raven she deserves happiness. She doesn't think she does, but...she does."

Shaw went still. I closed my eyes, and a few tears rolled down my cheeks. He didn't deserve to die. Especially not like this. 

* * *

By the time the suns had risen, we'd made it into the outskirts of the established civilization that the radiation shield was obviously protecting. Grids of farms outlined the city itself. My stomach grumbled. 

"What kind of people have a radiation fence?" Echo said.

I sighed. "The kind of people that want to keep something out."

It seemed no one else wanted to hear that revelation. I was sorry to bring it about. But it was the truth. Perhaps this planet wasn't as promising as we believed it to be. But then, these people had been here centuries. Maybe we could too. 

Bellamy pressed forwards. "Beacon should be right up ahead."

"What are we gonna tell Raven?" Clarke asked. 

"He died a hero," Bellamy replied gruffly. 

A moment of silence passed. Murphy filled it. "Look, I do hate to make this about us, but-" 

"Then don't," I snapped, irritated with his self-indulgent behavior. "Shaw just saved your life, Murphy."

He huffed. "I'm aware. I'm also aware that we just lost our pilot. Madi's still up there. You're not worried you're never gonna see her again?"

Something sparked inside of me, and I rounded on him, bunching the collar of his jacket between my fists. Anger snaked through my veins, slow and cold, like a thick poison. I'd never felt this sort of aggression before. Miller intercepted me, putting a hand on my shoulder, pulling me away from him. 

"Ignore him," he said. 

I glared, not quite sure why Murphy was intent on being a colossal dick right now. He rounded on Miller, a derisive smirk on his face. "Yeah. Your Red Queen's still up there, too, Miller. Who you gonna follow now?"

This time, it was Miller who snarled, ready to fight with Murphy. 

"Hey, hey!" Bellamy shouted, from the front of the group. "Miller. As therapeutic as it is to beat up on Murphy, Emori can fly." 

She reeled back for a moment, as if surprised at the notion. "Sure, yeah. I've had one successful landing in a ship I trained in for six years. No problem."

I brushed myself off and continued walking. That anger burned away, left to simmer deep in my core. I refused to acknowledge it. We were all on edge, and upset about Shaw's death. Now was not the time to start fights. As much as I so desperately wanted to. 

"Guys!" Echo called. "Stairs!" 

"Easy," Bellamy warned, as we made for them. "We approach slow. No hostile movements." 

When we reached the top of the smooth, artfully crafted red stone stairs, an eerie sight met us. There was an entire city, crafted of beautiful wood and stones, idyllic and lovely. Higher up than the houses, was a magnificent palace, embellished in gold, decorated with ornate dark wood and stained glass. 

"They have a castle," Murphy said, impressed. 

I stared in awe. Who the hell still operated out of castles? 

As we wandered through the cobblestone streets, we found everything to be empty. Signs of life were everywhere - a school playground, drawings left on coffee tables, dirty dishes in sinks. But the people were gone. No one was here. 

"Hey," Emori said, catching my attention. She nodded to a symbol on one of the banners strung across the village. I recognized the infinity symbol immediately. "Alie?" 

I shook my head in disbelief. That didn't make sense. "I...oh. Becca did the tech for Eligius." 

Bellamy nodded. "Right. Destroy the world, two hundred years later, they put you on a flag." Bellamy nudged me playfully. "See? Hope for us yet." 

Murphy pounded on another door. "Helloo? Invaders from earth, anyone home?"

I wanted to laugh, but Emori's reaction took the humor out of it. "John! Keep it down!" 

He rolled his eyes and joined us in the center of the village. "I don't know why we're knocking. Gone door to door. No one's here." 

Echo shook her head. "We don't know that yet."

"These are people's homes," Bellamy added. "We're not breaking in like thieves."

I nodded. "Bellamy's right. If we wanna do better here, we can't be just-" 

Murphy kicked open a door to one of the houses, cutting me off midsentence. Irritation flared in my chest. "Well, look at that. This one's unlocked."

I blew a stray hair out of my face. "Or you can do that."

I followed him inside, taking in the sight of the house. On the walls, there were chains. Only one manacle, and it was padded, but the chain was secured tightly into the wall. I wondered what that was for. What really drew my intrigue was the desk that had a faded photo of a family, beneath it which were a series of candles and bowls. One had blood in it. It looked like a shrine. I furrowed my eyebrows. These people were into weird shit. 

"Eligius III," Bellamy said, nodding to the photo. 

I peered closer. "Huh. All named Lightbourne. They sent families." 

Bellamy grunted bitterly. "Nice to be remembered." 

I glanced again at the bowls. "Or worshipped." 

Bellamy nodded. "Yeah." 

Murphy sidled up next to Bellamy, and held out a rectangular box to him. "Hey. Want a music player?" 

Bellamy stared at him for a moment before taking it from his hands and putting it back on the table. "Behave, Murphy."

Murphy rolled his eyes. "Alright." 

We turned and left, Murphy the last to go. I didn't think he was going to be on his best behavior. Sure enough, about an hour later, while he and Emori worked on getting into the palace, I saw the same music player in his hands as he belted out tunes, clearly enjoying himself. 

I glanced at Bellamy who sat on the other swing of the swingset. I'd never been on a swing, but I certainly enjoyed it. Bellamy didn't seem to be having as much fun. He ignored Murphy and pressed the talk button on his radio again, trying to reach Raven. I wasn't sure she would ever be able to communicate with us. 

"So," I said, staring at the empty world, which seemed much redder now than it ever had been before. "Any ideas as to where all the people went? This place is way too well maintained to be abandoned."

"Maybe," Bellamy said. "But if they are gone, then there's enough room here for everybody on the ship." 

I nodded. "We could finally be home, Bel." 

I closed my eyes, leaning my head back to bask in the warmth of the sun on my face. It all seemed to good to be true. And that strange, sentient fury burning like hot embers in my stomach made me uneasy. Something didn't feel right.

I stood from the swing and headed into the nearest house. I needed to give my mind something else to think about. Inside didn't alleviate my unease at all. On one of the walls was a plaque that read _Our All for the Glory and Grace of the Primes, _surrounded by several framed photos. I moved past that, and found another manacle and chain bolted into the wall. 

Toys littered the desks in this room. I examined a few, but could only make them interesting for a few moments. But when I picked up a children's storybook, that's when my curiosity soared, accompanied by deep unrest. 

The title of the book was _Red Sun Rising, _written by Josephine Lightbourne. I flipped through it, pondering over the dark imagery, the eeries words. 

"Hey," Bellamy's voice startled me. 

I turned and smiled at him, though it seemed to take a lot more effort than it should have. "Hey." I looked around at the schoolhouse. "I wish Madi could have gone to school." 

Bellamy nodded. "I wish Octavia could have." 

I worried at my lip. "Instead, they just had us to screw them up. Still no luck on the radio?" 

"No." 

I offered him a sympathetic smile. "Trust me, I know the feeling." 

Bellamy's face fell, and he took a step towards me. His hand cupped my face, and I relished in the touch. Or...did I? I thought I did, but part of me wanted to tear away from him. "I'm sorry I couldn't respond all those years." 

I shrugged, smiling. "I know it sounds crazy - Madi certainly thought it was - but talking to you every day, even though you didn't answer, it kept me sane." 

Bellamy smiled, and pressed his forehead against mine. "It's not crazy. Little pathetic maybe, but not crazy." 

I laughed, pulling away from him. I gently punched him on the shoulder. "Yeah, okay, Blake." 

We stared at each other for a long moment, the silence filled by Murphy's vague singing voice drifting down to us. I smiled wider. "I'm gonna go watch the Murphy show."

I put the book down on the table and headed back out into the sun. Watching Murphy enjoy himself was actually really nice. Why had I been so angry at him earlier? I couldn't remember. 

"Clarke," Bellamy said, catching her attention as he appeared behind me, book in hand. "Come here. Y/N did you read this?" 

I shook my head. "No." 

Once Clarke joined us, Bellamy began to read from the unsettling book. "Trees and plants give us shade. We eat them every day. When the stars align, and the forest wakes, it's time to run away." 

I did not like the way that was phrased. Nor that the pictures to go with those words was definitely of two suns eclipsing. I stared up at the sky, where the suns were definitely almost at the apex of the eclipse. I turned the page, and found the words to be even more disturbing. 

"For two days," I read, unable to deny the anxiety gnawing at my chest, "heaven is hell, and friends are foes. Oh my god. It's not a nursery rhyme. It's a warning."

A rumbling in the distance prompted Murphy to shout in protest. I turned to the sky to see someone had stolen our transport ship and was taking it to the sky. My stomach plummeted. Now we really were stuck down here. As if that wasn't enough to worry about, Emori took that moment to charge at Murphy with a knife. 

"I won't let you kill me!" She screamed, slicing at him with a primal sort of rage. Murphy was clearly too taken aback to fight, and he collapsed to the ground, groaning in pain when she drove the blade through his shoulder. 

Bellamy, Clarke, and I rushed to his aide. As Miller and Jackson pulled Emori off of Murphy and restrained her, I held Murphy close, hating the way that he curled into me for comfort. I couldn't blame him. The person he loved most had just driven a knife through him, determined to kill him. 

The last sentence of the children's book hit me. _So few are safe once exposed_. My eyes widened, as panic seeped through me. 

"It's in the air," I murmured. 

We were all infected. And if we couldn't get ahead of it, we might all kill each other.

I couldn't bear to see that happen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this took forever to write I'm so tired guys I stayed up late for this. Hope you're enjoying!!


	2. Red Sun Rising

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the full eclipse outside. Suddenly, the rosy glow it cast seemed so much darker. Like the world was bathed in blood. I turned away from it, and leaned against a table, watching as Jackson patched up Murphy's stab wound. 

"I guess now we know what the restraints are for," Bellamy said, locking an unconscious Emori into a set. 

I sighed, staring at her. That unbridled rage that had possessed her was coming for us all. I could already feel my skin crawling with irritation, and it was getting harder to fight. "How long will she be out?"

Jackson replied, "The sedative in the tranq darts should last three hours." 

"Hey, what about the mothership?" Miller asked, which was also a big concern. "They're gonna think it's us. How do we warn them?"

Bellamy shook his head. "We don't. Radios don't work down here. For now, we worry about ourselves. Murphy, are you okay?"

He didn't respond. His empty gaze was trained on Emori. 

"His wounds are superficial," Jackson said. "You're lucky." 

Murphy scoffed. "I'm lucky? Sorry, is that your professional diagnosis? Because if so, you suck at being a doctor."

"Murphy-" Echo started. 

He snapped, "What? No, what? I'm dying to know what he thinks turned my girlfriend into the monster that just attacked me."

"It's all right here," I offered, holding up the disturbing children's book. "'For two days, heaven is hell and friends become foes.' Whatever is in the air, it affects people too." 

"Why are the rest of us okay?" Miller asked. 

I shrugged. "I don't know. But according to this, it comes from the plants." 

"It's a children's book," Murphy said, glaring at me, clearly not buying it. 

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, but it's coming true. When we were running from the bugs, Emori went down in the brush. It's probably why she lost it first." 

"First?" Echo implored, eyes widening. 

Ignoring the swell of panic in my chest, I nodded. "We're all breathing it in." 

Miller suggested, "If it's the air out there, then we stay in here. We are gonna ride it out!" 

"That's a great plan, Miller," Murphy drawled. "What happens when we're trapped in here and the rest of us lose our minds?" 

There was a tense moment of silence bursting at the seams with fear. Because there was a lot of truth in that sentiment. If we were all still together, we'd kill each other. 

"Murphy's right," Bellamy said. "There's more restraints in school. I'm guessing they're everywhere. We need to separate." 

"I'll stay with Emori," Echo offered. 

We all nodded, and split up. There were four restraints in the school, so Bellamy, Clarke, Murphy and I headed there, leaving the others to sort out where they would lock themselves up. 

I locked Clarke's wrist into a manacle, and held onto her key. Murphy kept himself busy shoving stray fabric under the cracks of doors and windows. I rolled my eyes.

Clarke said, "Trying to keep the air out is pointless, Murphy."

He snorted, and tucked a curtain under the front door. "Kind of like trying to survive by locking yourself up with the Commander of Death? Of course, you don't really need airborne toxins to turn on your friends. Do you, Clarke?"

I glared at him. "Lay off, Murphy."

Bellamy entered the school, locking the front door. "Okay, Echo's with Emori, Jackson's with Miller upstairs. No one's armed. Now it's our turn. Gun."

He held out his hand for Murphy's gun, who clearly didn't want to give it up. Reluctantly, he handed it over. Good sign. 

"What'd I miss?" Bellamy asked, reading the tension in the room. He clucked his tongue. "Okay. Consider this time to work out your differences." He laid down the guns by the door, far out of reach of all the restraints. "Let's do this." He grabbed a restraint and looked pointedly at Murphy, who crossed his arms. "Now, Murphy."

He nodded, and let Bellamy lock him in. He handed me the key, and I tucked it into my jacket pocket. "Why do you get to keep everyone's keys?"

I rolled my eyes as I locked Bellamy in, and then headed for my own. "Relax. Bellamy will have mine." 

I pulled the restraint tight around my wrist, tugging on it to make sure it held. Satisfied, I tossed my key to Bellamy and he caught it with ease. I turned to Murphy, a disdainful, irritated smile on my face. "Satisfied?"

Murphy chuckled dryly. "I guess so. As long as the people who live here don't come home after they kill everybody on the mothership." 

There it was again, that cold, sentient fury roiling through me. My father and my daughter were up there. If he was suggesting that they were dead, I was going to deck him in the face. And then some. 

"Nice one, Murphy," Bellamy grunted. 

I slid down the wall, leaning my head against it. I hated the way I felt right now. But I knew that hate would fade. Soon, all I'd be able to think about was my anger. Anger that had been sitting deep inside me since I lost my mother. 

Tense silence hung over us, threatening to suffocate us. I could sense the shift in the air, as the toxin slowly began to overtake us. None of us were comfortable anymore. The level-headed leader in my head was draining away, giving way for the thrill-seeking warrior in my heart to take control. 

"God I hate being tied up," Murphy complained, cutting through the silence. The sound of his voice was grating against my ears. "Yet somehow, whenever I'm with you, sooner or later, we wind up here, don't we? I mean, first you hanged me." 

"Well, in fairness, I did that," Bellamy said. 

"Only after she forced your hand. And who could forget Lexa? Yeah I was tied up that night too, just a disposable pawn in your game." 

Clarke glared at him. "That's not fair." 

"Neither was tying up me and Emori in Becca's lab, but she was disposable then, too, right?" Murphy continued. "I know you remember that one, Clarke, because you drew a little picture of it in your memory book. Let me ask you a question. Did you draw a picture of Bellamy and Y/N in the fighting pit too?" 

"Lay off, Murphy," I flared, curling my fingers into fists. "Don't make me gag you." 

Murphy held up his hands in a show of surrender, and groaned slightly. He checked his wounds. 

Clarke offered, "Jackson can take another look at that wound in the morning." 

Murphy snorted. "Oh, it's not from the knife. It's from the bullet wounds I took from saving Bellamy and Y/N's lives from those armed psychopaths you put back in the battlefield." 

"What the hell do you want from me, Murphy?" Clarke exclaimed. "I'm sorry, okay? For all of it. I never meant for you to get hurt. But, no matter what I do, someone always does. Is that what you wanna hear? That I'm the bad guy? Fine. I'll be the bad guy. When I'm in charge, people die. Isn't that what you said? Satisfied?"

"It's a start," Murphy conceded. 

"Ahh!" Miller's scream cut through the room, shocking out the growing anger in my system, replacing it with panic. "Make it stop!" 

I shot to my feet, peering at the ceiling. "Miller, what's wrong?" 

"Help!" 

"I gotta get up there, now!" I pleaded, turning to Bellamy. "Hand me my key." 

"Fine," he said. "But I'm going with you! Throw me mine."

We exchanged keys and unlocked our manacles. As soon as I unlocked myself, I raced outside and up the stairs of the adjoined building, leaving Murphy and Clarke tied up downstairs. I couldn't register their protests. 

I pounded on the door. "Jackson! Open up!" 

Jackson opened the door, fear filling his eyes. "The bugs, they're inside him!" 

I raced to Miller who was thrashing, slamming himself into the wall. Tears glistened on his cheeks as he continued to scream. I tried to steady him, but he fought back. "Miller, stop so we can help you!" 

"We were talking about the terrarium," Jackson explained, "and how I think the bugs were an early warning system like the canaries in a coalmine. Nate opened it, and they must have gotten out!" 

"They're dead everywhere else!" Bellamy countered. 

"Just unhook me so I can examine him!" Jackson pleaded. 

Miller screamed, "Cut me! You gotta get it out! Got to cut it out! I can feel it in my arms!"

I handed Bellamy Jackson's key so he could unlock Nate, while I held him down, keeping him from bashing himself even more. Jackson grabbed his med-bag, reassuring Nate that he was there for him. 

"You gotta cut it out!" Miller continued, face contorted in pain. "Hurry, before they reach my torso! I can't die like Obika!" 

"Scalpel," Jackson murmured. "It's not here." 

I furrowed my eyebrows. Miller sounded like he was reliving time in the desert. "Bellamy, I don't think this is real." 

I glanced over my shoulder to see Jackson had grabbed a kitchen knife and made a beeline for Miller. Bellamy rushed him, trying to keep him from reaching Miller, but Jackson just shoved him to the side like he weighed nothing. I didn't have time to worry about him. Jackson was on me now, shoving me away from Miller. All he wanted was to cut his boyfriend. I didn't know if it stemmed from a need to stop his suffering or if it was rage powering him. 

I tried to pull Jackson away from Miller as he drew the knife down Nate's forearm, promising him he would get the bugs out. Bellamy leaped to his feet and jabbed a tranq needle into his neck. I pulled one of my own from my jacket and dosed Miller. Both of them fell to the ground, unconscious. 

"You want to tell me how two people can have the same hallucination?" Bellamy asked, panting heavily. 

I shook my head, heart thrumming with panic. "We have no idea how to survive down here."

Both of us raced back into the school only to find Clarke and Murphy gone. I raked my hands through my hair. That was not good. 

"He took the guns!" Bellamy said, seemingly even more stressed out than me. Clarke was an in issue on her own, but Murphy was the one more likely to be unhinged, to kill us all. 

"Murphy!" I called, stepping outside into the square of the village. "Where are you? Come back! Please!" 

Bellamy headed for the small house Echo and Emori were in. He warned them that Murphy might be coming for his girlfriend. 

"We should go back inside!" I said to Bellamy, overwhelmed with heat. Was I just warm? Or was that anger? I couldn't tell. All I knew was I needed to be safe. "He can't shoot us there!" 

"No!" Bellamy protested. "You need to go back to the school and see if he left any weapons, and Echo you need to open this damn door!" 

"Tell me why!" Echo called. "What's happening?" 

"We used our tranqs on Jackson and Miller and I need yours for Murphy," Bellamy explained. 

"Are they okay? We heard screams."

Bellamy was clearly getting irritated. I didn't like the tension he held with him now. Like he had been wound up and was about to explode. "Yeah, they're fine! Just let me in!" 

I heard indistinct shouts on the other side of the door. 

"What are you waiting for, Echo?" Bellamy shouted. 

"Bellamy-" I warned, trying to calm him. 

"Just wait, Y/N!" He snapped. "Echo, now!" 

"Echo!" I yelled. "Don't listen to him! He's losing it too!" 

"Bellamy!" Echo called, her voice wavering. I assumed the toxin was hitting her too. "I'm sorry! I can't."

I stepped towards him, unsure of whether I should reach out and touch him. "Bellamy, it's okay. The toxin is affecting you. Just come back with me to the school." 

Bellamy rounded on me, a deep anger set in his eyes. Challenge flashed in my own, anger rising to meet his. "Maybe you haven't noticed, Y/N, but I don't need you anymore." 

"Please," I said, seething. "You'd fall apart without me."

Gunfire rattled the ground, exploding in the dirt around us. I broke away from Bellamy, racing through a tunnel, popping out to safety on the other side. I heard Bellamy screaming Murphy's name. God I wished he would shut up. Every word that came out of his mouth pissed me off to no end. Picturing his face lit me with a terrifying sort of rage. I couldn't find it in me to be afraid of what I might do. All I could focus on was the ire burning inside of me. 

I wandered through the village, fingers itching for a weapon. I needed my bow and arrow. I needed the knife I always carried around. Bellamy made me put it away. Where the hell did he hide it? I needed it. I needed to defend myself. Who knew what Bellamy had planned for me? We started out as enemies. Maybe we never came back from it. Maybe this had all been a lie, and we'd just been waiting for this moment to kill each other. 

I heard his voice behind me, and turned to see him kneeling on the ground, blood pooling around him. It was the same vision I'd had when I was high on jobi nuts. But this time it hardly bothered me. In fact, I longed to be the one to end him. 

For a moment, terrified disgust washed through me. But my drunk anger washed it away. I had to defend myself. I'd always been putting others first. Maybe it was time I looked out for myself instead. 

I rounded another building to the center of the village, where Bellamy was wandering around. 

"Murphy!" He yelled. "This isn't the ring. We're not playing games down here! And I'm not gonna let you hurt anyone else!" 

"Was gonna say the same thing about you!" Murphy replied, moving to greet Bellamy, gun in hand. 

Bellamy held his hands up. "You're the one with the gun."

Murphy nodded. "That's true. What do you say I put it down, and we talk, okay? You and me, just a couple of guys, stuck on a moon, nobody else on it? Filled with man-eating bugs and toxic plants that turn people who love each other into homicidal maniacs."

That seemed big of him, to be empty handed. Was he really the least affected here? 

"That's what's happening to you, Bellamy," Murphy said. And I had to agree. Was it happening to me too? No. I wasn't going to let them hurt each other. If anyone deserved a killing blow, it was me. 

"Oh, so you're looking out for me?" Bellamy prodded, a disbelieving, manic smile on his face. It infuriated me. "John Murphy, the court jester." 

Murphy shrugged. "Well, beats useless." 

"Not by much."

Murphy rushed Bellamy, but failed to tackle him down. Bellamy punched him, and I spurred into action. Murphy kept screaming for Clarke, so I assumed he'd found her and made a plan, but I didn't care. All that mattered was inserting myself in between them. 

"Hey stop it!" I screamed, keeping them at bay. Bellamy glared at Murphy, fighting against me to get to him. I didn't know how I'd suddenly acquired so much strength. "Bellamy you need to cut it out!" 

"Y/N, stay out of this!" He growled. "Don't you want him dead, for what he did to you?" 

I pushed Bellamy's shoulders and he stumbled back. "What you mean holding me hostage in the drop ship? Using me as leverage to get you to hang yourself? Yeah, I'm pissed. But I don't need you fighting my battles!" 

"Right, because you'd rather throw yourself into the fray, no regard for your own life, so long as you get that rush of adrenaline right? Bit of a junkie?" He pressed, trying to get under my skin. Well, it was working. 

"You're one to talk! Pick a side, Bellamy. It's not whatever the hell you want anymore! Can anybody count on you? I certainly can't. I haven't trusted you since Pike!" I screamed, roiling with fury. It dripped from my lips like I was foaming at the mouth. "If we want to do better here, then you can't be a part of it!" 

I launched myself at him, hooking my leg behind his knees. He crumpled to the ground, and I took the chance to punch him in the face. My knuckles split. Pain seared through my hand. I didn't care. 

Murphy pulled me back, hugging me tight, pinning my arms down. "Stop it!" 

"Let her go!" Bellamy roared, getting to his feet. Blood dripped from his nostrils. I didn't think the nose was broken. I hadn't hit hard enough. 

I dipped my head forwards and slammed it back into his chin. He loosened his hold on me. "I told you I don't need you to fight my battles for me! I'm not made of glass, Bellamy. I'm stronger than you'll ever be!" 

I countered Murphy's attacks - it wasn't hard to, because it was clear he didn't want to hurt me - and kicked him into the water. I hoped it kept him distracted enough that I could focus my rage on Bellamy. 

"You look at me like I'll shatter at any given moment," I seethe. "But you're the one falling apart at the seams. If I told you how much I hated you, would you just crumple?" 

Bellamy glared at me, as Murphy splashed in the water, heading back towards us. "I'm not the one insecure about my every action. Worried you'll never be the leader you want to be? You're the one who needs everyone else." 

"I don't need anybody," I shouted, grabbing his jacket, pulling him close. The intensity of our touch woke something inside of me; my humanity cracking through the poisonous rage controlling my mind. What the hell was I doing? I loved him. I loved him so much it hurt. My voice cracked, as I tried to block out the rage, the hallucination that he was the worst thing that ever happened to me. "I need you!" 

Bellamy pushed me away, and I fell to the dirt. "I'll protect you. I'll protect everyone!" 

He launched himself at Murphy, just as he was about to get out of the fountain, and held his head under water. I jumped into the water, pulling at Bellamy's arm, trying desperately to get him off of Murphy. He only kicked me away every time. Water filled my mouth and nose. I coughed, gasping for air when I came up. Was Murphy trying to bring me down with him? Or was he looking for rescue? Was that even his hand on my wrist? I couldn't comprehend anything except for the cold water on my skin and the anger in my veins. 

When Murphy went limp, Bellamy rose to his feet. I scrambled to turn his head upwards, drag him out of the water. Wait, why did I care if he survived? He deserved this after everything he did. 

"Here we go again!" Bellamy groaned, stepping onto dry land to greet a terrified Clarke. 

"What did you do?" She exclaimed. 

"How many times have you tried to kill me now?" Bellamy asked. He tackled her, fighting to get her to the ground. I saw him go down and in Clarke's hand was a bloody knife. My knife. 

I tried to fight against the fury that surged in me at the idea of her using my favorite knife to stab Bellamy. Especially when it was me who deserved to - wait, no I was mad because I loved him, or...

I shook my head. All that mattered was getting Murphy to breathe again. Clarke tried to help me perform CPR, but by then Bellamy had gotten to his feet again and yanked Clarke to the ground. I tilted Murphy's head back and he coughed up water. Sure he could take care of himself, I tackled Bellamy, getting him off of Clarke. 

"You are out of control, Bellamy," I growled, slamming him into the ground. Once he was disoriented, I turned my sights on Clarke. I couldn't control the anger anymore. I kicked her back down. Did I want to hurt her? I didn't know. I didn't care. "And you. We were family, Clarke. My best friend, my sister, the person I survived Praimfaiya with...you betrayed me. I guess I should have expected as much from a manipulative, selfish, lonely daddy's girl playing at independence."

Clarke's eyes flashed. "Takes one to know one."

I ground my teeth and launched myself on top of her. Driven by that deep sentient anger, I wrapped my hands around her throat, suddenly intent on killing her. Clarke reached over for her pack, fingers digging into the ground. I tried to stop her, but Murphy was behind me, pulling my arms away from her. I struggled against him, and Bellamy joined the fray again, knocking us both to the ground.

I broke apart from both of them, setting my sights on Clarke again, but she pulled a gas canister from her pack and immediately tore it open. As soon as I inhaled the gas, unconsciousness took over. I collapsed to a heap on the ground, and fell into darkness. 

I blinked my eyes open to gentle light. Not red. Just a normal sunlight. Crouching beside me was Jordan. He put a hand beneath my head and slowly helped me sit up. 

"Where are the others?" He asked. 

I groaned, pushing through the splitting headache I had. "Locked up to protect us."

"What happened to Shaw?" Raven asked, teary eyed. 

My heart dropped. So I assumed they'd seen the makeshift grave we'd left for Shaw when we buried him. I offered her a sorrowful glance, which seemed to be confirmation enough. Bellamy groaning awake drew my attention to him. I was keenly aware of everything we'd said to each other. I hated to see the bruise on his cheek, the dried blood from his nose from when I'd punched him. 

My lip trembled. I held his stare, hoping he knew how sorry I was for everything I'd said. I pulled him into a tight hug, burying my face into the crook of his neck. I didn't hate him. I needed him. I loved him. I loved Clarke. I wished the toxin had never affected us. 

Bellamy pulled away and glanced up to see Octavia among the others that had come from the mothership. "What the hell is she doing here? And who is that?"

I glanced at the newcomer standing off to the side of our reunion. Her hands were chained. I assumed she was one of the people that stole our transport ship. No one responded. 

"Come on, John, wake up," Abby said, trying to coax Murphy awake. When he continued to lay still, I feared the worst. I wasn't ready to lose another friend. I put a hand on Bellamy's shoulder. I knew how scared he was. He'd practically drowned Murphy. If he died, he'd blame himself. 

"His pulse is too weak," Abby said. 

Clarke pulled down his shirt, revealing tendrils of black curling up his chest. "Mom, what the hell is this?" 

She shook her head. "I don't know."

Chatter hummed through the air. I turned my attention to the entrance of the city. Bellamy and I helped each other to our feet. I let him lean on me - the wound from Clarke's stabbing was still fresh. A bunch of children walked up the main steps. They poured into the city, laughing, running, smiling. I could hardly believe my eyes. I'd never seen so many joyous children in my life. 

They halted in front of us, staring curiously. 

The strange woman turned to one of the girls, putting on a comforting smile. "It's okay, Rose. Don't be afraid."

Rose turned to me, making eye contact. "Are you here to take us home?"

Dread and confusion washed through me. Had this trip all been for nothing? Was this moon too dangerous to live on? I gripped tighter to Bellamy to avoid falling over with panic. I choked back my fear. "Isn't this your home?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was fun to write lmao. I bet I'm gonna have a lot of fun writing season 6. Hopefully you guys are having as much fun reading it!


	3. The Children of Gabriel

I gaped at the group of children staring at us with wide, curious eyes. Innocence filled their gazes, something we hadn't had the luxury of in years. My gaze roamed back to the main stairs as the adults paraded up, some dressed like royalty, all incredibly intimidating. I stood tall, refusing to show my trepidation even if I was battling crushing panic. Everyone who lived here was home. What if they were hostile? What if they didn't want to help us? We hadn't made it this far just to die at the hands of humans on another planet.

"Uh guys..." I started, subtly warning everyone to keep their cool. 

Bellamy added, "Remember we're in their home. Everyone keep calm."

"Weapons down," I ordered, keeping my voice soft and low. Raven set her gun down on the ground. "Abby, stay with Murphy." 

"Rose!" A woman at the front of the group of foreigners called to the girl staring intently at us. "Get away from them!" 

I held up my hands in defense as they charged towards us, weapons brandished. "Hey! It's okay! We're from earth, we come in peace!" 

As the others integrated with our group, I kept my hands up and kept close to Bellamy. I didn't like the mistrust in their eyes, or they way they shielded Rose from us. I understood the feeling, of course, but I didn't like it. One woman, one that clearly was a leader of sorts, approached the prisoner that they'd brought down on the transport ship. 

"Kaylee!" She exclaimed. "Where have you been? Where's your family?"

Kaylee glared at us. "They killed them."

I glanced at Raven who was worrying at her lip. I didn't know what the hell went on up there, but I couldn't imagine these people having the knowledge that we'd _already _killed some of theirs was great for us. 

"That's not good," Jordan murmured, echoing my thoughts. 

At that moment, Murphy started seizing. His groans of pain struck my heart. I wished nothing more than to help him, but I didn't know how. 

I turned to the people, eyes pleading, voice desperate. "Help us, please! Our friend is dying!"

I dropped to my knees beside Murphy, waiting to take over CPR for Abby. I wouldn't just stand idly by and let Murphy die. 

"Let me pass," an authoritative voice rang out, booming and yet calm. Everyone parted, giving way to a regal man with graying hair who I assumed was their leader. He approached us, taking in our disheveled states. "Move them away."

The guards flanking him prodded us with their spears. I stumbled backwards, away from Murphy.

"What are you doing?" Abby protested. "He'll die!" 

"You want my help or not?" The man asked. 

I pursed my lips and pulled Abby away, allowing guards to form a ring around Murphy and the man. A tense moment passed, and he looked at us with pity. "He's already dead."

I gripped Bellamy's hand trying to steady myself, to steady him. No. He couldn't be dead. He'd fought so hard. He'd finally found happiness, he'd tried to help us, and now he was dead. This wasn't right. 

The man rose to his feet. "Fortunately for him, death is not the end. Cillian, he was exposed to the seaweed during the red sun. Do it."

Another man, one I assumed was a doctor of sorts crouched beside Murphy's lifeless body. I watched with bated breath as he opened his bag and pulled out a red and black snake with too many eyes for me to count. My eyes widened. What the hell were they going to do? 

"We call it kepa-she," the leader explained. "Means hideous snake in Chinese."

Cillian placed the head of the snake on Murphy's exposed torso. It opened its mouth, and a terrifying spiked tongue flickered out. 

"Oh my god," I breathed, trying to keep away from its terrifying gaze. 

"Trust me, I know. But the venom degrades too quickly to deliver it in any other form."

I watched, heart pounding, curiosity rising, as the snake's barbed tongue punctured Murphy's abdomen. As it sat there, the tendrils of black lines curling over Murphy's body slowly began to fade away. 

Astonished, I crouched beside him, putting a gentle hand on Murphy's face. His skin was cool, but warming. "It's working."

The leader stared intently at me. "Amazing, isn't it? Its curative properties were discovered during one of the earliest red suns. Poison made the demon Gabriel believe he could walk on water. The Kepa-she bit him, and the toxin from the seaweed had no effect." 

Murphy gasped, and spluttered. His breathing was harsh and ragged, but he was breathing. I smiled in relief. 

"Well done, Cillian," the leader said. "Now, lock them up."

Panic flooded through me. I shot to my feet as the guards swarmed towards us. One roughly grabbed my arms, and I didn't have time to fight back against him. He forced me forwards, and I fell in line beside Bellamy. 

"Wait!" I called, hope diminishing. What if we died here? "Where are you taking us?"

Bellamy brushed his fingers against mine. "Take it easy." 

"We didn't do anything wrong!" I exclaimed, faltering in my steps. Another guard grabbed my elbow, propelling me forwards. I yanked away from him. "Get off me!" 

They led us to a secure house near the base of the palace. It was ornate, and spacious. Even had a second story that led out to a balcony. And the doors securely locked. I guess I couldn't blame them. Given their position, I probably would've done the same. But it still irritated me, the waiting, wondering what they were going to do to us. 

"Why isn't he waking up?" Bellamy asked, knee bouncing as he stared at Murphy. He was still breathing, thankfully, but he hadn't stirred in what felt like forever. Emori hadn't left his side, nor hardly even torn her eyes away from him. 

I tried my best to be reassuring as I ran my hands through his hair. He was leaning against me, sitting on the floor as I sat on a low stool. "He will."

"I can't believe I did this to him," Emori whispered, her voice wavering. 

Bellamy shook his head. "Emori you didn't. I did." 

Octavia groaned. "Who cares? We need to get out of this place."

Bellamy tensed, and his voice turned gruff when he glared at her. "What are you even doing here?" 

Octavia rolled her eyes. "I came to save your ass."

Bellamy moved to get to his feet, but I firmly planted my hands on his shoulders, keeping him sitting. "Bellamy, no. Not now. Please."

"Yeah, if we're gonna fight our way out, we need her," Echo said. 

I shook my head. As much as I wanted to, that wouldn't end well for us. "Echo we're not fighting them. We need them to teach us how to survive down here." 

As soon as the words left my mouth, the door opened and a series of guards strode in, followed by a smiling dark skinned woman and a balding man holding trays. Seeing the mugs atop them, my stomach grumbled. 

"Welcome friends," a man holding a tray said. "If it's true you survived the red sun, then you need a drink."

Jordan was the first to accept a mug, smiling graciously at the woman. I knew that look. He thought she was hot. Oh, that poor sweet boy. He was so blissfully innocent. I watched, suspicious, as Jordan downed the contents of the mug. He broke out into an even wider smile, though it was more out of amazement than anything else.

"Whoa," he said. "That's amazing. What is it?"

The woman started, "We call it-" 

Another woman behind her, cut her off with a warning. "Delilah..."

Delilah glanced at the other woman. "Relax, mother. I don't think they'll steal your recipe. We call it Jo Juice, after Josephine Prime, hallowed be her name." 

The others echoed her with another _hallowed be her name_. Shivers ran down my spine. I didn't like the way they said that. Unease settled deep into my bones. Something wasn't right here. And maybe that was just because I was looking at it as an outsider, but I didn't like the vibes here. 

I cleared my throat. "Uh, can I ask...it's probably none of our business, but what's a Prime?"

The guards flanking Delilah and her mother stiffened, but Delilah indulged me. "Sanctum was colonized by a team from earth made up of four families - the Primes. Their blood rules us still."

I furrowed my eyebrows, but quickly schooled my features. Best not to judge them too harshly, not before I'd learned more. 

"Make way for the Primes," said a guard as they burst through the door. 

The man who I assumed was their leader before (and correctly so, I'd now deduced) entered with another woman as well as Kaylee. Immediately, he said, "Which one's the pilot?"

Kaylee pointed at Raven, who was seated at the bar. "That one."

She sat up straighter. Fear flashed across her eyes. I stiffened, wishing I had a weapon of sorts. I wouldn't let them hurt Raven. I'd die before that happened. Guards headed for her, and my heart pounded harder. Our group tightened into a group, positioning ourselves in front of her. 

"Stop," the man said. "Did I say to take her?"

The guards halted. One shook his head. "No, sir. Sorry, sir."

They retreated, and I relaxed. I stepped up to the leader of Sanctum, a man who was a Prime. "Look. If this is about what happened on the mothership, your people stole our transport and then boarded us by force. My people were just defending themselves." 

"Lies," Kaylee growled. "She wasn't there. We hurt no one."

The man didn't tear his eyes away from me. "What's your name?"

I straightened, trying to look as powerful as I wanted to feel. "Y/N Kane. What's yours?"

The woman who had been standing silently behind him stepped forwards, her voice cold. "He is Russel Lightbourne, seventh of his line, savior of Sanctum, and you will bow before using his name."

I crossed my arms. That was out of the question. I had barely respected Jaha when he was the authority, a leader I knew well. I wasn't going to bow my head and pledge my loyalty to a society I barely knew. "I don't think so." 

The woman pursed her lips and glared at me. Russel gave me a reassuring look before turning to the woman. "My wife's a stickler for protocol but she knows you can't observe customs that you're unaware of. You have questions, understandably, and we'll get to them all, but first, we need your transport ship to be flown into Sanctum. You can land in one of the lower fields."

"Why?" Abby implored. "What's out there?"

Russel's wife responded, "There are worse things in this world than eclipse induced psychosis. All of them are outside the shield and the worst of them would love to get their hands on the weapons Kaylee says are on your ship."

Well that was incredibly ominous. That uneasy feeling morphed to nausea. All I wanted was peace. That was too naive of me. I letting too much of that me who took her first breath of earth air seep in. No time for wonder anymore. That could happen once we were settled. 

"Why are we asking for permission?" Kaylee hissed. "My family is on that ship."

Russel turned to her. "Which is why you'll be on the team sent to retrieve them." Her irritated demeanor faltered for a moment. Russel raised an eyebrow. "What, now you're afraid to leave the shield?" 

"I told you, we were late for shelter when we saw the ship!" Kaylee argued. "Either we took it, or we suffered the red sun." 

I glanced at Abby who was shifting uneasily. I shared a glance with Clarke who'd noticed it too. I pulled her aside. "Abby, what is it?"

Abby stared at me, as if afraid to tell me what she knew. "Madi is on the transport ship."

My stomach plummeted. I couldn't keep my voice low. All I could focus on was the dread seeping through me. She wasn't supposed to witness any of this unpleasantness. She was supposed to be down here when we'd already worked out peace terms. "What? You woke her?"

Abby put her hands on my shoulders and shushed me as everyone turned in our direction. I swallowed and composed myself. "Never mind. Raven can fly the ship, but we're going too." 

Russel clasped his hands behind his back. "Fine. Choose your most disposable people. It's time to go."

I nodded, and headed towards him, ready to head onto the ship. Russel stopped me. "You don't strike me as disposable."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "None of us are, but my child is out there. So I'm going to get her."

I tried to step past him again, but once more, Russel stopped me with a hand on my arm. I could almost feel Bellamy bristling behind me. "Please. We have things to discuss. Are you the leader of your people, or not?"

Bellamy stepped up beside me, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "She is. She can speak for us."

Russel nodded. "Good. You can escort your team to the steps. The rest of you will remain here, well-cared for till we can decide what to do with you."

Promptly, everyone left, so we could decide who to take out to the ship. Bellamy turned and told Raven and Echo to get ready. I assumed that meant he planned to go to. Selfishly, that was the last thing I wanted. But I trusted him to take care of Madi. 

* * *

"Octavia, let's go," Echo said. Bellamy stiffened. The last thing he wanted was to be on a mission with the woman who he once called sister. Something in her died, and with it the girl he always cared for. 

Bellamy ignored both of them, and instead turned to Miller, one that he trusted more than most. He'd been by his side since the beginning. "Hey, Miller, you stay here. Keep an eye on things." 

Miller nodded.

He turned to Y/N as she started to walk away, sparing a moment just to watch her walk. Bellamy Blake knew two things to be true: First, he was in love with Y/N Kane. Head over heels, only woman on earth, drunk on euphoria, intoxicatingly in love with her. Second, he did not trust these people. It was for those reasons exactly that he didn't want her being alone with the leaders dressed in officious regalia for peace-talks. 

Y/N grabbed his hand and gently led him away from everyone else. He loved when she touched him like that; delicately, but firm as if he was her life preserver. Bellamy knew she didn't need anyone, that she was the strongest person he'd ever met, but he loved being needed by her. "Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?" 

Bellamy shrugged. "What? You said it yourself. We need these people. For some reason, the leader seems to like you, so let's try and keep it that way." 

She clenched her jaw, and he knew what was going through her mind. Especially because she hadn't said something snarky. He hated to see her luminous eyes dimmed by worry. He put a hand on her face, and she leaned into his touch. "Hey, Y/N, we'll bring Madi back. I promise."

No truer words had ever left his mouth, none except that he loved her. Madi and Y/N would be reunited and safe. He would be sure of it. 

Y/N exhaled slowly and nodded. She interlocked her fingers with his, and a blossom of warmth trailed up his hand to his heart. He felt like it was glowing. God he hoped that the negotiations went well. He didn't trust them not to hurt her, even if Russel found a liking to her. They pressed their foreheads together, and Bellamy knew right then that everything would turn out fine. They were both fighters. Peace would come to them eventually. 

* * *

I spun my ring around my finger, giving me comfort in the absence of Bellamy. I stared at him as he and the rest of the party sent to retrieve our ship headed through the lower fields towards the radiation shield. The farther he got, the heavier, the colder my heart felt. It was harder than I imagined it would be to watch him go. Though we were miles apart and I couldn't be sure, I swear he turned over his shoulder and we locked eyes. Even allowing myself to believe something that trivial is reassuring. 

Something furry and warm brushed my hand, pulling me from my thoughts. I startled. Sitting at my feet was a yellow creature that it took me a few moments to realize was a dog. I smiled in disbelief. It barked, and I took a step back. I'd never met a dog before. No one had, not in too many years to count. How the hell was I supposed to behave with one? 

"It's okay," Russel assured me, as he strode towards me. "She's friendly."

I watched in amazement as the dog raced down to meet him and then followed at his heels back to me. In Russel's hand he held a red ball that she seemed adamant on getting. Russel crouched by her, scratching her behind the ears. 

He looked up at me with a sense of curiosity on his face. "Then it is true. They told me the earth was destroyed. I suppose I had hope for man's best friend." Russel threw the ball and his dog chased after it. "She also told me you were already here when she arrived. The radiation shield has kept us safe for two hundred years. I need to know how you breached it."

I sighed. "One of our people, Shaw, was the pilot on Eligius IV. He knew the failsafe code. Radiation killed him, but not before he saved us."

Russel smiled sincerely. "Thank you. I'll delete the code." 

His dog returned with the ball, and he crouched down to take it from her. Once more, he tossed the ball. It was repetitive and simplistic, pointless, but it brought me pure joy to watch. Children chased each other through the town. People gardened while chatting pleasantly. Everything was so full of life and color. 

"Have you ever known peace, Y/N?" Russel asked. 

I looked at him with pursed lips. That was answer enough.

"You're gonna like it here," Russel promised. 

My eyes widened as hope sparked in my heart. "We can stay?" 

"I haven't decided yet. We'll talk about it over dinner at the palace." 

With that, he left to play with his dog some more. Hope soared in my heart. Maybe there was something here for us. I carried that bounce in my step, happy to finally, for once, bring good news to my friends. Although, tense, restless aura greeted me when I returned to the house where everyone was being kept. 

"Y/N, I _have _to get out of here!" Jordan said, the second I stepped inside. 

I sighed. "Not gonna happen, Jordan." 

"You've been locked inside for twenty-six years," Miller said, dryly. "What's one more day?"

Before Jordan could respond, Murphy screamed. I startled as he sat bolt upright, eyes wild, chest heaving, covered in sweat. Immediately, Emori tried to comfort him, but he shrugged her hand off his shoulder and half rolled, half leaped off the table he'd been lying on deathly still, moments before. He scrambled away from everyone, curling in on himself. 

"John!" Emori pleaded, cautiously approaching him. "It's okay! The toxin's gone, everyone's okay! Y/N, tell him!" 

I crouched in front of him, keeping my tone level and reassuring. Whatever he'd been through, he clearly was unstable. "It's true, okay? We all made it, thanks to you." 

Murphy's face fell and his wild aura fell away. Now he just looked tired. And scared. I didn't like it. "No, I didn't. I died, didn't I?"

I pulled back, wounded at the softness of his voice, of the hurt deep inside him. What could anyone say to make him feel better? There was nothing. 

Abby smiled. "Your heart did stop. But the people here revived you." 

Murphy stared at me, something broken and terrified in his eyes. "I saw something. I f- I felt something..." 

He wavered, and Emori took him into her arms. I didn't like seeing the strong, resilient Murphy I knew so defeated. I stepped back, giving him some space. Everyone else resumed their conversations, doing their best to give the two some privacy within a one room shelter. I watched as they embraced, relieved to see him alive. I yearned to be in Bellamy's arms too. But we both had more pressing things. 

I folded some stray fabrics to busy my hands, for lack of a bow and arrow or a pencil. I couldn't help the worry gnawing at my gut. Just moments before, I'd been ecstatic, drunk on hope. But maybe that was the problem. 

"Hey," Abby said, approaching me cautiously. "He'll be okay." 

I nodded curtly. "He always is."

Abby sighed, and I turned to face her, filled with cold irritation. "Y/N, Madi wouldn't stay in space knowing that you might be in trouble. I left her on the ship because I thought that she would be safer wherever Octavia wasn't." 

"I didn't know," I conceded, trying not to be too callous with her. After all, she was doing everything she could to save my father, and I'd be eternally grateful for her devotion to him. "I would have done the same thing. I'm surprised she listened to you." 

Abby smiled. 

Over the PA system, a voice said, "By the glory and grace of the Primes, daily tai chi is commencing now. May your hearts be filled with love and light as we love as one." 

I rolled my eyes. Something was so off about this place. Yeah, sure, obviously I wanted peace. But this was so different from everything I'd known. I barely knew what tai chi was. When was daily archery? I lost myself in my bitter thoughts, wishing time would pass by faster until I could have peace talks, until I could see Bellamy again.

After a while, I realized Jordan was nowhere to be found. I told myself not to panic. I doubted he could have gone far. He was a good kid, I mean duh, he was Monty's kid, so why would he run? No, I was just immediately jumping to the worst conclusions. Instead, I figured I should check up on the balcony rather than send out a search party. I could have done without the extra guard, but whatever. I understood mistrust with strangers all too well. 

Sure enough, when I climbed the stairs to the rooftop I found Jordan with Delilah, staring out at the village. 

"There you are!" I exclaimed. "You know you're not supposed to be out here, right? If they're gonna help us, we need to follow their rules." 

"Back inside, both of you," the guard demanded. 

"It's alright, Cassius, he's with me," Delilah said, flashing him a smile. 

The guard bowed. "Apologies. But he stays out of sight."

He left, and Jordan gave me a look, a small smile playing on his lips. I flashed him a devilish smirk, reveling in the obvious embarrassment in his eyes. Oh, I knew it was going to be fun to torment him. In the best way possible. If I did it to his father, it was only right I do it to him too.

"Sorry for interrupting," I said coyly, before heading back downstairs to give them some alone time. 

A few hours later, Delilah and Jordan joined us at the bar, where we were downing shots. Well, Murphy certainly was anyway. I wasn't keen to get drunk before negotiating peace. Even if it was the best damn whiskey I'd ever had. Granted, it was the _only _whiskey I'd ever had but moonshine couldn't hold a candle to it. Just a bit of liquid courage was enough. 

I retreated upstairs to get some shelter to look decent enough for a peace talk with some very regal and overtly suspicious people. I stared at the dress laid out for me. The last time I'd worn flowing skirts was for a dance on the Ark, at which no one would give me the time of day because they hated my dad. I hoped this time would turn out much different. 

I stripped down, ditching my familiar jacket for the delicate silk dress. Part of me thought it would crumble to ashen threads if I so much as touched it, but it didn't. Folds of pale orange sat almost perfectly on me, wonderfully frilly in the sleeves, swishing gently just above my ankles. I smiled at myself in the mirror. The girl looking back was someone I didn't know. 

Hoping to avoid strange looks, I headed back downstairs. When the wood creaked beneath my slippered feet, everyone turned their head in my direction. Everyone's eyes were wide, amused, astounded. I could feel the heat rising in my face. 

I glared at them. "What?" No one responded, only looked me up and down. I rolled my eyes, both irritated and basking in the attention. "It's just a dress." I nodded to Delilah, who'd provided the dress for me. "Thank you by the way." 

Delilah nodded. "My pleasure. Your escort's outside."

I smiled at her in thanks, but didn't move. Nervous energy kept me rooted to the spot. As much as I loved new experiences, I felt so incredibly vulnerable, so out of my element. I wasn't made for decorum and regalia. I was made for battle and bonfires. 

Clarke approached me, smiling softly. "You look beautiful." 

I laughed nervously, unable to form words. 

She furrowed her eyebrows. "What's wrong?" 

"What's wrong?" I scoffed. "If I don't convince them to let us stay, we die on a moon we know nothing about."

Clarke grabbed my hands, and I couldn't deny how much calmer it made me feel. "So convince them."

"That's it? That's your big pep talk?"

Clarke shrugged. "Your father is the diplomat. It runs in your blood. You'll be just fine."

I glanced at Abby who was nursing a glass of whiskey. "Speaking of, do you know anything? Is...is he okay?"

She nodded, sympathy painting her features. "He's back in cryo. My mom hopes that there'll be medicine here in Sanctum that will help him, but we won't know that unless you get their leaders on our side."

I swallowed over the lump in my throat. "Cool. Just another life riding on me." 

Clarke put her hands on her shoulders. "Just be yourself. Don't tell them more than you have to. And don't lie."

"Unless they ask about the end of the world," Murphy piped up, without even turning around. "In that case, maybe don't tell them your best friend fired the first shot."

"Don't worry Murphy. Hell's big enough for all of us," I replied, dryly, before heading out of the house. I didn't particularly want to antagonize him, not after I thought I'd lost him, but I was sick of all the animosity between everyone I cared about. Once we had a guaranteed home, we could settle our differences. Until then, I wasn't going to put up with it. 

Another PA announcement echoed across Sanctum, _by the glory and grace of the Primes, tonight's harvest will begin at first moon_. I tried to suppress a shiver. Why did these people practically worship the Primes so much? How did anyone earn such devotion? Even some of the most loyal people on the Ark wouldn't have bowed before the Chancellor. 

I just wanted out of this place. Start a settlement my people could live in without fear or strange customs. I tried to keep myself from my anxious thoughts as a guard escorted me to the palace, up the winding stairs, and into a decadent room. 

Opera music played from speakers hanging across the dining room. Russel and his wife stood beside a long table, adorned with gorgeous flower centerpieces and elegant flickering candles. Their dog was in here too, and I couldn't help a smile at seeing her. I wished I'd had the pleasure of petting one in my childhood. 

"Welcome, Y/N," Russel greeted me, looking up from his dog. "Join us, please."

I strolled down the stairs and headed for the table. Russel's wife, Simone, handed me a chalice of wine, which I gratefully accepted. Schooling my expression, I tried to keep my cool while taking in the grandeur of the room. I'd never been somewhere so extravagant in my life. I could give them credit where it was due. 

I sat down across from them, keeping my breaths steady. At least the kindness in Russel's eyes was enough to still the hammering of my heart. I didn't trust him by any means, but I appreciated his gentle demeanor. 

"You must be starving," he said.

I shrugged, taking a sip of the sweet red wine. "I'm fine, actually. Delilah's family's been taking good care of us. Thank you for that."

"It's rude not to eat when you're a guest in someone's home, Y/N," Simone said, popping a small green ball of what I thought might have been fruit of some sort into her mouth. I didn't appreciate the condescending tone. 

I refrained from rolling my eyes or making a snide remark. I really had to be cool about this. So, I indulged her and grabbed one of the green balls. Nibbling on it gently, I was relieved to find it didn't taste terrible. Certainly not fruit, but I didn't particularly care. The mix of salty and savory was enough to shut up my mind. "Oh my god, that's really good." 

Russel smiled, and the corners of his eyes crinkled. "We like our simple pleasures here." 

"We don't like finding strangers in our home," Simone added. 

I sighed. "Oh, right. I'm sorry about that. But we were running from a swarm. Trust me, it's not the way we wanted to be introduced. Like your founders on Eligius III, we're looking to start over, do better. 

Simone pursed her lips. "Yes, I would hope so. Considering you destroyed the planet of your birth."

I tilted my head. "Actually, I was born in space. But I take your point. Look, here's the truth. Without your help, we won't survive here. You know it, I know it. Our ancestors did destroy the earth, but they're _your _ancestors too." 

A brief silence followed and the two exchanged a glance. Simone turned back to me, clearly not buying into anything I was saying. "How many people have you killed, Y/N? Warrior for Wanheda, hands stained with the blood of countless victims. Not just hers. Yours too." 

My blood ran cold. How the hell did she know about everyone I killed, all the battles I fought? The realization dawned on me, heavy, ready to suffocate me. "My friend Jordan likes to talk. What else did he say?" 

"He said you went to a protected compound not unlike this one and helped further a plan that murdered everyone inside, innocent men, women, and children alike," Russel said, his voice calm and warm, though now it didn't feel as welcoming. 

"That was different," I argued, trying to push away the memories of Mount Weather, of everything they did to me and the people I cared about. I could almost feel the drill in my hip again. "The Mountain Men were going to kill everyone that I love. My friends, my father. Me. I did what I had to do to save my people." 

Simone challenged, "Would you do it again?"

I furrowed my eyebrows, knowing it was a trap. "We were at war."

"That's not what I asked you."

"Simone," Russel warned. 

"Please, my darling. Let her answer."

I balled my hands into fists under the table in an effort to contain my irritation. "I will not apologize for saving the people I love." 

"A comfort to them, I'm sure," Russel said, folding his hands across his chest. "But we are not your people. And we must protect the people that we love. Kaylee said there are four hundred more of you asleep on your ship - warriors, thieves, killers." 

I knew how it looked. Arguably bad. "All we're asking for is a second chance." 

Russel studied the table as if it were the most interesting thing in the universe. "Second chance. When I was a boy, one of our dogs bit my face. My father loved that dog. Everyone told him he should put him down, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. 'Must have been my fault for startling him,' he said. 'He deserves a second chance.'"

My stomach sank. I didn't like where this was going. 

"A few years later," Russel continued, "that dog attacked my baby sister for crawling near his bowl. She died two days later." 

There it was. I knew what he was implying. I wasn't having it. "We can change."

Pity filled his eyes. "I believe you want to, Y/N. I do. I just don't believe you can. Please understand. Violence is a contagion. I'm truly sorry. But I can't let your disease wipe out what we must now presume to be the last outpost of humanity in the universe." He sighed, and I almost couldn't hear him over the dread flowing through me. "When your friends return, I suggest you fly back to your mothership because as you've rightfully assumed, you won't survive outside the shield." 

I exhaled shakily, trying to avoid crying. I'd just let everyone down. We wouldn't be allowed shelter here. I refused to believe Monty had gotten us here just for us to give up, retreat back into space. That was no life. But now, I had no idea what to do. 

I didn't meet anyone's eyes when I returned. I didn't say anything. Before I could face them I needed to feel like myself again. I pulled off the dress and slipped back into my clothes, the ones that had seen me through war, the ones that smelled like Bellamy. 

I shrugged my jacket on as I stormed down the stairs. 

"Well that's a good sign," Murphy noted, taking another swig of alcohol. I wondered how he wasn't absolutely wasted by now. "Back in your murder gear already."

I took the liberty to ignore his comment, chalking it up to irritation from being cooped up. I was feeling that myself. Although, I was also pissed they wouldn't let us start over. 

"Y/N, what happened?" Clarke asked. 

I couldn't help the bitterness in my voice. "Jordan told them everything. Where is he?" 

Murphy offered, "On the roof with the barmaid."

I headed back up the stairs, ready to chew him out. I didn't know where else to direct my anger. Perhaps Jordan was too naive to deserve the end of my wrath, but he had to know when not to talk. A guard followed me up onto the terrace, which only irritated me more. We couldn't get a bit of privacy here. 

"Jordan," I seethed, stomping onto the deck. All the anger in my chest drained away when I saw Jordan sprawled on the roof, completely still. Blood caked the right side of his head, as if he'd been hit pretty hard. Panic set in. "Jordan! Jordan, hey!" 

I cupped his face in my hands, desperately trying to find a pulse. It was there. Slowly, he opened his eyes, calling out for Delilah. She was no where to be found. 

The guard shoved me out of the way and yanked Jordan up by his collar. His toes scraped the ground. "Delilah! Where is she?" 

I tried to put myself between them. "Hey! No, he's hurt! Put him down!" 

Shakily, Jordan pointed out at the streets. He whispered, "Oh, no. Wait. Delilah. There."

The guard released Jordan and I caught him before he fell to the ground. I struggled to keep both of us upright as he slumped into my arms. 

"The Children of Gabriel are in the compound!" The guard said, frantic. Generally not a good sign. "They'll use the night harvest to try to get her out! Follow me, please!" 

Jordan swayed. I ignored the tightness in my chest. Crying wouldn't help him. Gently, I set him down on the bench. He fell back into unconsciousness. I hated to leave him like that, but if I could help get Delilah back, maybe I would earn us a second chance to live in Sanctum. 

I followed the guard down the stairs, out of the house and into the streets. Drums pounded as people laughed and danced, completely oblivious that one of their own had been kidnapped. I raced past them, into the dark fields, nearly running straight into the guard who'd pulled the cover off a wheelbarrow. 

"Russel's here somewhere. I have to warn him. You keep looking!" He ordered. 

I nodded. Without any more hesitation, I took off through the field. My lungs burned as I took turn after turn, pulling the covers off of wheelbarrows, looking for Delilah. I caught the silhouette of a man pushing a wheelbarrow deeper into the fields. Suspicious enough to be the man at fault. 

"Hey, stop!" I shouted, chasing after him.

He ran faster for a moment, but I easily caught up to him since I wasn't pushing an unconscious person in a wheelbarrow. I wasn't ready for the knife though. The blade caught my hand as I shot my arm up in a last second attempt to defend myself. I cried out as searing pain slashed across my palm. I didn't allow myself to feel the pain for much longer. I dodged his attempts at stabbing me. I grabbed his wrist twisted it, then tackled him to the ground. 

Again, he tried to stab me with the knife, but I locked my already wounded palm around the blade and pressed down. The pain was nearly unbearable, and my blood coated the blade. But it was better than dying. We fought for power. I had the upperhand, but I knew if I relented, I would lose my advantage. 

"You have the blood," the man said, astounded. 

A flashlight illuminated our struggle as the same guard came upon us, Russel in tow. "There! She's got him!" 

The man threw me off of him in my slight distraction. I tumbled to the ground, clutching at my wounded hand. I got to my feet, ready to chase after him again, but Russel held me back. 

"He's getting away!" I protested. 

"It's okay," he replied. "He won't make it past the shield. We'll get him." 

The guard pulled the tarp off the wheelbarrow to reveal a paralyzed and frightened Delilah. "She's here!" 

Russel examined the wound in my hand, his eyebrows furrowed. He looked at me, something dark and curious in his eyes, that I was almost certain had to do with the fact that I was a nightblood. Wordlessly, he dropped my hand and moved to help Delilah up. I cradled my wrist, trying to ignore that strange feeling that something was intriguing about my blood. 

"Send a guard detail to check on Rose," Russel ordered the guard. "Tell Cillian to bring his bag to the Greenhouse. Go." 

The guard took off, carrying Delilah in his arms. Russel pulled some stray fabric from the wheelbarrow and wrapped it around my wounded hand. I smiled in thanks, and followed him back to the edge of the fields. We gathered under a tent, where a man, Cillian, I assumed, was waiting for us. 

I sat down as he began to treat my stinging palm. "What was wrong with her? She looked like she couldn't move."

Russel shook his head. "She couldn't. They used a paralytic derived from a beetle my daughter discovered a long time ago. Wears off in a few hours." 

"I didn't know you had a daughter."

Russel turned away from me. "She died in a fall six years ago."

"Your friend Murphy has red blood," Cillian said, catching my attention before I could begin to feel pity for Russel. 

I nodded. "Most people do." 

"We're not most people, are we?" Russel asked, turning back to me. He grabbed a piece of metal and puncture the tip of his pointer finger with it. Black blood seeped from the wound. "We have the same blood, Y/N. Royal blood. That's why they went after Delilah."

Well, that explained his intrigue. 

"Where's Russel?" A panicked voice echoed from behind a few stalks of corn. A distressed woman joined us under the tent, flanked by a guard woman who was bleeding. "The Children of Gabriel got past Jade and took my Rose!" 

Russel took her hands in his, his face crestfallen. "We know they're still here. We'll search everywhere inside the compound." 

"How did they get inside the compound?" The woman demanded, all tears and shaking words. 

Russel warned, "Keep your voice down, Miranda." 

She didn't seem to be having any of it. "That's the second time the shield's been breached in two days!" 

"It wasn't breached!" Russel countered. "The Children of Gabriel knew we'd go for the ship. They were waiting when we lowered it for Kaylee's team. Rose is still in Sanctum. Let's go find her."

The moment the words left his mouth, rumbling in the sky echoed all around us. We stepped out from under the tent to see a ship hovering in the night sky. The radiation shield powered down. 

"This was their plan all along," Russel murmured. "They knew we'd lower the shield to let them back in. We have to assume they have Rose. Assemble a team to go after her! Do it now!" 

The guard called Jade immediately bolted off to follow his orders. Miranda collapsed into sobs on Russel's shoulder. He tried his best to reassure her, but I knew all too well it wasn't easy to calm someone who thought they'd lost their child. 

Miranda pulled away from him, glowering. "Would you be so calm if it was your daughter's turn?" 

His daughter's turn? What the ever loving hell did that mean? The more I found out about Sanctum, the less I wanted to stay here. Even if it did mean a home for my lost people. 

I saved my conspiracies for my friends when I returned back to the house. I stared at the picture on the wall of all the Prime families. 

I cleared my throat. "We know their founders on Eligius III were all nightbloods." 

"And we know hereditarily, it's incredibly rare," Clarke input. 

Murphy snorted. "Princess Clarke. Perfect." 

I shot him a glare. "You're forgetting Queen Y/N. That's perfect." 

He smirked and took another shot. 

Miller shook his head. "Not perfect if it makes you guys targets." 

"It does," I said, well aware of how much danger I was in now that practically everyone knew. "But they only know about me. Which is why we can't tell them about Clarke, and we can't tell them about Madi. Unless you already did." Jordan's eyes widened as he realized I was talking about him. "Think. You told her everything else." 

"I didn't tell her that!" Jordan protested. "I was just being friendly. i'm...I'm the reason they're throwing us out." 

My heart ached for the kid. The first connection he'd had with someone new, someone he didn't grow up on stories of, and now he was being made the bad guy for it. I wanted him to be happy, happy and safe, I really did. But I was more worried about Madi. I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but I knew it was worthless. Yeah, it pretty much was his fault. That didn't mean I wanted to make him feel like shit about it. 

The doors creaked open, cutting the tension in the room. I turned to see Madi running across the threshold, smiling wide, eyes bright. I beamed as soon as I saw her. I swept her up in my arms, holding her tight. I was beyond relieved she was safe. 

I glanced over Madi's shoulder, locked eyes with Bellamy. There was something different about him. Colder. More melancholy. It dawned on me then that Octavia wasn't with them. I didn't ask. I already knew. 

I pulled away from Madi as she turned to hug Clarke. Everyone was joyous, happy to be reunited. I threw my arms around Bellamy as soon as he was done talking to Murphy, overjoyed to see him back here in one piece. He smiled softly. His eyes twinkled, brushing past that deep sadness. I'd talk to him about it later. All I wanted right now was to kiss him and pretend everything was okay. 

"I'm so glad you're okay," we both murmured at nearly the exact same time. I giggled softly and hugged him tighter. 

The joyous atmosphere was cut off when Russel and Simone entered, flanked by guards. 

"It's been a long day, so I'll keep this short," Russel said. "Sanctum was created to be a sanctuary for the human race. After seeing you save Delilah, we've decided that you deserve that too." 

Relief overwhelmed me. "You changed your mind? We can stay?"

Simone nodded curtly. "For now. But no more of you. You will follow our rules and respect our traditions, and we will teach you how to survive here." 

"What my wife is trying to say is, welcome to Santcum." Russel smiled.

I beamed. So I hadn't let them down. 

Simone approached Diyoza. "You're with child. How far along?"

Diyoza smiled softly at her belly. "Six months give or take." 

"Through cryosleep, then?" Simone implored. 

"Right." 

"That's remarkable. If you'd like, we can have one of our prenatal physicians examine you in the morning." 

Diyzoa nodded. "I like. Thank you."

Madi piped up, "You should have seen Diyoza and Octavia fighting terrorists." 

"Where is Octavia?" Clarke asked. 

I rubbed my thumb over Bellamy's knuckles as I felt his attitude shift. He'd left her out there. Maybe that was best for all of us, but I had to imagine it couldn't have been an easy decision for him. 

"Charmaine Diyzoa?" Russel asked, all warmth gone from his voice. 

"Yes." 

Russel's face contorted with rage. "Escort this woman past the shield right now!" 

Guards immediately flanked her. Bellamy stepped up, clearly irritated. "Just wait. What is this?" 

Diyoza chuckled ruefully. "Seems my reputation precedes me." 

"You could say that," Russel growled. "Your face is in our history books next to Hitler and Bin Laden." 

Yikes. That did not fare well for her. 

"Please," Abby said. "What about the baby?"

Russel narrowed his eyes. "If any of you would like to join her, be my guest." 

Madi immediately stepped forwards, but I pulled her back. "Madi!" 

The guards pulled Diyoza out of the room. Madi's face fell. "It's okay kid. Stay frosty."

I watched them go, filled to the brim with mixed emotions. Finally we were safe. Ready for a home, a life. But something was so amiss, I couldn't comfortably stay with these people for long. 

Murphy took another sip from his shot glass. "One way or another, the devil gets his due."

Callous as it was, I supposed that was true. Perhaps we were all on his list. One screw up here and we would pay off the devil's debts. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took forever guys!! Hope you enjoyed! More to come


	4. IV - The Face Behind the Glass

Today was a jubilant day. I could feel it in the air. Something big was happening in their culture today, and we got to be a part of it. I couldn't deny the excitement. For the first time in a long time, we had a chance at real peace and comfort. A new beginning for all of us. 

Two men were decorating an incredible cake. It was five tiers, slathered in blue frosting and embellished with white frosted decorations. 

"That's beautiful!" I exclaimed, restraining the urge to run a finger across the cake and taste its deliciousness. I flexed my wounded hand and that was enough to keep me from doing that. It was bandaged tight and healing well, thanks to Cillian, but I knew covering my fingers in cake was not going to help. 

The bakers smiled at me. One said, "Without you, none of this would've been possible today." He turned to his comrade. "To the great hall! And be careful. It's Simone's favorite."

One lifted the cake and precariously made his way towards the door. Madi came down the stairs just then, beaming wide at the spectacle. "What's going on?"

I shrugged. "I think it's some sort of celebration."

"It's naming day!" The baker I'd been talking to before said, offering us a tray of cookies. "And you're the guests of honor." 

Madi picked up one of the cookies and hesitantly put it in her mouth. As soon as she took a bite, she laughed. I loved seeing her laugh. Maybe here, she could finally get some of that childhood she deserved. 

The baker laughed. "Ha ha! I know. A good cookie can change your life."

My stomach grumbled. I desperately wanted to try a cookie myself. Before I could take one, Delilah entered, causing everyone to cheer. I smiled when I saw Jordan escorting her. I hoped that kid was nothing but happy the rest of his life. Also, that he'd get a shock of reality. But mostly the happiness thing.

Delilah crossed the room in a few quick strides and enveloped me in a tight hug. "My hero!" 

I pulled away. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel great." 

"I'll be the judge of that," Cillian said, appearing from out of nowhere. "This way, let's have a look at you. You too."

I followed after them, hoping there was nothing too damaged in my hand. These people had some miracle medicine. Maybe this wound would be gone in a few days instead of a few weeks. Maybe they'd be able to save my father. 

"Last question," Cillian said, finishing up the exam with Delilah. "What do you remember from being paralyzed?"

Delilah's face fell. "Only everything."

Cillian sighed, clearly feeling for her. This was a rather tight knit community, that was obvious. They were much like us in that way. "Don't worry. After tonight, it'll be like it never happened at all."

I wondered what that meant. It certainly didn't sit well with me, but it would be in poor taste to disrupt their cultural celebrations. Especially after they've decided to help us. 

"Now for you," Cillian said. A dazzling smile lit up his dark eyes. They were almost as pretty as Bellamy's. I couldn't deny that Cillian was a _very _attractive man. And his hands were warm and comforting when wrapping around mine. 

I sighed. "I told you, I'm fine."

"Well, I told your friend Clarke I'd make sure of that," Cillian replied, unwrapping my bandage. He took a look at the wound which was mostly healed now. Only dried black blood around my palm shows how bad it really was. "Damn, I'm good. She's fairly intense, your friend. I granted her and her mother access to our medical library and I'm told she asked for a bed to be brought in."

For my father. Hope swelled in my chest. I couldn't wait to share this new worldly experience with him. 

Cillian re-wrapped the bandage. "You'd better keep this covered. Unless you want people to worship you."

I chuckled. "Yeah. No, that would suck." 

He smiled at me. His touch on my hand lingered for just a moment before he dropped it and grabbed his bag. "I hope I see you later."

I watched him go, thankful for his medical skill. Dealing with an incredibly wounded palm while setting up a new settlement would've been irritating to say the least. Plus, now I'd made a new friend. Things were looking up. 

Madi appeared by my side, happier than I'd ever seen her. The sight of it made my heart swell with insurmountable joy. All I needed was Bellamy by my side and we really could have attained that whole perfect family ideal. If you take out Clarke's role and all the trauma set deep in our bones and the blood staining our hands. 

"So is this what it'll be like from now on?" Madi asked. 

I smiled. "Why not? I think we deserve a fresh start. Don't you?"

Madi's eyes lit up. "Does that mean I can go to school?"

I sighed, eyes flitting across the room to Clarke who was chatting with Jordan and Delilah. As much as I wanted to give that to her, Clarke wouldn't have it. Right now, it wasn't the best course of action. "No, Madi." 

She deflated and my heart dropped. "Y/N - " 

I put my hand on her shoulder. "Hey, we've talked about this. You chose to be Commander. That comes with responsibilities."

"What do you think's gonna happen?" Madi huffed. I could feel her defenses going up, almost in the same way Bellamy did it. Why did I surround myself with people who were so keen on blocking themselves up with anger? "No one's gonna find out I'm a nightblood." 

I glanced around, suddenly much more alert at the sound of that word. The last thing I wanted was anyone finding out those who had royal blood of my people. "Quiet. Now, Gaia's waiting for you at the ship with Miller and Jackson. She told me about Sheidheda." Even saying his name made my mouth taste bitter. I hated that my child had to be battling this demon inside her own mind, fighting for control. "You know you can step down, right? Take out the Flame? No one would blame you." 

Resoluteness filled Madi's eyes and she stood straighter. "I will. I'll go train."

Significantly more defeated, Madi left. I sighed. I hated to crush her like that, but she had a responsibility to her people and herself. For now, training to be a great leader was what was most important. Maybe someday she could indulge in small things, give her an inkling of a normal childhood. But I doubted any of us could get close to normal. 

"Come everyone," Delilah's mother said, her voice soothing, her smile wide. "We don't want to miss the opening ceremony!" 

I joined up with my friends, ecstatic. I could see in their faces that they, too, were reveling at least a little bit in the beginnings of peace. For once, none of us were worrying about imminent death. It was a refreshing feeling. 

I hugged Bellamy tight when he came down the stairs. He kissed my forehead and scanned the crowd. "Where's Murphy and Emori?" 

Jordan replied, "Went to guard the ship with the others." 

I raised an eyebrow. "Murphy missing a chance to act like a drunken fool? Now I'm worried."

"He'll be fine," Raven said, eyeing the waning crowd suspiciously. Always with an eye out. I couldn't blame her, but I wished she'd allow herself to feel just a little bit of hope. "Maybe the rest of us should go there too."

"What?" Jordan exclaimed. "No! I need this." 

I exchanged a glance with Bellamy and both of us chuckled. God, he was so much like his dad. My heart ached in a bittersweet sort of way. "We're guests of the Primes. If we isolate ourselves on the ship, they may take offense."

Delilah called, "Jordan? Guys, come on!" 

I interlocked my fingers with Bellamy's and lead everyone out of the doors. Well, everyone except Raven who'd decided to stay alone at the bar. Honestly, I was looking forward to acting like a drunken fool later tonight. The last time that happened...well, that was our first unity day on earth. When I was _eighteen. _Holy shit it had been way too long. 

I couldn't help the giddiness. I knew soon I'd have to get a grip on myself, but hey, there was a celebration today! And Jordan was holding hands with Delilah! And everything was turning out so well! Still, I took everything with a grain of salt. 

I stood near the back of the crowd as Delilah and Jordan wove their way towards the front, at the base of the palace. Everyone was congratulating her, complimenting her. I hoped today was as special for her as it was meant to be. She was such a sweet girl. 

On the balcony, Russel and Simone strutted towards the fancy microphone, all smiles and pride, accompanied by a more melancholy Kaylee. 

"Welcome to naming day!" Russel said. Cheers and applause resounded in response. "Today we observe the four pillars of Sanctum. They are?" 

"Repent, renew, rejoice, rebirth," everyone chanted in unison. 

Bellamy's hand tightened around mine. I knew this was uncomfortable for him. I lifted his arm and put it over my shoulders, leaning into him, hoping it gave him some reassurance. 

"Correct," Russel said. "Rebirth. Today we mark the return of our beloved Priya..." 

"Hallowed be her name!" The crowd shouted. 

Russel nodded in approval. "Indeed. As we bequeath her name to our equally beloved Delilah." More cheers. "As is tradition with every naming day, I will begin the process of making amends. As your leader, it's my job to keep us safe during the red sun. Kaylee, I failed you in this when I realized you and your family didn't make it to Ryker's keep before the eclipse. I closed the door. I kept it open as long as I could until the lives of everyone else were at risk. It was a decision with tragic consequences. I know the heartbreak you feel." His voice cracked. I knew he must have been thinking about his daughter. "I know your pain. I miss Josephine every day. And the fact that I'm the cause of this pain for you..." 

He trailed off, clearly overwhelmed with emotion. Kaylee turned to him and they embraced. Everyone applauded. At least this culture was a forgiving one. That was promising for us given our track record. 

Russel stepped back up to the microphone. "And now it's your turn. Tell your neighbor that you love them. Make amends for those you've hurt. Free yourselves." 

I turned to Bellamy. "Hey. I love you." 

The corners of his eyes crinkled as his lips turned up in an adoring smile. I loved when he looked at me like that, like I held all the stars in my eyes, like no world could amount to the majesty of my gaze. I hoped he knew he was my entire world too, my rock, many a time the only lifeline I had in an ocean of tribulations. 

"I love you too, firecracker." 

* * *

A few hours later, we'd gone through a series of naming day festival activities. My favorite was making lanterns. I wasn't entirely sure what they were going to do with them. I tied a blue and white ribbon around the top of my definitely overly-decorated lantern. What can I say? I loved art classes on the Ark. It had been way too long since I'd had the chance to express myself. 

Satisfied with my work, I approached Bellamy at the end of the table, who was sitting with his head resting on his hand, staring at a very plain lantern. I picked up an orange and silver ribbon and tied it in a bow around the top of his lantern. 

"For the first night we spent together on earth. The bonfire and the rain," I said, nudging him. His eyes winkled. I grinned. I rested my chin on top of his head and wrapped my arms around his chest. It felt nice to hold him, and watch everyone else enjoy themselves. 

Clarke finished her lantern, and approached us, smiling softly. I returned it. "Apparently, the lanterns are supposed to float, taking your sins with them."

"If only it were that easy," Bellamy replied. 

I shrugged. "Maybe it is." 

Clarke looked between the two of us. I could sense what was coming. "I put down leaving you in Polis." 

"Clarke, stop," I said, smile dropping. "Let's not do this." 

"What I did...leaving both of you like that...I'm so sorry," Clarke said, sincerity encompassing her words in their entirety. I believed her. For a moment, I worried Bellamy didn't either. I knew it was hard for both of us to come to terms with her leaving us to fight each other to the death, but it hadn't come to that. Nothing was black and white. 

Bellamy looked at her with that look that always made me feel like I could never disappoint him. "I know what it's like to risk everything for one person. I know Madi is part of your family." 

Clarke put a hand on each of our shoulders. "Hey. You are my family too. I lost sight of that. But I promise I will never forget it again. You're too important to me." 

Tears welled in my eyes of their own accord. I enveloped her in a hug. Hearing her say that was more than I ever knew I needed. Until this moment, I guess I hadn't realized how much her betrayal had truly hurt me. Nor how much an incredibly sincere apology could mend me. Bellamy wrapped his arms around the both of us, and I'd never felt more loved and important in my entire life. 

One step closer to a long life of peace we'd fought so hard for. 

* * *

Music pumped in the dimly lit room. Strobe lights flickered through the haze of smoke curling across the floor and ceiling. Cakes and sweets of all kinds piled on the small circular tables lining the dance floor. I grabbed a glass filled to the brim with foaming white liquid. I knew it had egg whites in it and something called absinthe. How incredibly fancy! 

I sipped it, overwhelmed by the thick, sweet flavor backed with a bitter kick. I'd never tasted something so wonderful. I knew I should pace myself, but I finished the entire drink within the minute. I didn't get dressed up in a flowing purple dress to not have some fun tonight. 

I spun my ring around my finger as I searched the crowd for Bellamy. I pushed through the already drunken dancers and found him leaning against a column, staring with a solemn look in his eye, not even a drink in hand. 

"Hey Blake, you know this is a _party _right?" I teased, nudging him. "Like a real party with music and fancy alcohol and fog machines!" 

He chuckled softly, but didn't really say much more. 

I put a finger beneath his chin and tilted his head up. "What's wrong?" 

He interlocked his fingers with mine. "The last time I was at a party, my sister was arrested." 

I sighed. "Bellamy, if you're gonna tear yourself apart over leaving her, let's go get her." 

Bellamy shook his head, his eyebrows furrowing, his voice taut with emotion. My heart clenched. I hated seeing him like this. "No, this isn't me tearing myself apart, okay? This is me being human. Feeling things when people I love are in trouble or die. The Y/N I knew on earth did that. Why don't you do that now?" 

I pulled away from him. Where was this coming from? "This isn't about me." 

"No? We lost Monty and Harper three days ago. I lost my sister yesterday. It's gonna take me a while to feel nothing. I'm not in the mood." 

"Maybe dancing will help?" I grabbed his hand, leading him towards the dance floor. He sighed and pulled his hand back. "Bellamy, please. Don't let this night go to waste. I know you're sorting through your feelings about your sister. I'm here, okay? Always." 

Bellamy put a hand on my face. "I know. Go have fun. I promise I'll dance at the next party." 

I ran my hand through his mess of curls, messing them up because I knew it'd make him smile. Indeed it did. "There he is. I'll see you later, Blake." 

I hated to spend the night away from him, but I felt like I owed it to Murphy to get wasted. And to myself. I deserved some fun. I grabbed another drink - this one straight vodka - and downed it in one gulp. I coughed and spluttered, reveling in the burning of my throat. Holy hell, this was so different from moonshine. 

Already, my head was spinning. My smile grew wide. I felt like I was floating. As the alcohol coursed through me, so did the deception that I could do anything. I laughed and grabbed Clarke's hand pulling her into a chaotic dance routine she had no hope of following because I totally made it up. At the very least, she was breathless with laughter, so at least I made her happy. And I rather enjoyed dancing in ways that weren't totally normal because it was so cathartic. 

Time didn't exist on this plane of reality, especially not with the endless supply of alcohol. But I knew that the actual naming day ceremony had to be happening soon. I was coming down a bit from the buzz of the drinks, but I knew I was not going to be in any condition to attend. I searched for Bellamy again, but saw he was gone, probably already headed towards the palace. 

My stomach roiled. I pressed one hand over my mouth and used the other to steady myself against the wall as I staggered for the door. At least the world wasn't spinning nonstop anymore. Just slightly lopsided. 

A hand on the small of my back startled me. For a moment, I thought it was Bellamy, but I looked up to see Cillian steadying me. "You don't look too good." 

Bile crept up my throat. "I'm going to puke." 

"Here, my place is really close, okay? You can stay there until this passes," Cillian said, his voice soothing. 

I wasn't in much of a state to deny hospitality. I clutched to his arm as he led me out of the party. As soon as I got a breath of fresh air, I immediately felt better. It was cool, caressing my warm face, brushing away my sheen of sweat. 

Then I retched. Everything I'd had to eat and drink in the last few hours came up in a disgusting pile at my feet. Tears welled in my eyes in response to the bitter burning in my throat and nostrils. I wanted nothing more than to eat some warm soup and curl up with Bellamy. 

Cillian stood silently by, never wavering from my side. When I was finished, I wiped my mouth and groaned. I felt significantly better, but my head still spun and my stomach still roiled. I needed to lay down. I knew I should be going to the ceremony which was starting, but Cillian's promise of a bed was more enticing. 

Thankfully, his home wasn't far. I could listen to the ceremony outside. As soon as my head hit the pillow, exhaustion overwhelmed me. I knew it was rather strange to be in the bed of someone I hardly knew, but it was nice. As I stared at the ceiling, the world stopped spinning. I tried to focus on what everyone was saying during the ceremony, but it was muffled and I could barely comprehend anything anyway. 

I didn't know how much time had passed when I opened my eyes, but Cillian was standing at the window of his bedroom, staring down at the courtyard where the ceremony was taking place. It was silent now, and I definitely was more refreshed. I must have slept. 

"Is it over?" I asked, yawning. 

Cillian turned to me. "Not yet. Sorry if I woke you."

I shook my head. "No you didn't. It's fine." I rolled out of bed and smoothed out the wrinkles in my dress. I joined him by the window. Even from this distance, I could still make out the wild curls of the man I loved. I knew I should join him down there, in the midst of the gorgeously decorated courtyard. "God. It's beautiful here." 

Cillian turned his attention to the window, swirling his wine around in his glass. "Until an hour before the devil fell, God thought him beautiful in heaven. It's from the Crucible. It's Gabriel's favorite play. Banned by the Primes, so don't quote me."

I raised an eyebrow. I hadn't ever been religious. No one really had the energy for it on the Ark. "What does it mean?"

He sighed. "Well, I suppose it means that there's two sides to every story." 

"So tell me the other side," I suggested. 

Cillian met my eyes, and there was something melancholy in them. "Let's just say that not everyone in Sanctum believes in the divinity of the Primes."

I tilted my head. "Divinity?" 

Did these people really worship the Primes as gods? And was there an insurgency brewing? I didn't like the sound of that. I was not going to let my people end up in the middle of a civil war. 

Outside, horns blew. Cheers erupted. In the soft, flickering lighting of the torches surrounding the courtyard, I caught glimpses of all the Primes exiting the palace doors, most dressed in rich regalia. I beamed. So the ceremony was coming to an end. 

"I have to see this," I said, heading away from the window to fix my dress and ready myself for the end of the ceremony. As I adjusted the fastening clip on the side of my dress, a notebook on the bedside table caught my eye. Sticking out of it was a notebook paper. My stomach dropped when I saw that it was hand-drawn pictures of me and my friends. Murphy, Bellamy, and Octavia were crossed out. My face was circled. Dread washed through me. What the hell was this? 

Cillian appeared behind me, moving as if he were a shadow. I froze. "It's a hobby. You'll have to forgive me. New faces are so much more interesting to draw. You're wondering why I circled yours." 

Anger and something close to betrayal seeped through me, turning my blood cold. "I'm guessing it's because of my blood."

He nodded. "Very good. You can save me some time and tell me how many others are like you." 

Like hell. "None. Now, if you'll excuse me-" 

I tried to move past him, heart pounding, but he blocked my path. "Y/N. I'm not the one you should be afraid of." 

My eyes flashed with challenge. "Then get out of my way."

Again, I tried to move past him, but he sidestepped and got in my way again. His voice rose and his eyes grew more frantic. "Y/N, listen to me!" 

Panic clenched my chest. I feared Cillian had nothing but ill intent for me now. The window was my only way out. I was skilled enough to manage a jump, even in a dress. I bolted for the window. My fingers wrapped around the sill, and I leaped up, but before I could get out, something pierced the skin of my shoulder. I cried out. Almost immediately, every muscle in my body froze. I couldn't stop myself from falling backwards. Cillian caught me before I hit the floor. 

He carried me in his arms and lay me down on the bed. "Don't worry it's a temporary paralytic. By the time we get you to the Children of Gabriel, you'll be fine."

I watched helplessly as Cillian lathered his hands and body in some kind of oil and rolled up his sleeves. Outside the window, I caught glimpses of the lanterns rising high in the sky, purifying their sins. 

"I wonder how many of them wrote down murder," Cillian muttered. His voice softened when he looked at me. "I know you're scared. The Children of Gabriel won't hurt you. Hopefully this gel will keep me alive long enough to get me through the radiation shield. If my death can put an end to the Primes, then it's worth it."

Outside the radiation shield? No. No, no, no, no, no. I couldn't leave Bellamy behind! I couldn't leave my friends, my family. I would die out there! I tried to make my muscles respond, but everything was frozen. I was trapped in my own body. 

Before Cillian could pick me up, the doors to his apartment burst open. Guards filed in, spears in hand. "Going somewhere?" 

Cillian grabbed a long knife from a hidden spot in his bedside table. "You can't let them have another host. I'm sorry, Y/N!" 

Terror washed through me. He was going to kill me so they couldn't have another host. What the hell did that mean? Why was black blood so special? 

"Stop him!" One of the guards ordered. In one swift motion, another guard knocked Cillian on his knees. "Good. Now send for Russel Prime." 

"They'll get nothing from me. Death to Primes," Cillian seethed. He rose to his knees, stared at the guards defiantly, and then I watched in horror as he drew the knife across his own throat. 

As soon as Russel knew about my predicament, a guard lifted me in his arms and followed him through the city. Everyone was celebrating the return of Priya, whoever that was, and dancing and drinking in the bars. No one was outside anymore. No one could help me. But worst of all, I couldn't even help myself. I'd always been able to rely on my fighting instincts, but I couldn't move anything more than my eyes. 

I watched Russel lead us through the palace. We took a turn into a section much darker than the places I've seen, into a coded room filled with skeletons. My heart pounded harder. I knew there was something sinister brewing in the heart of Sanctum. And now I was to fall victim to it. 

But what _was _it? 

"Lay her on the table and leave us," Russel ordered. 

The guard obeyed. Cold metal against my skin shocked my system, but I couldn't do anything about it. I could only stare up at Russel in the midst of the skeletons, begging him for mercy. 

"What is this?" Simone demanded. 

"Cillian was the traitor," Russel said, though his voice was echoing now. The world was a bit blurred around the edges. How long was this paralytic supposed to last? I needed to escape _now_. Like right now. "He killed himself, but not before using the paralytic on Y/N." 

Russel took Simone's hands into his. Simone stared at me, concern in her eyes. I didn't necessarily think it was for me, but it was there. "Russel, why haven't you used the antidote?" 

"You know why." Russel's face fell as Simone pulled away from him. "She has the blood. Tell me not to do this, and I won't, Simone." 

Simone stared at me for a long moment. I prayed she would say no. I prayed this would end well for me, though I had a sinking feeling it would not. "Jade is back. Rose is dead." 

Russel fidgeted with his hands. "Okay, so here's the math. There are no more hosts. It was fourteen years between Rose and Delilah. _Fourteen years_. Josie's still third in line. That means her host won't be born for at best thirty five years. Another twenty one until her brain is ready. We can wait fifty six years for our baby girl's naming day, or we can get her back tonight. All we have to do is kill this innocent girl."

Kill me? Holy shit. What was going on? I was a host, I'd picked up on that much. What did that mean? Did these people literally reincarnate? Thoughts raced through my mind so fast I could barely comprehend them. 

Simone opened her necklace and pulled from it a chip I recognized to be the same work of Bekka Pramheda. It looked similar to the chips for the City of Light. That did not bode well. "I'll prep for insertion. You clear the host."

Simone left, and it was just me and Russel. He leaned down over me, sad joy in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I truly am." 

I thought of my father. Of Clarke. Of Madi. But overwhelmingly, my thoughts were of Bellamy. His smile, his laugh, the love in his eyes, the jokes we shared. Would I ever get to see any of that again? Tears dripped down my face. 

Russel wiped the tears from my face. "Shh, please don't cry. Please. I promise, you won't feel pain. The mind of the host is erased, but the brain is left unharmed. You're giving us such a gift, Y/N. Sacrificing your body so that someone else might live." 

He was crying too. 

Simone reappeared by his side and put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey. Listen to me. This was meant to be. After two hundred thirty six years, just as we're on the brink of mortality a ship arrives carrying this perfect vessel. This was meant to be. 

Bellamy, Bellamy, Bellamy. The ring on my finger burned. We will meet again. 

Russel stuck a large metal syringe in my neck and injected something into my veins. It was cool, thick. Encompassing. Dizzying. My throat closed up with more tears. 

I was going to die. The realization hit me like a slap to the face. I pictured Bellamy in my mind's eye, tried to remember the feeling of his lips on mine. Warmth curled in my core, reminiscing in his touch. 

Russel placed his hand on my cheek, sorrowful pity masking his face. "No more fighting, Y/N. Be at peace. A better place. Just like you said you wanted. Thank you for this." 

All my thoughts ceased. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo this kinda hurt to write lmao. Also, fun fact, MC's birthday just passed. Based on what I wrote in the first book their birthday is September 14 (day after the drop ship landed). So happy birthday I guess?? Hope y'all are enjoying! Next chapter coming soon!


	5. The Gospel of Josephine

Bellamy couldn't honestly take Jordan seriously. He loved the kid, that was for damn sure. The similarity to Monty was so uncanny it was almost terrifying. It was refreshing to have someone who wasn't damaged by the trauma of earth, someone who was unerringly optimistic. But this just sounded ridiculous. 

"Calla lilies are nice," Murphy said, hiding a smile behind a sip of coffee. Apparently Jordan had brought Delilah some daisies because they were her favorite flower, but really she'd said they were calla lilies. Bellamy laughed. He didn't really see the big deal. 

Jordan furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm serious. Something happened at that reliquary. It's like she doesn't even know me."

Bellamy couldn't drop the smile. Poor kid was going through his first relationship drama. He'd had his fair share. Especially with Y/N. Man, was she hard to get. Always a challenge. He loved that. "Just play it cool. She'll come around."

Murphy nodded. "Yeah, that, and like maybe don't get flowers for a one night stand."

Bellamy snorted at the crease in Jordan's forehead. Apparently he didn't see it that way. The door to the bar opened. Instinctively, he looked over his shoulder. There she was. Y/N Kane, the love of his life. She looked radiant, as always. He didn't think there wasn't a time where she didn't look absolutely beautiful. Even when she was caked in blood and grime there was still that beauty of determination, resilience, wonder that lit her eyes, illuminated her allure. 

He waved at her, but she hardly acknowledged him. Something calculating was in her eyes. He'd never seen that before. Guilt washed over him. Maybe she was still irritated that he didn't dance with her last night. He'd wanted to. Spending time with her while letting loose to those entrancing beats would have been amazing. But he couldn't deny he was still grieving the loss of his sister. 

Rising from his seat, he followed her path, ready to apologize. She and Gaia seemed to be having a heated discussion about Madi. That was generally not a good sign. 

"Everything okay?" He asked, crossing his arms. 

She clucked her tongue, clearly distracted. Like her mind was in several different directions, but none totally unpleasant. "Yeah. Fine. Where are the others?" 

Bellamy tried to keep his voice level and comforting, to let her know he was sorry. She was always there for him, and so he would always be a rock for her. "One of the Primes is showing Raven and Emori how to build a radiation shield." 

"Ryker?" Y/N asked, furrowing her eyebrows. 

Bellamy nodded. "Yeah. I sent Echo and Miller to watch their backs." 

"And Abby?" She implored. 

Bellamy sighed, knowing the information would not be a comfort to her. Kane was still in poor condition and Abby was working herself half to death to save him. "Still in the library. Jackson said he found her sleeping with her head on a book." 

She hardly seemed fazed by the information. "Hm. Speaking of books, let's get you to school!" 

Bellamy glanced at Madi who had a backpack on her shoulders and a wide smile on her face. He knew that she wanted Madi to have a normal childhood. Maybe she and Clarke had finally come to an agreement that Madi deserved that despite her duties as Commander. 

"Y/N!" Gaia warned, her voice taut, clearly in disagreement. 

Y/N rolled her eyes. "Chill out. She'll be fine."

Bellamy made a face. That was definitely the first time he'd heard that from her mouth. Maybe she was trying out something new. He liked that. "Chill out?"

Gaia huffed and stormed off, presumably to make sure Madi didn't get into too much trouble. 

Y/N turned her attention back to him. She didn't seem entirely there. Clearly something else was on her mind. "What?" 

Bellamy smiled and shook his head. "Huh. Nothing. Happiness looks good on you. I take it you had fun at the party? I saw the doctor helping you out. Sorry I wasn't there. Are you feeling better?" 

"Oh, Cillian? Yeah, I'm fine. But let's just say it'll be a while before _he _recovers." 

Bellamy's smile dropped. What was that supposed to mean? He trusted her with his life, his shame, his every thought. He knew she did the same. So what was it she wasn't telling him? What was it with this distracted demeanor? 

He moved to kiss her, but she blatantly ignored him and headed out the door with Madi. Hurt struck him with a dull pain, but he tried not to read too much into it. Maybe she was just in a mood. 

Gaia was much more stressed than anyone else. He understood _why _but he didn't like that she was going to be messing with Y/N's happiness. Bellamy put a hand on her bag as she reached for it to put over her shoulder. "Gaia. Hey, slow down. Madi will be fine." 

Gaia's features contorted with quiet rage. "Fine? They gave Y/N a bodyguard for being a nightblood, and she just sends Madi to school?" 

Bellamy pulled away. The thought hadn't really left his mind. 

"Do you guys want anything more to drink?" Delilah's mom, Blythe Anne, asked, bringing around another tray of drinks. 

Jordan stepped up, clearly still bothered by the whole Delilah flower debacle. "Uh, ma'am? Can I ask you something? What happened to Delilah last night?" 

She replied, "Our little girl became one with the Primes. You were there. What's wrong?" 

Bellamy tried to be reassuring, for both of them. "Ah, nothing's wrong." 

Jordan shook his head. "She's acting like she doesn't even know me. That's what's wrong."

Blythe Anne's smile fell. "Oh, child. I miss her too. Priya's return blesses us all."

She walked away, leaving a bitter taste in the air. Again, Bellamy tried to ignore it, tried to brush everything off as customs he just didn't understand. Jordan was clearly having a tougher time digesting this than he was. 

"Priya's return blesses us all? What does that even mean?" 

"It means that they believe in something," Gaia hissed. "That faith should be respected."

With that, and an irritated expression, she left, probably to go watch over Madi's every move. Bellamy however, turned to Jordan, trying his best to be a guiding hand. "Jordan, we're guests here, and we need their help. I'm sure whatever happened between you and Priya-"

"Delilah!" Jordan interrupted, his eyebrows scrunched together, offended. "It happened between me and Delilah." He sighed as tense silence followed Bellamy's mistake. "I know you think you need to protect us all because you couldn't protect Octavia, but I can take care of myself."

And he, too, walked away, leaving Bellamy with crushing guilt and the loneliness of his thoughts.

* * *

A couple hours later, he'd shaken off the strange events of the morning and instead focused all his efforts on planning ahead. Bellamy spread out a rather detailed if not small map on a table for Murphy to see. 

"Two hundred years, and this is all they mapped," he said, not impressed. Given that amount of time, even a fraction of it, and Bellamy would have explored so much more. Granted, that always came with dangers, but normalcy was such a foreign concept to him now, especially ever since he met Y/N. Everything was an adventure around her. 

Murphy shrugged, hands stuck in his pockets. "Why leave when you're safe, right?" 

Bellamy snorted. "Oh, come on, Murphy. Where's your sense of adventure? We're pioneers!" 

"Oh, I don't want to be pioneers. Pioneers find the red zone, and wind up dead," he said, pointing to a zone on the map, colored red, clearly meant to be dangerous. "Or get caught in randomly occurring psychosis inducing esclipses. You really wanna go through that again?"

Bellamy pursed his lips. He decidedly did not, and he hated that Murphy had to bring that back up. What happened during the Red Sun was going to be hard for him to push past, even if he knew it was all psychotic. 

Murphy sighed and leaned on his elbows, lowering his voice. "Look, I've been asking around. Apparently this whole thing's built on top of cave systems. The bugs start to freak out, the party goes underground." 

Bellamy nodded. "Right. So we find our own cave system. Raven builds us a radiation shield. Murphy...we can't stay here forever. And even if we could, what about the other four hundred of us?" 

Silence passed between them. Filling it was a woman's voice over the PA. "Please join us in the offering grounds to say goodbye to our beloved Rose." 

Blythe Anne smiled softly at them. "They're offering up Rose to the woods. You're welcome to join."

Bellamy nodded politely. "Thank you." 

"Don't even think about asking me to go to that funeral," Murphy grunted. "Seriously. Take Jordan. It'll take his mind off of getting dumped." He paused and looked around, eyebrows knitting together. "Where is Jordan anyway?"

Bellamy sighed. "I think I know where he is. Come on." He stared at Murphy who made no sign of movement. "Hey, suit yourself. But if he gets us kicked out, you're a pioneer."

He walked away, knowing full well Murphy would begrudgingly follow him. Together, they snuck around Sanctum, taking advantage of everyone being distracted with the funeral. They crept up to the palace, looking over their shoulders to make sure they weren't being followed. So far, so good. 

At a hidden entrance to the palace doors, Bellamy was not shocked to find the electronic lock tampered with. "Like father, like son."

He put all his weight in his shoulder and nudged the ornate orange door open. Inside, it was dark. He could just barely make out another door in front of him, which he pushed through. On the other side, it was unnerving to say the least. Rows upon rows of skeletons filled this gray chamber, each propped up on metal pedestals. 

"Gotta be kidding me," Murphy muttered. "Which part of 'I hate dead people' did you not understand?"

"Quiet, Murphy," Bellamy hissed. "Jordan! We know you're in here." 

From the shadows of the chamber, Jordan emerged, a somber look on his face. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Bellamy said, trying to keep his voice low though the irritation he felt made it difficult. 

Jordan shrugged, that undeniable first one-hundred challenge burning in his eyes. Guess determination was hereditary. "What you would've done. The you before Praimfaya anyway. Heart over head. That was my favorite Bellamy."

Bellamy furrowed his eyebrows. Bit of a low blow. Jordan had grown up on stories of him. He wasn't there for everything that happened. Sometimes, he needed his head because his heart belonged elsewhere. It was hard to control. 

The door to the chamber shut. Bellamy startled and turned to find Gaia standing there, a warning look on her face. 

"You too?"

Gaia shot him an irritated look. "They worship nightbloods. I'd like to understand why that is."

Murphy raised a hand. "I'd like to leave. There's no way I'm getting thrown out of the one safe place on this moon because you got dumped."

Jordan didn't respond. And he didn't get much of a chance to, because the door opened yet again, wide this time. Y/N was there, eyes wild, face taut with anger and concern. He'd seen that look many a time before, but there was something knowing behind it. That didn't make sense. 

"This is Sanctum's holiest place!" She flared. "You shouldn't be here!" 

Silence passed between them. Everyone exchanged looks. Since when was Y/N Kane against uncovering secrets? It was practically her currency. 

She cleared her throat and calmed a bit. "I'm sorry. I just, uh, saw you on the steps."

Murphy raised a condescending eyebrow. "Does that mean your bodyguard could too?"

Y/N nodded. "Good point. Let's take this outside." 

Gaia stopped her. "Not yet." She inspected the skeletons, delicately running her fingers over the brittle bone. "The mark of the Flame?" She continued through the line of skeletons, confusion clear as day across her face. "They're all Commanders."

Bellamy followed her, and sure enough on the base of each of the skulls was the infinity sign of Bekka Pramheda. "That's why the symbol was on the flag." 

Murphy snorted, clearly on edge. He'd been inching towards the door the whole time. "Well it's all coming together, isn't it? Now can we please go?" 

"The ones in the front row must be the original Eligius team," Bellamy said. "There's twelve of them. Oh, and they take kids." 

He pointed towards the smaller skeletons. Unease settled in his stomach, left a bitter taste in his mouth. Something dark was brewing in Sanctum. What, though? 

Y/N stepped up beside him. "Familial love is a powerful motivator. People will do anything to ensure the survival of the ones they love. Now let's ensure _our _survival and get the hell out of here."

She turned for the exit, and that unease in Bellamy's stomach solidified. Why was his girlfriend acting so strange? 

A door creaked in the back of the chamber, and they all turned their attention to the sound. It must have been Jordan snooping. They all stood in silence, contemplating whether or not to follow. Finally, Gaia took initiative. Everyone followed her and Jordan into a well hidden room behind the skeleton chamber.

It was even darker here. The light of Jordan's flashlight illuminated what looked to be a medical room. In the center was an operating chair. Tissues blackened by nightblood littered the floor around it. Computers lined the room. 

They stepped inside and lights automatically turned on, casting an eerie fluorescent ring around the room. 

"An operating room attached to a crypt," Murphy said. "Really?" 

Jordan moved for a silver desk, upon which rested a pink dress. The same on Delilah was wearing before she became one with the Primes. "She was here! This was Delilah's. I'm sure of it. Still think I'm overreacting?" 

Bellamy crossed his arms, perusing the room. He definitely figured something was up now. "Okay, let's think this through. Bekka created the Flame after apoclaypse one. She obviously provided the tech to Eligius III before that. That means that-" 

"They're not Commanders," Gaia finished, mouth parting in surprise. 

Bellamy nodded. "Right. So what the hell are they?"

"Let's find out." Jordan moved for one of the computers. He didn't seem to have any trouble accessing important files. 

Murphy smirked. "Monty taught him how to hack too. That's my kinda parenting."

Bellamy glanced at Y/N. She was stoic. Panicked almost. Strange. Normally she would've laughed at Murphy's sardonic comments. 

Jordan shook his head. "No hacking needed. The Eligius systems all use the same access code." 

He pulled up a series of video logs. Gaia told him to click on one titled "Eureka" and a video of a man popped up. He looked exhausted beyond the definition of the world. Behind him, a girl was strapped down to the chair in the middle of the room. 

"Here we go again," the man said, sighing. "Today's subject is Brooke, earth embryo forty-seven. Presents with black blood. Twenty-one earth years old. Twenty-two doing time in the incubator." 

A man off screen said, "You can do this, Gabriel. Twenty-five years of work, the failures. This is the one."

Gabriel? Like...the Children of Gabriel, Gabriel? 

Gabriel continued, "If I'm right, the reason all previous metempsychosis trials have failed is because the host's neuroanatomy was not developed enough to support the file size of a mature human mind." 

"Gabriel, let's go," said the man off-screen. He appeared, and beelined straight for the terrified, struggling girl. "I'll hold her down. Do it."

"Do...do what?" Murphy implored. "What are they doing?"

Bellamy shrugged and turned his attention back to the video. 

"For god's sake, give her a sedative!" The other man barked. 

Gabriel shook his head. "We can't. Full consciousness is crucial. You know that."

"If this works, I'll find a better way," the other man said. "An easier way, okay? I promise."

They injected something into the girl's arm. She stopped thrashing, though her eyes were still wild, teary-eyed. Sweat still soaked through her medical gown. Bellamy wanted to look away. But he couldn't. 

Gabriel said, "Rostral dorsolateral pontine tegmentum's now full dormant. We have to wait for the serum to reach the claustrum." A moment passed as Gabriel stared at a screen of the girl's brain. "Aaand...dormant." 

Jordan's voice shook. "Did they just kill that girl? Did we just watch someone die?"

Bellamy had watched a lot of people die in his life. It wasn't anything new, but it didn't go down any easier. It never did. 

"Heart rate is normal," Gabriel relayed. "Breathing...normal. Lower brain function is still intact. The body's ready." 

Bellamy watched intently as the other man delicately unfolded a cloth to reveal a drive that looked suspiciously like the Flame, or one of the keys to the City of Light. Gingerly, Gabriel took it in his hands and approached the girl. They put it in the back of her neck, and then waited. And waited. 

Finally, the girl started siezing. Her brain activity and body functions sky-rocketed. The two men startled from their near-sleep states.

"She's waking up!" 

Gabriel approached the girl, putting gentle hands on either side of her face. "Jospehine, can you hear me?" 

Her eyes shot open. A scream tore from her throat. She cried for it to stop, screamed in agony. The other man took over from Gabriel, hovered above her, shushed her, calmed her. She stared at him for a moment before crying. She flung herself from the chair, stumbled back, crawled away from the man. 

"Josephine, no! It's okay," Gabriel said, crouching in front of her. "You're safe. You're safe now. It's me. Hey, listen to me." 

She calmed as she stared at him. "Gabriel?" He nodded. The girl frowned, obviously trying to calculate something. "It is real this time?" 

"This is real," Gabriel assured her. 

She reached out and touched his face. "What happened to your face?" 

He chuckled softly. "I got old. I've spent the last twenty-five years trying to bring you back." 

Abruptly, she pulled her hand back. Her eyes roamed to the other man in the room, who cautiously approached her. She scrambled back until her back was pressed against the wall. 

"It's okay, it's okay!" Gabriel promised. "It wasn't his fault. It was the red sun." 

She furrowed her eyebrows. "The eclipse. I was right." 

Gabriel nodded. "Yeah. Yes, you were. It turns out it affects more than just insects." 

"Our memory drives!" Josephine said. "You reverse-engineered them to upload our entire minds. That's brilliant!" She turned back to the other man. "You look like Grandpa." 

He laughed through his sobs, then enveloped her in a tight hug. Hesitantly, she hugged him back. 

"Congratulations, Dr. Santiago," the man said, turning to Gabriel. "You've conquered death."

Gabriel sighed and rose towards the video camera. He looked even more tired than when the video started. "The key is a fully developed brain. Once the adult host's consciousness is gone, the mind stored in the drive uploads with ease." Bellamy didn't realize how tense he was until he looked down at his fists. His knuckles were white, his shoulders rigid. Who the hell were these people? "Now, we still have loads of tests to run, but so far, Josie's consciousness, her self, appears to be whole. In other words, Eureka. More soon."

The video halted. 

Jordan sniffled. Bellamy hated to see tears streaming down his face, but there was no question about it. This is exactly what happened to Delilah. Her mind was gone. 

"They're immortal," Murphy mumured. 

Jordan growled, "They're murderers. They murdered Delilah." 

"It's not murder if they go willingly," Y/N said, the offense clear in her voice. 

Bellamy turned to her, masking his horror. Since when was she okay with this? Sure, she'd killed people, they all had. But this was beyond that. 

Jordan reeled on her, seething, "Did that girl look willing to you?"

She pursed her lips and didn't respond. 

"That's how they made it better, easier," Gaia said. "By manipulating people into believing they were sacrificing themselves to some false gods. 'Becoming one with the Primes' like Delilah's mother said."

"Well so much for respecting their faith," Murphy said dryly. "I mean, no offense. We let a bunch of kids fight to the death to become your god." 

Bellamy gave him a warning glance. "Murphy, that's enough. Y/N...you're okay with this?" 

She scrunched her nose. "Well I didn't say _that_. I just don't think they pose a threat to us, that's all." 

Bellamy didn't understand why she wasn't taking this more seriously. She was in danger. And if anything happened to her...well he didn't even want to think on that. "They pose a threat to you! You're a nightblood. And based on what we just saw, I'm thinking that's the only reason they let us stay."

Bellamy stepped closer to her, staring into her eyes for some sign of self-worry. All he saw was calculation. As if she was wondering how threatening he was. 

Gaia gasped. "Madi! I have to get her before they find out what she is." 

Y/N's mouth twitched. "I'll go with you." 

Bellamy grabbed her arm as she hastily chased after Gaia, but she shrugged him off without another glance. He sighed. No point in arguing with her about it. Y/N was his whole world, but hers consisted of Madi too. He respected that. "Bring her back to the tavern so we can decide what to do. 

She made no acknowledgements that she heard him. Bellamy stopped in the middle of the crypt, watching her retreat. Why was she so distant from him lately? Had the dance really meant that much to her? 

"These are all her," Jordan whispered, standing in front of a line of skeletons. A sign that read Priya Desai marked all of them as her former hosts. 

Bellamy stepped towards him, softening his voice. "Hey, Jordan. I'm sorry I doubted you." He nodded in appreciation. "Log out of the system. We need to cover our tracks." 

He nodded and moved to follow his orders, leaving just Murphy and Bellamy. 

"I hate to say it," Murphy said. "But I agree with Kane. This isn't our fight." 

Bellamy clenched his jaw. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You still want to stay?" 

"I want to live," Murphy countered. "Only these people know how to do that forever, as it turns out. That wouldn't suck either."

Bellamy glared at him, refusing to acknowledge the fact that his friend wanted to be immortal, take over the bodies of others. "Reattach the keypad outside the tunnel. We're right behind you."

They stared each other down for a tense moment before Murphy gave him a single nod and left. 

* * *

"Y/N, you realize staying says we're okay with what they're doing," Madi said, staring at her mother with confusion clouding her eyes. 

They were all sat around a table at the tavern, deciding what to do, and Y/N was nothing less than completely disinterested as her eyes roamed the room and she twirled her hair around her finger. 

"Yeah, and what's the alternative?" Murphy asked, sipping a glass of whiskey. "Go back to space? Sleep for another hundred years on our way to a planet even less likely to support life?"

"Build our own compound," Bellamy suggested. He gauged everyone's reactions with caution. It was about what he expected - surprise, agreeableness, countering from Murphy. But not the lack of support from his girlfriend. 

"We'll not last on our own out there," Murphy said. 

Bellamy sighed. This was the only real option they had if they wanted true safety for all of them. Especially the nightbloods. "Echo, Emori, and Raven will be back in the morning. They'll know everything we need to build a radiation shield. After that, it's just hard work." 

Murphy said, "Over how many lifetimes?" Irritated silence swelled between him and Bellamy. "No, seriously? How many eclipses? How many swarms? How many terrorist attacks?" 

"I agree with John," Y/N said, and everyone turned to her, confusion plastered across their faces. No one was more disconcerted than Bellamy. First off, she hardly ever agreed with Murphy. That in of itself was a bit of a miracle. Second, since when did she _ever _call him John? "I don't like who they are either, but we need them to survive." 

Jordan leaned onto the table, staring her down. "They're murderers, raising people to give up their bodies, brainwashing them into believing they're gods."

Gaia said, her voice clipped, "He's right. It's a perversion of everything Bekka Pramheda believed. The Flame was about passing wisdom on to the next line, not keeping it all yourself."

Murphy scoffed, "Yeah well, no offense, but Bekka wasn't a god either." Gaia bristled at him, but said nothing. "She was a scientist who made herself a nightblood in a lab, the same way Abby did to Clarke, the same way Clarke did to Y/N." 

The surprise that passed over Y/N's face was quick, and she schooled her features like nothing happened, but Bellamy caught it. Why was that notion surprising? He exchanged a glance with Clarke across the table. It seemed she caught it too. 

"So much for doing better," Madi muttered, shooting a disappointed glare at Y/N.

Silence fell over the table. It grew so heavy, so tense, it pressed down on Bellamy's chest like it was threatening to crush him, steal all his breath. It all sucked to Jordan when he looked at him to see him simmering with unbridled rage. He pushed away from the table, taking all the tension with him. Bellamy rose from his chair so fast it clattered to the floor. 

Jordan stormed up to Priya, seething. "I know what you did." 

Bellamy stepped in front of him, a hand on his chest. "Hey, hey. Bad idea." 

Murphy grabbed his other arm, there to backup Bellamy. "Take it easy."

"Is everything okay here?" Asked Delilah's father as a crowd gathered around the raging Jordan and cold as ice Priya. 

"How can you be okay?" Jordan asked, voice shaking. "She was your child!" 

Priya sighed, lacing her fingers together in front of her. "I know you miss Delilah." She turned to Delilah's parents, nodding to them. "Hallowed be her name." Everyone repeated. "But she's happy, Jordan. She wants you to know that." 

Bellamy could feel Jordan's angry confusion swelling as he fought for words to say. Before he could get any more out, he and Murphy dragged him back to the table and forced him to sit down. They hovered above him, ready to intercept if he made another move towards Priya. 

Bellamy glanced around as the commotion simmered down. Near the back of the tavern, he caught a glimpse of Y/N exiting out the back. She slipped through the doors silently, like she was trying to go unnoticed. What was she up to? He had to find out why she'd been acting so weird lately. Hastily, he headed out the doors and chased after her. 

"Y/N!" He called, at her retreating form. Jade hovered near her as she turned. 

"Everything okay?" She asked, her voice a bit higher than usual as if she was hiding something. 

He nodded towards Jade. "Kashem of. Ai gafa chit yu op solo. Kom nau." _Get rid of her. I have to talk to you alone. Now. _

He assessed her reaction. It was slow, as if she was trying to understand what he was saying, which didn't make sense. They were all fluent in Trig. Bellamy tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, chalked it up to the stress of a new planet and her life being in danger. 

Slowly, she turned to Jade. "Give us a minute." 

That eased some of Bellamy's anxieties. Maybe she was just overwhelmed. Jade, however, did not move. She stared down Bellamy who glared at her. 

Finally, Y/N said, "Fine. We'll go in here." 

She lead Bellamy into a nearby home, leaving Jade outside. It was dark in here. Quiet. Just what Bellamy needed to figure out what was going on with her. He paced for a moment, pulling at his short beard before turning to an expectant Y/N. 

"Where were you going?" He asked, hating to accuse her of something nefarious. 

Y/N gave him an annoyed look, the one she threw him when she thought he was being a dick. He got to know that look well in the time of Pike, but there was something altered about it. Something cold. Y/N had always had a heat to her glares, ones filled with passion and fire, after all she was his firecracker. Not this calculating, icy stare. 

"I was going to see Abby. Ask about my father. What's wrong?" 

He scoffed, hands on his hips, trying to play this safe without putting their relationship on the rocks again. He'd had enough of that to last a lifetime. "How are we on different sides of this?" 

"I know how they survive seems harsh," she conceded. "But from what I've seen, these people are happy. Their world works. We destroyed ours." 

"This isn't about us," Bellamy said, his terror growing. Nothing about her seemed warm anymore, not her voice, not her aura, not her eyes. 

She threw her hands up. "So we can judge them, but not ourselves?" 

Bellamy swallowed over the rising lump in his throat. Why would she hit so low? The hurt lancing through him was sharper coming from her blade. "You know I judge myself every day. I want to know the difference between us and them. Ai sein de fecede kom carion ai dona ripklin wona flashpa. Nau en reflecta_." I've seen the faces of the people I killed in my dreams. Not in the mirror. _

Bellamy stepped closer to her as he spoke, wanting nothing more than for her to take his hands, tell him that she was on his side, that she loved him. But that didn't happen. Silence fell between them. He stared into her eyes as she seemed to be trying to figure out what he said. That anxiety inside of him was bursting at the seams. 

She shifted uncomfortably. Her eyes flitted across the room. "I'm sorry. Can you repeat that last phrase? It sounds like "flashpa" means flashback. So was it dream?" 

Everything about the woman he knew melted away. Horror took hold of Bellamy's mind, twisting around his throughts like a harbringer of doom, wrapping its spindly fingers around his pounding heart with an ice cold vice grip. 

He worked on instinct, hardly comprehending his actions as he shoved her against the wall and pressed a hand over her mouth. "Who are you?" 

Without responding, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a syringe. Bellamy's reflexes didn't work fast enough to stop her from stabbing the needle into his neck. Instantly, every muscle in his body went rigid. He collasped to the ground.

Y/N sauntered towards him, smirking. Bellamy thought he might pass out. This wasn't real. He refused to believe that this was happening. But he couldn't deny it when she crouched over him, smilling a cold smile that didn't show in her eyes. 

Bellamy watched as the love of his life parted her lips and said, "Josephine Lightbourne. Nice to meet you." 

With those words, his entire world crumbled. All the color was sucked dry from the world. He gasped, lungs burning as grief stole his breath away. Y/N was gone. She was gone. Tears welled in his eyes as the realization washed over him like a tidal wave, threatening to drown him. He had just gotten her back. And now she was gone forever. The day he'd dreaded since he first fell in love with her had come. 

The love of Bellamy's life was dead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I guess soon means a month huh. At least by the time I finish this one maybe season 7 will be close to airing lmao. Hope y'all are enjoying! More to come!


	6. Memento Mori

"Hey! Let me go!" 

Murphy's shouts pulled Bellamy from his maelstrom of grief. He was completely dried out, empty, exhausted. He'd spent nearly every waking moment since Josephine locked him up crying. Tears streamed down his cheeks, searing his skin to match the pain in his soul. His screams had scraped against his throat until it was raw. Wracked by a sorrow so deep it cut to his bones, carved its everlasting name there, he closed his eyes, tried to relive every moment he had with Y/N. Even the horrible ones. What he wouldn't give to have one more fight with her. 

It couldn't be true. She couldn't be dead. 

The doors opened and a guard shoved Murphy into the room. He fell to the floor, but immediately leaped to his feet, pounding with his bound hands on the doors. "What the hell are you doing?! Let me out!" 

"Murphy," Bellamy said, barely aware of his own voice. He'd never felt so tired in his life. 

Murphy turned, taking in the sight of him weary, shackled to the floor. "Bellamy. You figured it out too, huh?" 

Head moving of its own accord, he nodded. Nothing Bellamy said or did felt like it was of his own volition. He was just watching passively as someone else controlled his every move. 

Murphy scanned the room. "I bet I can make something to cut this strap." 

"Who else knows?" Bellamy implored. 

Murphy grabbed a shard of glass. "Nobody yet. Just us." He began to saw away at the rope that tethered Bellamy's shackles to the ground. "Tried to offer me a deal." 

Bellamy furrowed his eyebrows. "What deal?" 

Murphy sighed, halting in his cutting. "We agree not to retaliate, they help us build our compound." 

He stared at him, forcing away the sting in his eyes. Crying more wouldn't help Y/N. Nothing could. She was dead, and they had taken him from her. Every inch of his being wanted nothing more than to retaliate, to burn Sanctum, bring its citizens to their knees. "And what did you say?" 

He stared back for a moment, hurt flashing across his eyes. It was almost believeable. "What do you think I said? It's Y/N. We might have been on a rocky friendship boat. But she's still one of ours."

Bellamy's throat tightened as memories of the woman he loved played through his mind. "She cared about you, Murphy. I know that it may not have always seemed like it, but she did. She cared about all of us. And she would never let us die here." 

Murphy tilted his head. "You saying we should take the deal?" 

"No. No, you were right," Bellamy replied, anger weedling its way into his voice. Nothing could trade for Y/N's life. They would have to pay for it with theirs instead. And it still wouldn't be enough. It would never be enough. "We don't need them to help us build our own compound. We kill them all. And we take theirs." 

Murphy smirked and continued sawing at the rope. "Where's Blodreina when you need her?" 

Bellamy brushed off that comment. He had enough to worry about without throwing his sister into the mix. Avenging Y/N was the only thing that mattered right now. It was just a matter of how to do that. An hour ticked by, painfully slow as he tried to think through the haze of his grief. Murphy's pacing didn't help either. 

Running a hand through his wild hair, he tried to remain composed. Y/N had told him a long time ago to use his head, because his heart was getting him into danger. Irony was cruel. 

"Hey, save your energy," Bellamy said. "You're gonna need it." 

Murphy rolled his eyes, halting in his pacing. "Yeah, for what? Another war? Is that really what Y/N would want?" 

Bellamy balled his hands into fists. "I don't know what Y/N would want." Yes, he did. Not this. "Too bad we can't ask her." 

"We know she wanted to do better," Murphy countered. "Somehow I don't think risking all of our lives for revenge is a step in the right direction." 

Bellamy kneaded his hands together. Irritation swelled in his chest. He knew Murphy had always been looking out for himself, but he thought at least he'd respect Y/N's life, her memory, how goddamn important she was to all of them. When Murphy took up his pacing again, he narrowed his eyes, assessing that he wasn't tied to the floor. 

"Why aren't you restrained like me?" 

Murphy shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I seem less likely to rip their heads off."

Bellamy stood, coursing with lethal amounts of anger, burning so hot it was cold. "Why are you really here, Murphy?"

Murphy sniffed, shuffled his feet for a moment, looked at the ground, then met his blazing stare once again. "You really wanna know?" 

Bellamy grunted. 

"Fine. I'm here to convince you to take the deal. There. I said it."

A cold smile crept up Bellamy's face, devoid of any joy. "Why am I not surprised? What did you see when you died, Murphy?" 

"Am I trying to save my own ass?" Murphy said, rising to meet Bellamy's amount of irritation. "Yeah, I am. But I'm also saving yours just like I did during the red sun." He paused, and Bellamy took a step back. "Bellamy, if we take this deal, we get everything we want. We get to _live_." 

But it wasn't worth living if he didn't have the most important person in his life beside him. "Not Y/N." 

Sorrow clouded Murphy's eyes, but he blinked and it was gone. "We can't bring her back. We can make sure the rest of us survive, starting with you. If you don't take this deal, Josephine will kill you." 

Bellamy bristled at the thought of someone who looked like Y/N attempting something like that. "Then let her try." 

Murphy scoffed. "Oh, so that's it then? We start another war? We destroy another planet? Is that what you want? Is that what Monty would have wanted?" 

That anger simmering in him exploded into uncontrollable rage. Bellamy surged forwards, grabbing hold of Murphy's shirt. "Hey, Monty, listen to me, Monty would be ashamed of you." He shoved Murphy away, trying to ignore how painful the blatant hurt in Murphy's eyes cut deep into Bellamy's bones. 

Murphy's voice was taut, quiet, when he replied, "Maybe he would be. Or maybe he'd see that this is how we do better." 

Bellamy lunged for him again, but the one remaining rope tethering him to the ground kept him from reaching Murphy. He stalked away from him, seething. How could he be so okay with Y/N being gone? Didn't he care that she was gone? They wouldn't ever see her smile again, hear her sarcasm or dumb jokes, or those beautiful stories she tells. They wouldn't get that ever again. 

"Get out," Bellamy said, unable to stop the tide of tears. 

Murphy sighed, and knocked on the door. The doors opened. "Don't worry. I'll do my best to make sure they only kill you." 

The doors closed, leaving Bellamy alone with his thoughts once again. He sank to his knees, sobbing into his hands. The only comfort he had in all of this was when he died, he would see Y/N once again. 

Letting the grief overcome him, he fell back into his mind, leaving an empty shell behind. Hours passed, but time didn't exist to him, not anymore. He doubted it ever would again. 

When he looked out the window again, it was dark. In the distance, he saw a ship taking off, heading for space. Who was on it, he didn't know. But he wished he could tell them the terrible news. If all his people knew, then maybe he could incite a riot, get them fighting for Y/N. 

The door creaked open, pulling his attention from the window. The woman who entered was none other than Josephine, inhabiting the body of the love of his life. Immediately, he tensed. 

She raised her eyebrows in a manner that was so unfamiliar with her features. "I don't want to fight, okay?" 

"Why are you here?" Bellamy asked, forcing back the onslaught of tears sprining back into his eyes. This was the first he'd seen her since he realized that she was no longer Y/N. It was like throwing salt into his already deep, irreperable wound.

"Because we're both struggling to live with this, and I was hoping maybe we could help each other through it," Josephine explained, stepping closer to him. 

Bellamy looked away, unable to stare into those eyes anymore, the eyes that had held so much soul, joy, hope. Now there was nothing but cold malice in them. He couldn't bear it. 

Footsteps at the entrance caught his attention once more. This time it was Russel and Murphy, both of whom looked distressed. 

"You went to my father?" Josephine scoffed. 

Murphy shrugged. "I take big swings."

Russel glanced at Josephine's hands. "What are you doing?" 

She tilted her head. Any semblance of faux warmth she'd come in with had dissipated, leaving an even wider hole in Bellamy's heart. "Saving us. He knows you killed Y/N, and unlike the snake behind you, he will cry over spilled milk." 

Bellamy's fingers curled into fists. How dare she speak of her like that? 

Something like terror, or disappointment, welled in Russel's eyes. "Enough. What the hell's the matter with you? Have you become so callous to the feelings of others that you don't remember what it's like to lose someone you love?" 

Bellamy could almost feel her rolling her eyes, and he hated that he still kept that sense about her. It was a different person, but he could feel it all the same. 

"I know you're in pain," Russel said, turning his attention to Bellamy, as Josephine sautered to the doorway beside Murphy. "I know you want revenge, I would too. We had a chance to bring back our daughter and we took it. We didn't consider the consequences." 

Josephine snorted. "For God's sake-" 

Russel snapped, "Be quiet." 

"Maybe you should just let the man speak," Murphy hissed at Josephine. 

"Shut up Murphy," Bellamy and Josephine said in unison.

He rolled his eyes, but kept a sense of sincerity about him. "I think you should hear him out. I think we can trust him." 

"Do ya now?" Bellamy said, the words bitter and poisonous in his mouth. He wanted nothing more than to make everyone else feel the magnitude of the loss he felt. Why did no one else feel her absence in the world? Why was he so goddamn alone in this? 

Russel interjected, "You can. Look, I can't bring your girlfriend back. But I can guarantee safety for the rest of your people. We'll share everything we've learned about surviving on this moon." 

Bellamy turned to the window. "Why did our ship just take off?" 

Murphy explained, "Abby's showing them how to make nightblood." 

"I take it she doesn't know the daughter of the man she loves is dead." Silence was all the answer he needed. "You're gonna have to kill her too. And Clarke. And Kane. You think my need for revenge is strong? There's only one way this ends." 

"Bellamy, stop!" Murphy pleaded. "Alright? You don't want them to kill all of us! Just think." 

"Josephine!" Russel shouted. Bellamy turned around just in time to see her coming at him with a knife. Instincts kicked in, ready to fight for his life, but he didn't need it. Instead, she just cut through the other rope keeping him tethered to the ground. 

Freedom gave reign to his anger. Before he could even register that he was free to move, he had punched Russel. He threw all his pent up rage, grief, sorrow into it. He wrapped the strap binding his hands together around Russel's throat, tightening it. Revenge was the only think he could think about. One step closer to making them pay for snuffing out the light in his life. 

"Bellamy, come on, don't do this!" Murphy shouted. 

"I'm sorry, daddy," Josephine said, her voice void of any real sympathy or apology. "Violence is all they know. If killing him is what you need, then do it. But let the violence end here. An eye for an eye."

Bellamy stared at her in disbelief. Y/N never would have said that. In fact the second night he knew her, she'd called him out for "sanctioning people because they didn't agree with him." He remembered that moment clear as day, the fire sparking in her eyes, the unwavering challenge in her voice, the optimism for humanity in her stance. His firecracker wouldn't want this for him. 

Tears carved a trail down his face. With a scream, he released Russel, who collapsed to the floor, gasping. 

Fine. He would honor Y/N's memory the right way. Or he would try his best. 

A few hours later, Bellamy had been released. He sat in the tavern with everyone else, waiting for Echo to return to break the news to her. He nursed a glass of whiskey, relishing in how the firey taste seemed to numb the ache of grief in his bones. 

When the door creaked open and Echo walked in, he looked up. Immediately, she made for their group, clearly sensing something was wrong. Everyone remained silent, staring at her solemnly. 

"Bellamy! What's going on?" She asked. 

He took a deep breath. It never got easier to say. "Y/N's dead." 

Echo pulled him into a hug, and he let loose a few tears. He wondered if he'd ever stop crying. When they pulled away, she had that same taut, rageful look on her face Bellamy knew he must have been carrying all day. "So when do we attack?" 

"We don't." He turned to everyone, trying to avoid the candles lining the tables. The flickering flames only reminded him of his nickname for her. He met Clarke's eyes, which were about as red and puffy as his own. Melancholy radiated from her. Everything felt so broken. "We do what Y/N would have done. We survive." 

Bellamy turned as he heard soft footsteps padding down the stairs. Madi stood at the bottom of the staircase, confused. Again, his heart broke. How did he tell the daughter of the woman he loved that she was gone forever?

"Madi...hey." He knelt down, getting to eye level with her, straining through the lump in his throat. "I have something to tell you." Bellamy looked to Clarke again, and she rose from her seat, nodding in encouragement. He took a deep shaky breath. "Y/N is dead." 

Madi threw herself into Bellamy's arms. She broke down crying, inciting another round of his own tears. He held her tight, wishing to take away her pain as he wished someone could take away his. 

* * *

I gasped awake, breathing as if I hadn't in centuries. Gray surrounded me, the same gray of my cell on the Ark. My hair was longer, scragglier, pulled back in a braid like it was that day I'd been dropped to the earth. For a moment, just one moment, I feared everything had all been a dream. 

But the cell wasn't the same as it had been when I lived in it. My handwriting was scrawled all over the walls, so wordy, so overlapping it was incomprehensible. Scattered across the floor were several copies of the leather notebook bursting at the seams my mother gave me that I wrote in endlessly. Voices echoed in the room around me, whispering, wrapping around me like incorporeal hugs, reminders of my life. 

"I love you kid." Dad's voice echoed, pulling me towards a notebook close to my foot. I touched it, and immediately felt his presence, every moment I shared with him. 

"Dad?" I whispered, choked up. 

_Y/N, I'm afraid_, said another that I recognized as Madi's. 

_You don't have to do this..._

_I will not let you die in this war..._

_Cheer up, firecracker..._

_Can we talk about something else?_

_It's time for you to make amends..._

The voices began to merge, overlap, and I couldn't discern once from another. Every step I took through out the room, another of my journals blocked my path, each one resonating a different person, a different memory, place, emotion. 

It was my entire life confined to this one room. And I had no idea what it meant. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guyssss I love this season so much. I hope you're enjoying it!! I wrote this out all day so hopefully it's good! Stay tuned for more!!


	7. Nevermind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recognize that some of the technical aspects of this don't make sense but whatever. It's fiction :P

My breaths came short, shallow, panicked as I tried to make sense of everything around me. Whispers echoed in my ear, some more distinct than others, but all I remembered from moments of my life. 

_Be the good guys..._

_It's time, Madi..._

_You shouldn’t keep blaming yourself for his wrongdoings. Why not? Everyone else does. You do..._

_Maybe there are no good guys..._

_Do better..._

_I love you. I love you Y/N. I'm in love with you..._

_Looks like you got what you wanted..._

I picked up a notebook propped up against the bed. Immediately, I felt Clarke's presence. I opened to the first page. Before I even read a word, my vision went hazy. A memory of me and her racing towards Bekka's lab before the death wave hit struck my mind. I turned a page, and it was the two of us screaming, distressed, terrified, ready to give up in that desert before we found the valley. 

I dropped the book, picked up another. It was everything I remembered with my father. One page I opened to brought me back to the day I was dropped to the ground, when I hugged my father when our relationship was still rocky, when I thought I was going to die. 

Yet another called out to me. This one was overwhelmingly Bellamy. Just touching the book, I could almost feel his breath against my neck, his hand laced with mine, his warm touch soothing me to the core. The first page I opened brought me back to the first encounter I had with him on the dropship — staring at him, trying to figure him out in one glance. 

_You're Kane's daughter aren't you? _

_And you're pretending to be a guard. _

I flipped the page and another memory jumped out at me. Bellamy carried me in his arms after Lincoln attacked me in the cave. Another flip, and it was the two of us in the dropship, when I told him how I'd ended up arrested. Then it was us professing our love in Mount Weather, our painful rift when we were on opposite sides of the Arkadian civil war, our teary rejoice when we found each other again after six years apart.

I closed the book, unable to bear more memories of the man I loved when I didn't know where he was. Or where I was for that matter. Instinctively, I touched my middle finger to quell my tears, but my ring was gone. 

I wiped the tears from my eyes with the sleeve of my prisoner shirt. I turned my attention to the door of the cell. Getting out of here was priority number one. Then I could figure out what the fuck was going on. Hesitantly, I approached it, wishing for a weapon of some sort to defend myself should the need arise. Without even touching it, the door creaked open. 

Total silence encompassed me. I looked down, to see my ring was on my finger, and I was dressed the same I was the day Diyoza came to the valley with her ship - down to the red pigmentation in my hair. I barely recognized the house I'd stepped into. It was reminiscent of the one I'd taken over in the valley after Praimfaya, but there was some foreign element to it as well, something that made it seem less real. 

I swallowed over the lump in my throat, trying to ignore the unnatural light coming from the windows outside. Slowly, I crept through the house. I turned down a hallway and into a kitchen, where a woman was standing at the stove, her back turned to me. I froze, hoping she didn't hear me. But as I looked closer, I realized I recognized her posture, the way her stubborn hair curled around her right ear, the golden band around her left ring finger. 

"Mom?" I whispered, hardly believing my eyes. Maybe I was dead. Maybe I had made it to some version of a good afterlife, one I never thought I deserved. 

She turned and smiled that soft, motherly smile I remembered from my childhood. Love and pride filled her eyes as she stared at me. "Hello sweetheart."

Emotion swelled in my chest. My throat closed up as I choked back tears. I threw myself into her arms, desperate to hold her tight, keep her close forever. "How is this possible? How are we here?" 

Mom brushed a lock of hair away from my eyes after we pulled away. "What's the last thing you remember?"

I furrowed my eyebrows, searching my mind for the answer. For a moment, nothing arose. But then I remembered Russel's face hovering above mine, the prick in my neck, the desperation to see Bellamy once more. "I died." 

Mom steered me towards a chair beside a table, taking over my actions for me. So many times I'd come close to death in my life, narrowly avoided it, relished in that adrenaline rush and then celebrated with the people I loved. But this time...this time I had actually died. And I wasn't sure I'd ever see any of them again. "Now you rest." 

I furrowed my eyebrows, still having trouble processing this. "It's over. I've been fighting for so long." 

Mom sat down beside me, concern filling her tired eyes. "I know you have." 

I looked at her, biting my lip to keep it from trembling. "I never thought I'd see you again." She smiled, put a hand on mine. That brief lapse of euphoria drowned away as grief and terror crept in. "I didn't get to say goodbye to Madi, to Bellamy. To Dad." 

Tears welled in my eyes as I thought about them. I hoped they didn't grieve me too long. They deserved peace. 

Thunder rumbled outside the house, accompanied by violent flashes of lightning. I stood. "What the hell?" I stared out the windows as the storm raged on, as rain pattered on the windows. "Huh. It started when I got upset."

"Y/N, listen," Mom said. "What do you hear?" 

I shook my head, still transfixed on the window. "Rain?" 

She laughed. "I'm serious. Focus. Between the raindrops, what else do you hear?" 

I closed my eyes, drinking in my mother's words. Using all my concentration, I blocked out the sounds of the storm, let it fade away. For a moment, I couldn't hear anything else, but then it arose. A steady _ba bum, ba bum_. "A heartbeat." 

I turned to my mom, who was smiling in pride, though I was in disbelief. "I...I'm still alive! No. No, I saw it. He killed me." 

Mom rose, putting comforting hands on my shoulders. "He didn't."

Sorrow washed over me as I realized what this was. "You're just in my head." Her smile fell, confirming the truth. "I loved being here with Madi and Clarke. And I love you, so here you are." 

"Oh, sweetheart," Mom said, pulling me into another warm hug, holding me close. I couldn't deny how much better hugging her made me feel even though I knew it was far from real. 

"I don't understand," I said, my voice taut. "Am I dreaming?" 

"This place is reacting to you," Mom explained. "So we're just in your subconscious somehow. But beyond that, there are no answers for you here, Y/N. So go on. Go figure this out. I'll be here if you need me." 

"I love you mom."

She kissed my forehead. "Forever. Go on."

Armed with the strength I'd gathered in all my years and the overwhelming comfort of my mother having my back, I turned to the door. Time to see what the hell was happening to me.

I stepped out of the house into an encompassing blinding white light. I looked over my shoulder, watching my mother fade away as I propelled myself forwards. Holding back tears, I turned my attention to what lie before me: a hallway of the Ark. Looking back once more, and that door was the same as my cell. 

Gunshots from across the hall caught my attention. Shouts and screams echoed from behind a red door adorned with a wreath. 

"What the hell is going on?" I said, staring at the unfamiliar door. Behind me, the door to my cell reopened with a hiss of air. "Huh. It is reacting to me."

Hesitantly, I stepped back inside, and found myself once again clothed differently. Just how I was when I first stepped foot on Luna's rig. 

"Hello, Y/N." 

I bristled, blood running cold. "No."

The figure standing before me wasn't entirely corporeal. Familiar, yet not quite. For a brief moment, I thought it was Pike. But the voice was so cold, calculating, feminine it couldn't have possibly been him. Is it ALIE? 

"No, we destroyed you," I hissed, ignoring the quickening of my heartbeat. "Clarke pulled the kill switch. You should be gone!" 

"I saved her," she said, forming into the vision of a woman in a stunning red dress. I never had her in my head, so I couldn't be sure this was the AI, but what other reason could there be? "And therein, saved you. Why do you think you're still here? I may be gone, but this precious depository of your memories is here because of me. You're welcome." 

I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to comprehend how what she was saying could be possible. Slowly, it dawned on me. "The neural mesh in Clarke's mind. It clashed with her nightblood. Somehow...it's running through my veins." 

ALIE nodded slightly, as if impressed I understood. "In a diluted, yet effective sense." 

"It must have interfered with the drug they used to wipe my mind," I continued, still overwhelmed with shock. 

"Correct. And so, you see, you exist because of me, but you won't if they figure out how you freed Raven." Alie turned her attention to a journal near my foot. 

I reached down and pick it up. A cool, metallic aura enveloped me, familiar to Raven. I skimmed through the pages, skipping over our memories together until I reached the one ALIE was talking about. "We EMP'd the chip." 

ALIE took the journal from my hand, pressing it to the page I had open. For a brief second, I was back in Niylah's shop, watching as Raven screamed and thrashed, watching everyone's terror as we thought she was dead before the chip drained out. ALIE ripped the page from the journal, and suddenly the memory was gone. 

"If I were you, and in a way I am, I'd keep this memory safe." ALIE crumpled the page up. When she opened her palm again, the memory of EMPing Raven was now a chip to the City of Light. 

Hesitantly, I take it from her. I tuck it into my pocket. "Thank you. But for the record, you tried to steal everyone's memories, even though now you're protecting mine."

ALIE shrugged in such a way that ignited a spark of iritation. "I was trying to spare you the pain and horror of your existence." 

I shook my head, thinking of how all those hardships brought me and my friends closer together. "There is no joy without pain." 

She sighed. "I never did understand humans. Those painful memories aren't even here. They're cast away deep into your mind where you don't have to face them. And yet...you can't let them go." 

I narrowed my eyes, processing everything she said. "Wait. You said this is a repository of my memories?" 

"Yes." 

"But there's something here I've never seen," I replied. Maybe they were repressed memories?

Driven by curiosity, I opened the door to my cell and headed for the red door on the other end of the hall, desperate to find out what was behind it. Taking a deep breath, I hyped myself up. Gently, I touched the knob. Immediately, it opened at my touch. Startled, I stumbled back, trying to steady my breaths. 

Emerging from a white light filled with screams, commands, gunfire was the figure of a stunning young woman. A familiar woman. Her blonde curls and calculating blue eyes were the same as the woman in framed photos all over Sanctum. 

"Y/N Kane," She said, smiling a smile that held no warmth. The door closed behind her as she strolled towards me. Instinctively, I touched my ring for comfort. "It's nice to meet you. I've heard so many things. Most of them murdery, but you know, no judgement." 

I swallowed over the lump in my throat. "Josephine?" 

She grinned, holding up her hands. "In the flesh!" Her face darkened. "But you shouldn't have opened that door. This body is not big enough for both of us." 

Processing that another mind is inside my body was taking longer than it should. I'd seen crazy things in my life. But standing face to face with a woman who now had control of my body? That was...different. "Russel really did it. He stole my body." 

Josephine glanced around the hallway. "And clearly made a mess of it. It's been hundreds of years since a mind wipe failed. But I gotta say. This isn't bad. Not as organized as my mindspace of course, but mildly impressive." 

"Mindspace?" I tilted my head, pressing her for information. I hadn't guaged her personality yet. Trusting her was out of the question. But I couldn't tell if she was genuinely respecting me or if she was mocking me. Maybe both. 

Josephine strolls around the hall, running her fingers along the metal columns. "The brain creates these constructs when two minds share a body. Like lucid dreaming, only not as fun. It's a self-preservation thing, trying to keep the mind separate so the body doesn't die." Josephine turns to me, cold irritation contorting her face. "You kinda messed that up when you opened the door, so you know, _thanks _for the accelerated brain deterioration." 

I crossed my arms, hoping it would calm my pounding heart. I still had a shot at life, but I feared it wasn't going to be a window open for long. "Wait, you've been through this before?" 

"Never anything as advanced as this," Josephine conceded, "but yeah. Back in the day, before Gabriel perfected the mind wipe, there were a few mishaps. I got jacked into some people's minds while the lights were still on." She rolls her eyes. "They were so average." 

Well, she didn't seem entirely stable. Certainly lacking in empathy. That didn't bode well for me. "What happened?" 

"The first was a six month old. Her mind was unformed, full of chaos, shapes and sounds," she explained. "Then there was Savannah. I swear I was not that obnoxious at fifteen." 

"And then they died," I said, hating how bitter the words tasted, how dry they left my mouth. Is that what awaited me too? Had I really seen Bellamy for the last time? I touched my ring again. No. I refused to believe that. 

"Brain hemorrage leads to stroke, and we all fall down," Jospehine said. "It's messy and it hurts like a mother. Would not reccommend it. Two minds, one brain. Never ends well." She motioned to everything around us, but especially to me. "So this, it's a problem. How did you even survive?" 

I scoffed. I wasn't naive anymore. "You just want to know so you can figure out how to get rid of me." 

Agitation flashes in her eyes. "Okay, weren't you listening? If we don't do something, this body dies. That what you want?" 

"Of course not!" I snapped. "Why can't you just find a new body and give mine back?" 

She sighed. "I could, I suppose. But it's risky. The last Primes who went on ice died forever. I'm not really into that. Besides, possession is nine tenths of the law, and just between us girls, I kinda like your body." 

I glare at her, refusing to be intimidated. I'd laughed in the face of death before. I could do it again. "You're a sociopath." 

Josphine made a face. "Judgy. Besides, like you're one to talk. The way I see it, you have two options." She twisted a curl of her hair around her finger. "Tell me how you survived so I can fix it, and I'll make sure your people live happilly ever after, or don't and eventually we'll both die anyway. The difference is, I'll be reborn into someone else, tell my father what happened, and he'll kick your people out to die in the woods." 

Rage flowed through me. Threats were a language I was proficient in, but they held no power over me. Not here, not in my mindspace. Certainly not if Madi, if Bellamy, fell into the category of the people she was threatening. I'd killed for them before. I'd do it again. 

I sneered. "Go float yourself." 

She raised an eyebrow, unfazed. "I have no idea what that means." 

"It means, I'm not telling you anything." I stepped closer to her, letting confidence overtake me, relishing in the comfort of my fighting spirit. "And I don't go down easy." 

"Wow," Jospehine said, still not intimidated. "You're selfish, not to mention dumb. Your mindspace contains all your memories. So try not to think of where you keep them." 

As soon as she said that, the door to my cell opened with a hiss. I sighed, exasperated. Of course.

Josephine chuckled victoriously. "Hello! You control your mindspace, Y/N. Too bad you can't control your thoughts." 

I took off after her as she headed for the cluttered cell. I caught the door before it closed, joining her in the room that once held me prisoner. Josephine looked around apprasingly. "I rescind my compliments. This is a disaster. Didn't anyone ever teach you about organizational structure?" 

She kicked around a few journals. Some pages fluttered out. I watched them float in the air, trying to ignore the pull to delve into those memories. 

I grit my teeth and stepped towards her. Curling my fingers into fists helped me control my anger, but it would only last for so long. "Get out of my head."

Josephine laughed. "Now now, Y/N. Sharing is caring." 

Whispering voices filled the silence she left. All the voices I'd ever heard in my life hummed in the air, reminding me of things I said, things that were said to me. I wished I could hear those voices again, for real. Jospehine picked up a journal, one that wasn't quite as beat up as the others. Newer. Madi's voice filled my mind, screaming, me telling her I wouldn't let her die in a war, Clarke trying to get her free of being Commander. Painful memories of Madi. 

Josephine scrunched her nose. "Child abuse dressed up as protection. Cool." 

I glared at her. Letting her get under my skin was exactly what she wanted. And if I let that happen she would win. I would die. For real this time. With a watchful eye, I hovered near her as she perused my journals. My heart skipped a beat when she picked up Raven's journal.

She smirked, running her fingers along the spine where the jagged edge of the page remained. "Are you hiding a memory from me, Y/N? Rude." 

"You'll never find it," I replied, keeping my voice level. 

Jospehine ignored me, continuing to flip through my memories. "You know I study all life, but insects always fascinated me the most. They're merciless, ruthless. I respect that. People are so messy. So emotional. Because of that, they give themselves away. I could always figure people out, even as a kid. I could tell when they were nervous. Their pulses would beat faster."

I swallowed, ignoring the fact that I could hear my heartbeat picking up in the atmosphere around us. Why was I so nervous? I'd faced worse than this sociopath. 

"Eyes would dart," Josephine continued. "Breaths would quicken. It's physiological. You know what my spidey senses are telling me about you right now?" 

I let my sarcasm fill in for my anxiousness. "That I'll never help you wipe my mind?"

Josephine snorted. "You think you're a badass, but your bravado covers self-doubt. You had to physicalize your secret so you could keep it close where you have control." Her smirk grew more dangerous. "I bet you have it on you right now. Now let me have it." 

She swung at me, but I was ready. Instinct had never failed me before and it certainly wasn't about to now. I caught her wrists, twisting them away from me. She was disoriented enough for me to get in a good jab with the heel of my palm to her jaw. Another swing came my way. I grabbed her arm, pulled her close to me and kneed her in the gut. A startled breath passed her lips. I pushed her away, hooked her across the face hard enough that she sprawled to the floor. 

Heaving breaths, I stared at her as she took a moment to recuperate. Adrenaline pounded through my veins. Familiar buzzing coursed through me, that same addictive buzz from a fight. I knew I should have taken the moment to run. I wasn't expecting her to be so strong, not after I knocked her down. In one swift move, Jospehine leaped to her feet and wrapped her arms around my waist. I couldn't get her off of me before she charged, slamming me against the door with enough force that it knocked open and we both toppled to the ground outside the cell. 

Gasping, I scrambled away from her. Both of us were on our feet in a matter of seconds. Flurries of punches met the space between us, not one landing. She was spry. Dedicated. I'd give her that. But I would win. I ducked another swing she through at me. Before she could ready herself for another, I punched her cheek. Blood sprayed. I grabbed her shoulders, kneed her face, kicked her back down to the ground. When she tried to crawl away, I planted my foot on her back. 

Sparing no hesitation, I grabbed the door to my cell. Slamming it once, twice, three times on her head, I finally gave myself a moment to recuperate. Staring at her still body gave me a sick sort of pleasure. I ahted to kill her, but I would do anything to reclaim my body, to get back to Bellamy. I slid down the wall, breathing heavily. Black blood pooled under the door, steadily creeping towards me. I closed my eyes. When would this nightmare be over? 

Alarms blared through the hallway. I snapped my eyes open. Jospehine's body was gone. So was the blood.

_Warning. Collision alert_. An automatronic voice rang out around me. 

I rose to my feet, taking deep breaths to push through my panic. I stared at the door to Jospehine's mindspace. The knob turned slowly, and then again she appeared back in the hallways alive and well. Relatively. 

"We're back bitches," she exclaimed, smiling brightly. 

I refrained from pulling my hair out. "How?" 

Josephine scoffed. "Come on. You're smarter than that. How do you think we're resurrected? My mind drive backs up my consciousness. I can't die in the mindspace. But you can, unless whatever fluke kept you here can bring you back. You, my friend, are playing for keeps. I took a sedative about an hour ago so that gives me all night to kill you in here or find the memory of how I can kill you out there. Got a preference?" 

I narrowed my eyes at her. The gravity of my situation finally began to set in. I had to protect that memory _and _my consiousness if I wanted to get my body back. I had no time to waste. I took off through the Ark. 

Josephine called out after me, "Easy or hard way, Y/N. Either way, you die!" 

I didn't really know where I was going or how I was going to protect myself. All I knew was I needed to put distance between me and Jospehine if I wanted time to think about it. Before I could really process what was happening, I stepped through a door to find myself in the fighting pit in the bunker. 

Panting, I glanced around the empty space. Without any people it was eerie. Behind me, the door creaked open. I turned to find Blodreina entering. She pulled her hood down, looking as intimidating as ever. Lacking all the humanity I'd known Octavia to have. 

Everything here was reacting to me. I knew that. So why then was power hungry Octavia here too? 

"What are you doing here?" Octavia growled. 

I tried not to look as frantic as I felt. "I just have to stay ahead of her! If I can hide-" 

"You're good at that aren't you?" Octavia remarked, her voice gruff, gravelly, disapproving. "Hiding while other people fight?"

I took a step back out of shock. I never hid, never let other people fight my battles. I did that myself. Didn't I? "What?" 

"You did that during the conclave. While I was up there, fighting for everyone's lives, you were down here." 

"You know that wasn't my fault," I snapped. "I was tied up! I was _trying _to get back out here!" 

Octavia ignored me. "Whatever, fine. You wrote me off. You always have. I get it. But the thing is, I really thought you cared about Bellamy."

At the mention of his name, tears stung my eyes. My heart swelled. I cared about Bellamy more than anyone else, more than I ever thought I could love someone. "I care about both of you."

"And Clarke? She left you here to fight him. Have you forgiven her?" 

My voice grew strained. What sick game was this? My own subconscious twisting my self-doubt as a weapon against me? "Of course I have! I understand why she had to do it! We've moved past it." 

"Have you?" Octavia mused. She glanced around the empty arena. "Then why isn't she here in this memory?" 

I couldn't come up with a good answer. Why should she have been? She ran away from this. She was protecting Madi. She left me to fend for myself, to risk Bellamy's life. 

"I'll tell you why," Octavia said. "Because you're too afraid to face her. Because you know she thinks you're an undedicated sorry excuse for a mother who will abandon anyone for the sake of your own happiness." 

I shook my head, trying desperately to make her go away. "No. That is not who I am." 

"I don't know why you're arguing with me, Y/N." Her face darkened. "After all, I'm just a subconscious projection of you."

I opened my mouth, ready to object, but I knew it had to be true. I was in my head. These were all places familiar to me. 

_Warning. Collision alert_. 

Shit. She found me. 

My breathing quickened. I turned to Octavia, panicked. "Help me." 

She snorted. "That'll happen."

Huffing, I retreated to the shadows of the arena, watching as Jospehine circled Octavia. "Ha. You look fun." 

"Have at her," Octavia growled, storming away. 

I raced up the ramp of the arena, heading for the door behind the thone Octavia always sat at. I tried to ignore as Jospehine taunted me from below, but I couldn't block anything out. 

"Even your projections hate you, Y/N!" 

I raced out of the door, stopping short before I slammed into another door in a stark white room. Broken glass littered the ground, and there was a jagged hole in the window of the door. Immediately, I recognized where I was. Mount Weather. 

I opened the door, entering the room I'd been kept in when I was held here. It looked just the same as it had when I'd spent time here, down to the Fahrenheit 451 book on the white couch. The only thing different was a body covered with a sheet on the bed I'd once rested on. 

Hesitantly, I pulled it off to reveal a familiar woman, covered in radiation burns. "Maya?" 

A moment of silence passed. Her eyes snapped open. Startled, I took a step back. Her eyes followed me, as she slowly sat up. "Hi Y/N."

I shook my head, stumbling away from her, trying my hardest not to cry. "No. I don't want this. I don't want any of this!" 

"That's the thing, Y/N," Maya grunted. "Some part of you does want this. Or I wouldn't be here. I have a question for you. Why are you fighting so hard to stay alive?" 

I swallowed over the lump in my throat. Did I feel partially responsible for Maya's death? Absolutely. I had instigated a rebellion. I'd fought her people, I'd roped her into it. I hadn't pulled the lever that killed her, but I might as well have. "I- I have to-" 

"Save your people," Maya drawled, rolling her eyes. "Yes, I know. Too bad I wasn't in that group, huh?" 

"I never meant to hurt you, Maya. None of us did," I said, my voice nearly a whisper. Killing Maya is what broke Jasper. I broke Jasper. "I'm sorry."

Maya lauged bitterly, echoing my thoughts. "You keep saying that. Tell me, are you sorry about Jasper too? After all, killing me is what sent him off the deep end." 

My lip trembled. I bit down on it, trying to push away the pain of losing Jasper. "He made his choice."

"Wrong. His death is on you too," Maya said. I took a deep, shaky breath. Maybe she was right. Maybe I should have tried harder. I shouldn't have left him in Arkadia. I shouldn't have let him die. "You do things, but other people pay the price. You and Clarke are one and the same." 

Irritation battled for control over my despair. "Okay, that's enough." 

"You've killed more people than you've saved. Do you realize that?" Maya stepped closer to me. I let her. I refused to be intimiated any further by my own worst fears, doubts, regrets. "If you really cared about saving people's lives, you'd walk away. You know what I think? You like being the savior. Your desire to be a leader got in the way of your desire for peace for people. You like playing god. You're not so different from the Primes, you know." 

"That's not true," I replied. "I'm just trying to lead my people to a better life!" 

An alarm blared again. _Radiation alert_. 

I groaned. Not again. 

"She's coming," Maya said. "Why don't you just give in to her? Just give up control for once."

I furrowed my eyebrows. I couldn't give up. I couldn't do that to myself. Bellamy wouldn't want me to do that to myself. I touched my ring. Clarity and comfort washed away all my doubts, giving me strength to keep fighting. "Control...I'm in control. Huh." I pulled the chip from my pocket, the one that held the memory I was hiding from Josephine. "I have an idea."

I closed my fist around the chip. Concentrating hard, I willed it away. Light filled my palm for a moment before dimming. When I opened my hand, the chip was gone. Confidence overtook me for the first time since I'd found out what was happening. Josephine wasn't going to beat me. 

Smirking smugly, I crossed my arms, waiting for her to enter. She greeted me with an irritated grin before giving Maya a once-over. "Whoa. You have a little something..."

Maya touched her face and chuckled. "Oh. Heh. She hid it in the cave."

I heaved a sigh, exasperated. "Are you kidding me?" 

Jospehine laughed. "I mean, your projections are the best. Care to take us?"

Maya nodded. "Mmhmm."

The landscape changed, and suddenly we were in the cave where our insurgency had hid from Pike, the same one where we'd kept Madi to keep her safe from the war. At the mouth of the cave was the rover. 

"Thank you melty girl," Josephine said. "Nice parking spot."

I kept my emotions in check. She was falling for it. I loved when people underestimated me. They always lost. Josephine strolled towards the rover. As soon as she opened the back door, Maya was there, waiting with a shock collar, the same kind that McCreary had used on me. It clamped tight around Josephine's throat. Electricity coursed through it. In a split second, she was on the ground, glaring at me. 

I crouched down, smiling a cold smile. "You have no power here. This is my mindspace. Turns out, I can create whatever I want. Including her."

I noded towards the back of the rover, where Maya no longer stood. She was but a manifestation of my subconscious. 

Josephine sneered. "Cute." 

"I wouldn't bother," I said, as she moved to leave the cave, not hiding my smirk at all. "The collar is geotagged to the cave." 

Josephine sighed and turned around. "Okay, so what's your plan here? Stall until I wake up? I'll just try again night after night. And the more time I spend here, the faster you die. And let me tell you, that death ain't fun or pretty. You can't win. So why bother?"

I rolled my shoulders back, standing taller, feeling more power than I had in a while. "To make sure you lose. Me, I'll find a way to survive. I always do." 

Amused, Jospehine kicked a pebble. "You've got spunk. I'll give you that. Things were different we could've been friends. But I'm bored now."

Josephine reached up to the collar and pulled at it. Electricity coursed through her at an intense continuous voltage. She groaned in pain. Black blood dripped from her eyes, her nose, her mouth. The pungent scent of burning flesh filled the cave. I just stared as she electrocuted herself until she went still, and disappeared. 

"Hey, Y/N," her voice echoed in the atmosphere around me, as I was suddenly back in the Ark, racing through the hallways. "I may not be able to create anything in your mindspace, but I can sure bring something in!" 

Fueled by terror, by the need to survive, I ran through the halls. I could sense the shift in the mindspace. Josephine was done playing with me. Now she was out to kill. I had to get ahead of that. How, was the question. 

I ignored the steady drum of heavy footsteps behind me. It was Russel. She brought Russel in here too. Two against one hardly seemed fair, but I loved impossible odds. I could get through this. 

"Ever take zoology one-oh-one, Y/N?" Russel said from behind me, as I raced around another corner, trying to block him out. "Hunting tactics of predator species? No? How about a quick lesson then. The most common..." 

His voice faded out and was picked up by Josephine. "...pursuit predators expend energy running down slower prey, or they pace themselves and let their prey tire themselves out. I'm proposing a third option. Just show me where you hid it so we can both kick back and rest. All this running is plain undignified."

I didn't respond. I barely listened to what she was saying. All I knew was I had to run. I had to run before I could fight. I stopped short when I found myself in the hospital ward. My mother lie on a table, sickly pale, barely breathing. Her dimming eyes flitted to me. Sobs caught in my throat. I pushed on. I couldn't watch her die. Not again.

I kept running until I felt a tug in the back of my mind. Agony washed through me, accompanied by despair. Panic latched onto my heart. Josephine was getting into my dark memories, things I didn't want to face. I closed my eyes. When I opened them again, I was in the clearing of a dark forest. The trees around me were blurred, whispering ominously. 

My heart stoppped when I saw Josephine tinkering with the locked box that I opened in the back of the rover when it was just me and Clarke wandering the wasteland of our world. The one that reminded me of Jasper. "Get away from that!" 

She grabbed a knife embedded in a tree, holding it out towards me. Immediately, a memory passed through me. I relived the moment Charlotte threw herself off the cliff. The crippling sorrow that tore through me then, screamed through me now. I remembered throwing that knife at Murphy's head, swearing to kill him. I pushed through the pain of the memory and advanced on Josephine. 

"Oh, hey Y/N. This is the place you were avoiding? It's not even that scary." Josephine looked around once more, conceding. "Well, it's a little ominous." 

I tried to ignore the pain of this place, the horrible memories looming around me. "You shouldn't be here."

"It was clever hiding it here," Josephine said, backing away from me. "The place you wouldn't go, so the place I wouldn't look. Memory is funny you know. The formative stuff, the traumas, the things we can't move past, they live deep in the brain stem. These are the wounds we pay shrinks not to fix. These places control us, make us who we are. It's actually connected to the lower brain function. Breathing, reflexes. It's why you cry when you think of Charlotte." 

I curled my fingers into fists. "Shut up." 

I touched my ring, desperate for more comfort, but this time it wasn't. The painful memory of me screaming at Bellamy, throwing my ring at him, washed over me. I snapped my hand away. That one I never wanted to relive again, not in any sense. 

"All of this guilt for the deaths you've caused, but I don't get it. Why are you so torn up?" She asked, pushing my buttons in just the right way to rile me up. "Everything you did was to save your people. I'd do the same thing." 

I scoffed. "A ringing endorsement." 

Josephine shrugged, continuing, "The thing I don't get is why you don't care about saving your people now." 

"What?" I replied, trying to reign in my anger, my terror at being here. I'd been avoiding these memories for so long. I didn't want to start facing them now. 

Josephine began circling the clearing. "Let's say somehow you could fight me off and get your body back. What would that do to your friends and family? Do you think my father would just let me go? What you're doing right now leads to the genocide of your people. Which I guess is par for the course with you." 

"I just want to live!" I exclaimed. 

"Do you, though? Because your mind sure doesn't seem to. Have you ever even once considered that the solution is to sacrifice yourself?" 

Of course I had. I would have easily laid down my life for any of my people. But I couldn't give up. They wouldn't want me to just...give up. I'd made such an effort to not be a coward. And giving up is exactly what that would make me. 

"Your people are safe," Josephine said, her voice getting softer. "Bellamy made sure of it." 

My heart beat faster. The ring around my finger seemed to burn at the mention of him. Like our love couldn't be contained, like we were both desperate to get back to each other. I was. But he thought I was dead. 

"I mean, he took your death hard, sure, but he knew the only thing a leader could do was to strike a deal for peace. Now it's time for you to step up."

Peace. That was all I ever wanted for him. Maybe...maybe if he could have that, I could just give up. He could be happy without me. But I knew him better than anyone. And he didn't give up on people he loved. 

"Bow out gracefully, and your people get to live happily ever after." 

I could barely hear my voice when I spoke. "You...you're lying. Bellamy would never make a deal like that." 

Josephine scoffed. "The lack of trust hurts me, Y/N. So that's why I brought this." She held up the book in her arms. I raised an eyebrow. "You have handwritten journals, I have neatly printed books. Don't judge. Here. Take it. It's not a trick. I don't play that way." 

Hesitantly, I took the book from her. Immediately, I was thrown into a memory of hers while she was in my body. Bellamy was dishevled, a pained tortured look in his eyes. My heart broke at the sight of him like that. I watched as Russel offered him safety, peace for everyone. He agreed to it, only because it was what I would have done. 

Josephine took the book, pulling me out of the memory. I longed to be there again, just to see Bellamy, be in his presence for just a moment longer. He held me in too high a regard. I wasn't sure I would have made the same deal if I'd thought Bellamy had been killed. I would've burned Sanctum to cinders. 

"It's time for you to sacrifice for your people, Y/N," Josephine advised. "Don't start another war they'll have to fight." 

Grim resignation fell over me. Could I give up? I knew I should. Let them be happy. I could rest. Sure, I'd be without everyone I cared about, but I was so tired. "I need them to be okay."

"By my word, your people will be safe," Josephine assured me. "Bellamy is meeting with my father first thing in the morning to discuss building them a compound. They'll have a new home, a new life. Madi can go to school. Just like any other kid. Your friends can settle down. Everyone can stop fighting. Including you." 

Tears welled in my eyes. I glanced around the clearing, realizing I'd never have to live through this pain again. Peace sounds nice. And Bellamy would be happy. That was all I needed. Slowly, I nodded. "Tell Madi I love her. And tell all of them. Tell Bellamy...tell him we will meet again." 

Josephine nodded. Even though I didn't trust her in the slightest, it seemed sincere. One last courtesy before she took over my body for good. I unlocked the chest for her, ignoring the pain of losing Jasper, of being alone and afraid with Clarke. 

She reached inside, pulling out a framed picture of my mother. Her soothing voice filled the air around us, the last coherent conversation I had with her before I snapped. After that, it was Jasper's goggles. I couldn't stand to look at those anymore. 

Josephine sifted through my pain until she found the chip. The memory of EMPing Raven flashed through my mind. Satisfaction crossed her face. "An EMP. Cool." 

I rolled my eyes. I couldn't find it in me to be snarky. I was going to die. I'd seen everyone I loved for the last time. There was no point anymore. 

Josephine sighed. "It'll be over soon. I promise." 

She sauntered off, leaving me alone in the darkest recesses of my mind. Finally by myself, I collapsed to the ground. Tears streamed down my face. I screamed, letting lose all the pent up rage, fear, sorrow, I'd been holding back. Finally, I was going to be free. I never thought freedom would have so bitter a taste. 

* * *

After coming to terms with my death, I headed out of my nightmare space, to somewhere more pleasant. I sat in a nook by a window in the house I shared with Clarke and Madi. Sunlight streamed in through the windows. Birds chirped outside. I smiled softly, relishing in the peaceful morning. 

Idly, I let my pencil glide across the paper, weaving fantastical tales. One more bedtime story to keep me company before I met the eternity of death. I just wished I had some company, however fabricated, before I left this world. 

The door creaked open. Joy fluttered through me, spreading warmth. I perked up. "Mom?" 

It wasn't my mom who rounded the corner. Rather, it was a familiar young face that never failed to make me laugh or boost my hope for humanity. I threw my journal down and raced across the room, eveloping him in a tight hug. "Monty!" 

Tears welled in my eyes as I held tight to him. He wrapped his arms around me in a gentle reciprocation of the hug. Even though I knew it wasn't _really _him here, I couldn't deny how happy I was to get to see him again. 

"You call this doing better?" He murmured in my ear. My elation faded away as I pulled out of the hug. Disappointment painted his features. "Giving up isn't better."

I shook my head. "That's not what I'm..." He made a face. "I'm doing this for the others. They'll live."

Monty rolled his eyes. "It's all for my people. I've heard that excuse before." 

"It's like you said to Clarke. We don't get to decide who lives or dies. I'm not deciding for anyone else. Just for me." I sat down, any sense of hope gone. This felt like it was dragging out forever, and I just wanted to be done. Everyone was going to be just fine without me. 

Monty sighed. "Look. I get it. It's been endless. Fighting, holding our pain on your shoulders. Anyone would be tired. But are you really gonna leave him?" 

Monty sat down beside me, pointing to the journal I'd been writing in. Heat rose in my face. It was a romance between me and Bellamy, a final profession of my love. 

I smiled softly. "Maybe he's better off without me." 

"I don't think that's true," Monty said. 

"He'll find someone with less baggage. Someone who will love him as much as I do. And Clarke will take care fo Madi. Bellamy already made a deal that keeps everyone safe. 

"This is about being the good guys. Yeah. That deal means our side gets to live, but at what cost?" Monty implored. "You're giving in to people who murder human beings to live forever." 

"That's easy to say. But in the real world, we have to do what's best for our people," I replied, despondent. 

Monty shook his head. "Doing the wrong thign is never what's best. The ends don't justify the means. You know that."

I ran my hands through my hair. Fighting with Monty was not how I wanted to spend my last few moments alive. "What do you want from me, Monty? It's too late. Josephine already has the memory. As soon as she wakes up, she'll know how to get me out of my head. It's over."

Monty stared at me for a moment. Conviction filled his eyes as he rose. "We'll see about that."

He held out his hand to me. Teary eyed, I stared at him. I guess I had nothing to lose. I grabbed his hand, and together we walked the hallways of the Ark towards Josephine's door. 

"This is Josephine's mindspace," I said, pausing in front of the door. "She controls it." 

Monty gave me a lopsided grin. "What's she gonna do? Kill you?" 

I laughed half-heartedly. He was right. I truly had nothing to lose by entering her memories. I opened the door, and entered, Monty right beside me. It was certainly much more organized than my mindspace. Set up like a library, shelves packed full with books floor to ceiling. It was truly astounding. 

"Wow," I breathed, strolling down one hallway, staring up at the dim, rustic chandeliers. I ran my fingers along the spines of the books. "Two hundred and thirty years of memories." 

A distant explosion shook the library. Dust rained down from the ceiling. I exchanged a concerned glance with Monty. That didn't bode well. 

"Good new is, we can affect her body in here," Monty said. "Bad news is, Josephine seems to sense it. Come on. Let's find something we can use."

Voices from Josephine's life whisper around us, pulling us down certain hallways. I ignore them. Monty and I split up, perusing the books. All of them were labelled the same - Josephine Ada Lightbourne, followed by a number. 

"They're all in chonological order," I mused. 

"I like your journals better," Monty remarked. 

I smiled at him from across the aisle. I looked through them for what seemed like forever, unsure of what would be of use until Monty called for my attention. 

"Look!" He headed for a door in the back of the library labelled "Special Collections." "This must be where she keeps her primal wounds. "She said they create a physical response." 

My eyes widen. There it is. A little flicker of hope sparking in my core. "We could control my body from there."

Monty pulled something from his pocket, holding it up to me. "On it! This'll take a minute." He began tinkering with the electronic lock, ready to break open the door to Josephine's deepest memories. "Find out who she is while I get this open."

Russel's voice filled my mind as I ran my fingers across the books. "One more time." 

"B-O-R-N-E-O," Josephine replied.

One book in particular called out to me. I pulled it from the shelf and found myself in one of Josephine's memories. It was a hazy, yellow-hued world. Josephine was in a body that was not hers - much older, though she still played with her hair the same way I'd seen her do here. Her attention was focused on the canvas before her, where she was painting her face. 

"You can admit it, Josephine," said a woman I recognized as Kaylee. So this couldn't have been too long ago then. "You have a fixation."

Josephine chuckled. "It's called appreciation." 

Kaylee snorted, an amused smile on her face as she lounged on the couch. "Oh." 

"Don't you miss your first body?" Josephine asked. 

Kaylee shrugged. "I'm all about living in the now. Focusing on the people that are here, not those faded into dust." 

Josephine took a swig of some amber liquid I assumed had to be alcohol. "Maybe it's time for you to refocus on your own kind. Some of these people aren't worth your attention Lee-Lee."

Kaylee rose, throwing up her hands. "Well, what can I say? I'm open minded." 

I watched as Josephine staggered, pressing a hand to her forehead. She closed her eyes, recovering slowly. "This jo juice is really getting me tonight." 

Kaylee clasped her hands together behind her back. She strolled across the tower room to the large round window, where she stared out, unconcerned. "Is it? Hmm." 

I knew what that meant. I'd been alive long enough to know when someone had been betrayed in some manner or another. 

Josephine made her way to join Kaylee at the window, gripping the edges of the table or chairs, whatever she could get her hands on to steady herself. In spite of myself, a pang of worry struck my heart. I knew she wasn't a good person. I couldn't help feeling pity. 

"This isn't just j-juice," Josephine mused, setting the glass down. "Shuimian jiangguo." 

Kaylee turned to Josephine, kindness absent from the wrinkles in her face. "I thought it was fitting, given you cataloged them though I still think you could've beat 'sleeping berries.'" A pause of silence passed between them. Kaylee crossed her arms. "Tell me why."

Josephine stagged closer to her friend. "You have to understand Lee-Lee. Isaac was a threat." 

"He'd never hurt anyone, and he was mine," she replied, voice sharp. "What, you couldn't stand to see me happy?" 

"He defied the will of the Primes," Josephine argued. 

"He defied oblation. That's not the will of the Primes. That's just you." 

I stepped closer to them, drawn by curiosity of their fight. I had a feeling how this was going to unfold. My feelings were generally right. 

"Only two hosts have been born in the past twenty years!" Josephine hissed. "The nulls are muddying the bloodline. Without oblation, we go extinct. Hell, you helped me spread the word before you decided to hop in the sack with Isaac! Now you're sounding like Ryker."

Kaylee stiffened. "People are more than their blood." 

"I'm talking about the bigger picture here!" 

"Your answer is murder?" Kaylee scoffed, stepping closer to her friend. "Did you think I wouldn't notice? I don't know what happened to you, but this is not who you are."

Josephine rolled her eyes. "I'm getting bored. Why the hell did you drug me?" 

Kaylee reached forwards, bunching the fabric of Josephine's shirt in her fists. "So they believe this was an accident." 

Instinctively I stepped forwards to interceded, but this had already happened. There was nothing I could do to stop Kaylee from hurling Josephine through the window and down several stories. Glass shattered. Josephine screamed. I pushed the book back into the shelf. 

I glanced at Monty, who was still working on cracking open the door. Stomach churning at what I just saw, I moved on to another book, another memory. This time, I'm in a forest. A baby lies on the ground amidst freshly fallen leaves, wrapped in a few roots, crying. My heart ached as I stared at it. 

A man emerged from the treeline, running for the child. I stepped away, watching the events fold from afar. 

"You must think very little of me, Isaac," said a woman who approached him at a steady pace. I had to assume the woman was Josephine. "Did you think I wouldn't notice my offering was going missing? The forest doesn't feed that quickly. Are you giving them to Gabriel?"

Isaac held up his hands in defense, standing protectively in front of the baby. "Josephine, I can explain." 

"Oh, I get it. You think because you're Kaylee's pet your more than what you are." 

"I am," replied Isaac, conviction in his voice. "We all are. Just because we can't bear a host doesn't mean we're worthless!" 

"I agree," Josephine said coolly. 

"Really?" 

Josephine blew a graying hair out of her wrinkled face. "Worthless implies a sort of neutrality. Something with no positive value. But nulls, you are less than useless. You dilute the bloodline. You make it less likely that anyone would bear a host. I can't let that happen. I have to think of my people." 

That sounded a little too familiar. I knew where I stood, but watching it from another perspective was jarring. 

"We _are _your people," Isaac insisted. "We could be so much more. We could do so much more if only we were allowed to truly live, if you would let us be more than just janitors or guards!" 

"That argument would carry a lot more weight if you weren't delivering soldiers to our enemies. Tell me, how is Gabriel? His latest host must be ninety-five by now." 

Isaac shook his head in disbelief. "I'm just trying to keep our people alive. Oblation is wrong. Why should this child be sacrificed? He's done noth-" 

He stopped short as Josephine sliced his throat with a blade. Crimson blood ran down his skin, staining his clothes. I gasped as he collasped to the ground, dead. 

"Don't worry, Isaac," Josephine said derisively. "Your spirit shall live eternal."

I pulled myself out of the memory. Damn. Josephine wasn't messing around when it came to her desire for life. I was trusting her less and less. How safe could my friends and family really be if she still arose every now and then? 

I turned to Monty, suddenly filled with determination. "You were right. We can't let her win."

Monty nodded, tinkering with the controls to her door. "Almost got it." It beeped, and he pumped his fists in the air, cheering. I grinned. How I missed that. 

Sparing no hesitation, we bolted through the door into the deep recesses of her mind. It was much less ominous than mine, I had to say. It was a well lit diner, bustling with people. I'd never been in anything of the like, not really. This must have been from earth before the world ended. 

Decorations for the holiday season adorned the walls. Merry music blasted from the speakers. I halted in the doorway, unsure what to make of this place. 

"Earth before the bombs," I marvelled, taking in the teenagers laughing over hot chocolate, the business men brushing snow from their coats while ordering coffee. Everything was so...normal. This is exactly what I wanted. Strange to think how hellish the world would turn out to be. 

Monty moved to the counter, picking up a newspaper with Diyoza's face on the front page. "Hey check it out! Nice place." 

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Why would she keep this memory locked away?"

"More importantly," Monty added, "How do we get control from here?"

I glanced around, trying to figure out the answer to that, when I spotted Josephine sitting at a booth, poring over schoolwork. Even she seemed normal. Wild. 

I grabbed Monty's arm and pulled him over to her booth to see just what made this memory so painful. I listened intently to the normalcy of the words that came out of her mouth. 

"Ugh, I swear I'm not taking Hanlen next semester," she complained to the girl sitting across from her who I assumed was a friend of hers. "I can't deal with Silvestri anymore." 

"Does that mean you're not going on your little secret family project?" Her friend inquired. 

Josephine shook her head. "I told them no."

I had to assume that secret project was the Eligius trip to space. That didn't seem to turn out in her favor. 

Her friend grinned. "Well, if you're signing up for Hanlen, pull out your miniskirts. He gives a half-grade bump to girls he likes to look at."

I couldn't help the disgusted grunt that passed my lips, not unlike the sound Josephine made. 

Wind whistled through the diner as the door opened. A stocky man with the shadow of a beard on his face entered. Immediately, his gaze fell upon Josephine. My stomach twisted with anxiety. I didn't like where this was going. 

"I was looking for you at the water rationing protest," he said, sitting down next to her friend. Both of them seemed entirely uncomfortable. I was beginning to understand why this wasn't Josephine's favorite memory. "Thought you posted something about going."

Josephine shifted uncomfortably. "Too many people. You know." 

"And it's really dusty outside," her friend added. 

The man chuckled dryly in such a way that made my skin crawl. I shifted closer to Monty. "Yeah. Sure. Uh, I asked, and there's plenty of room at the comparative linguistics thing if you want to go."

Josephine shrugged, laughing nervously. "I don't know. I'm not really feeling that social lately."

The man's smile dropped as an uncomfortable silence settled over them. "You still think you're too good for me, huh?" 

"That's not what I-" 

"Don't lie!" He interrupted. "Just admit it. Stop toying with me and just admit what you are." 

Josephine's voice shook. "I-I don't-"

"I mean, I tried," the man continued, huffing. "Calls, texts. You know, being thoughtful. What do I get?" Slyly, he pulled a pistol from his pocket and put it on the table, the barrel aimed at Josephine. Immediately, she sat up straighter, eyes flitting around the diner, searching for help. Even I moved to stand, as if I could do anything. "Nothing."

"What are you doing?" The friend asked in a low voice. 

The man didn't take his gaze off of Josephine who had started to cry silently. "Thinking you should shut the hell up. Message received you stuck up bitch. You don't want to see me. You can see this."

In one swift movement, he picked up the pistol, pressed the barrel into the side of his head, and fired. I gasped as blood splattered over the walls. Everyone screamed, scrambled to get out as Josephine pressed a hand to her mouth, stifling sobs. 

"This is the thing she couldn't face," I whispered, glancing at Monty who also looked a bit shook up. "No wonder she changed her mind about leaving." 

"We need to use it to control your body," Monty said, keeping me on track. 

I nodded, glancing around, guaging how I could use this to my advantage. "I have an idea."

_Alert. Incoming bombshells_. A voice echoed around us. Lights flickered, then everything froze. My heart stopped. Now was the worst time for her to show up. Wasn't she awake yet? 

"You need to hide!" I ordered Monty. 

He dashed behind the counter and crouched down. I hoped he stayed hidden there. 

The door opened, and Josephine sprinted in, frenzied. "You never should have come here! Get out!" 

With that scream of rage, I found myself back in the hallway between her mindspace and mine. Panting, I tried to get my bearings quickly. Josephine's door opened, and she leaped out, tackling me before I could brace myself. She pinned me to the floor, wrapping her hands around my throat. 

"I gave you the chance to go quietly!" She seethed, pressing harder on my windpipe. I gasped for air, struggling to pry her fingers off. I'd been in this situation too many times for me not to escape this time. "I said I'd help your people! Deal's off." 

With that she was gone. I felt a shift in the atmosphere, like everything picked up. So now she was awake. And she was going to get all my people killed. I refused to let that happen. I was done losing people I cared about. 

I didn't wait around to give her more time to mess it up. I raced back into her mindspace, all the way to her painful memory. I had to put my idea in action. I had to believe Bellamy would get my message. With Monty by my side, I pulled down the lights lining the walls of the diner and unscrewed one just enough to control the rest. 

Morse code. I twisted the light in a rhythmic pattern that spelled out ALIVE. 

With that, it was up to Bellamy. I would see him again soon. I had to believe that. Hope was not yet lost. 

And neither was I. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this took fucking forever lmao. Hope you enjoyed it! I wrote most of it in one day so that's wack. More to come soon!


	8. The Old Man and the Anomaly

Bellamy couldn't believe it. She was alive. Y/N was alive! The elation that swelled through him at that revelation was more euphoric, more addictive than anything he'd ever felt in his life. Morse code. She was a genius. He doubted Josephine even knew her finger was tapping out the word ALIVE. That was just like Y/N. Always with a smart plan. Hope finally felt tangible. 

"Thank God she's still in there," Clarke breathed, doubling over with relief. Tears welled in her eyes. Hastily, she brushed them away. 

"Question is, how do we get Josephine out?" Bellamy implored. 

"We need Raven," Echo said. "She'll know what to do."

Madi clenched her jaw. Unease shifted through Bellamy. Ever since he'd told her that Y/N was gone, she'd been slipping more and more away from them. Falling prey to Sheidheda. As much as he wanted her back just for him, everyone needed her back to hold them together. 

"Raven's not here," Madi grunted, her voice low, her fingers tapping irritably on the table. 

Bellamy put a hand on her shoulder, putting as much sincerity into his voice as he could muster. It wasn't hard. He believed what he was saying. "Hey. We're gonna get her back. When the transport ship lands, we'll be waiting in the field with Josephine. Once we're all back on the mothership, Abby, Raven, and Jackson will go to work."

Miller asked, "What if they don't open the sheild and let us out?" 

Echo shrugged. "If they don't, Josephine dies." 

Bellamy nodded, heart clenching. Y/N was interconnected with Josephine, so there was the risk of losing her too, but he'd be strong. "That's why they will."

Jordan paced around the table, sniffling. "What about Delilah? If Y/N's still alive, then she could be too!" 

As much as he wanted that to be true for Jordan, there was no way to know for sure. They only had so many resources to save people. 

Jordan scoffed. "You only care about Y/N."

"That's not true, but worry about Y/N for now." Bellamy cleared his throat, trying to ignore the hurt on Jordan's face. Unfortunately, he had to learn loss. Just like the rest of them. "We start asking questions and the Primes figure out why-" 

"They can't figure it out if they're dead," Madi interrupted, features like stone, words like a knife. "Once we kill the Primes, we take over Sanctum. We save Y/N here in the lab that was built for it." 

He exchanged a concerned glance with Clarke. "Is that your idea or Sheidheda's?" 

Madi glared at him. "Who cares if it works?" That was answer enough. "I've been surveilling the one called Miranda. We kill her and let them find the body. They'll think it's the Children of Gabriel and panic, locking themselves inside the palace, probably the great hall, and that's where we'll be waiting to take out the rest."

Again, his heart clenched, but this time for Madi. If Y/N saw what her daughter had turned into he feared it would break her. Even if her strength in spirit kept her alive thus far, he was blatantly reminded of her reaction when Charlotte blamed herself for chaos in the camp and then threw herself off the cliff. The way she reacted to that was heartbreaking. Bellamy didn't want a repeat of that. 

"We are not killing Delilah," Jordan argued. 

"Delilah's already dead," Madi snapped. 

Jordan shook his head, face scrunching in denial. "We don't know that for sure." 

Madi folded her hands on the table, levelling a cool stare at him. "You're right, but what we do know is I'm the Commander." Tense silence passed as they held a stare. Finally Madi turned away. "Echo thinks it's a good plan, don't you spy?" 

Echo narrowed her eyes, as if gauging how to respond. "A little aggressive for the situation, but it could work if we were willing to kill all of their people along with them when they come after us for killing their gods."

Madi sighed. She looked over Echo's shoulder for a moment, before pursing her lips. "We are."

"No, we're not," Bellamy replied, sternly. "Gaia would tell you the same thing if she were here. We have until the ship lands to come up with a quiet way to get Y/N on it."

"What about Murphy and Emori?" Jackson asked. 

Clarke sighed. "For now, tell them nothing."

"Emori too?" Echo asked, disappointment clear in her voice. Those two had found a deep kinship with each other. Bellamy knew how hard it was going to be for her to lie to Emori. 

Bellamy nodded. "We have to assume that she's with him. Don't worry. When it's time to go, we're taking them with us, even if we have to do it by force."

Again, there was a glimmer of bloodlust in Madi's eyes. Dread burned through Bellamy like his blood was on fire. It was the same look Octavia had in her eyes when they reunited after Praimfaya. The same desire that consumed his sister. He prayed it didn't claim Madi too. 

* * *

Waiting was the worst part. Bellamy had spent his fair share of waiting around. But when the life of the person that mattered most to him hung in the balance, he was almost sure the wait would suffocate him in its endless silence. 

A weight lifted from his shoulders when Emori came to him, asking for an Eligius shock collar. Granted, it didn't settle his unease, but it gave him something other than the waiting. 

Hesitantly, he handed it to her. "One Eligius shock collar. What do you need it for?" 

She paused for a moment as if calculating a diplomatic answer. So she was hiding something. "This circuitry will be useful in building our radiation shield."

Emori looked at the collar in her hands, and then at their friends chatting at the table. Her eyes lingered on Echo until she turned around. When they made eye contact, something shifted in Emori. As if she was doubting something. 

"You okay?" Bellamy asked. 

Emori inhaled, as if snapping herself from a trance. "Mmhm. Thanks for this. See you."

Bellamy shrugged as she turned away, hoping he could trust his gut. Emori was a good person. If she was up to something nefarious, her guilt would blurt it out for her. 

Sure enough, as soon as he rejoined everyone else at the table, Emori was calling out to him. Hoping for the best, he returned to her at the door. 

"Y/N's alive," Emori said after a shaky breath. Bellamy put his hands on his hips, avoiding her eyes. "You already knew! Why didn't you tell me?" He gave her a fleeting look, one that held his answer. "Oh, because I'm with John." 

Now it was guilt wrapping around Bellamy's throat. "Emori I-" 

Emori shook her head. "Never mind. What are you doing about it?"

Bellamy grunted, shifting uncomfortably. He pointedly looked at everyone at the table. They had a plan in the works. 

"You think you have time?" Emori hissed. "Bellamy, they're wiping her today. That's what this is for."

There it was again. That tide of cold, drowning grief accompanied by uncontrollable panic. There was no time for plans. Not anymore. If he didn't do anything now, all hope would truly be lost. Y/N would be dead for good. He refused to let that happen, not if he had a chance to save her. 

Immediately, he turned back to everyone else at the table. They seemed to sense his alarm because they were all on their feet. 

"I take it it's go time?" Echo murmured. 

Bellamy nodded curtly. "Yeah. We need a plan to get Y/N now, something other than killing them. Where the hell's Madi?" 

Confusion plastered everyone's faces. No one had noticed her slip away. That was not a good sign. Bellamy had a sinking feeling she was going to try to set her plan in motion before they could safely get Y/N out. If that happened, they were all good as dead. Another war was going to start. He was too tired for a war. 

Later, he could worry about that. For now, getting Josephine to the radiation shield was his main focus. An inkling of a plan was forming in his mind. Emori's conscience would be crucial. 

And so he and Echo waited. At the edge of Sanctum, amidst the tall golden stalks, they lied in wait for the plan to set in motion. After what felt like an agonizingly long eternity, Bellamy finally heard the revving of an engine. That meant Josephine and Murphy were on their way, chasing down Emori and the EMP.

They cut her off, right at the edge. Emori stopped in her tracks, staring down Murphy as he approached her hesitantly. 

"I love you," he said. "I know that this is hard." 

Emori sighed, not meeting his eyes. "Oh, John. I am so sorry it had to be like this."

Murphy furrowed his eyebrows. "Like what? Emori, nothing needs to change, we can go back right now. I told them not to tell the guards about any of this."

There it was. All the information Bellamy needed. Everything was on track. He was going to get Y/N back. Emerging from the shelter of the crops, Bellamy appeared behind Emori with Echo in tow. "That's what we were counting on!" 

Josephine groaned. "Oh, perfect. You know, I admire you guys, I really do. If the other Primes had half your balls, we'd be swimming in hosts and none of this would be necessary." Bellamy's skin crawled at the chipper malice in her voice, the chilled frenzy in her eyes. It was Y/N, but it was her twisted in all the wrong ways. "But unfortunately, it is, so I'm gonna give you the facts because I really don't think you thought this through. Yes, Y/N's alive. But the brain we now share is dying. So unless one of you is a neurosurgeon, this body will die in hours. Not days. My mind will be backed up, her won't." 

"Actually, our neruosurgeon's on his way," Echo replied smugly. 

Flickers of fear passed over Josephine's face. For the first time, her confidence wavered. 

Murphy sighed. "Jackson."

Josephine scoffed. "Huh. Okay, sure. Let's say that he figures it out. He won't, but just for fun, where you gonna operate? Here in a joberry field?" 

Bellamy crossed his arms. She was talking out of fear. They were on the right track, and she knew it. "Actually, we're thinking about using one of the fourteen research outposts marked on the map your father gave us." 

She shifted uncomfortably, but her arrogant demeanor flew back up. "Well it's too bad you can't get past the radiation shield." 

"Oh, that's where the EMP comes in," Bellamy replied, victory churning through him. Hope flourished. He was going to get her back. He nodded his head, and Emori headed for the tower with EMP in hand. 

Murphy moved to follow her, but Josephine snapped into action. Before Bellamy could really comprehend what was happening, she brought him to his knees and pressed a small knife against his throat. 

"Step away from the device!" Josephine commanded. 

Bellamy roiled with anger. Not just because his friend's life was being threatened, but because it was someone who looked like the woman he loved doing it. She was too good to do something like that. Even if she'd killed people, she would never have done this. It made him sick to see it. 

Emori dropped the EMP on the ground, holding her hands up in a show of surrended. 

Panic gripped at Bellamy's throat. He should have expected Josephine to pull something like this. "You think we care about that traitor?" 

Josephine flashed him a cold, irritated smile. "Lord knows you shouldn't, but yeah, I do, which brings us to yet another episode of no good choices. Y/N would love this. Either you let Murphy die in a doomed attempt to save her, starting a war with my father, or we stay friends and live happily ever after! Take a minute to think it over." 

It wasn't a tough decision. By no means did Bellamy want Murphy to die. They were family, whether they liked it or not. But Y/N was his priority. Over all things. But...there had to be a way to save both. In any case, before he could think of making a decision, alarms blared all across Sanctum. 

Josephine glanced around, a victorious glint in her eyes. "Huh. That can't be good for you. Stand down now, and this never happened." 

"We can't do this without Jackson," Echo murmured. 

"You don't need him," Murphy said, catching Bellamy off guard, giving him another thread of hope. "Find Gabriel. He was one of them, but then he bailed. Ryker helped him escape." 

Josephine shook her head in disbelief. "Gabriel left seventy years ago. He'd be one hundred and six by now, also known as dead." 

"Why do you look so concerned?" Echo implored. Bellamy saw it too. Just barely. That was all he needed. Gabriel was his shot at saving Y/N. 

Motorcycles revved in the distance, racing towards them through the fields. Josephine raised an eyebrow. "Here they come." 

"Set the EMP!" Echo ordered. Emori hesitated for a moment, but turned to do as she said. 

Josephine snorted. "So much for forever." 

She slashed the knife deep across Murphy's thigh. He cried out, clutching at his wound as blood poured over his fingers. Emori screamed, raced to him. Bellamy couldn't focus. There was too much happening, too much at stake. If Y/N was here for real, he wouldn't feel like he was suffocating from the stress. 

Echo chased down Josephine, catching her before she could get away. Bellamy snapped back into action, racing for Josephine. He wasn't giving up hope. He held her tight in his arms as Echo raced for the EMP. 

"Just put it near the pylon!" Emori shouted. "Plug it in, and press the button! Make sure Y/N is out of the way. You have ten seconds to get out before it reboots." 

For a moment, Josephine struggled, but it became clear soon enough that Bellamy could overpower her. Her struggling ceased. Though it pained him to do so, Bellamy took the time to tie a restraint he stole from the school around her wrist. 

"This is a really stupid plan, you know," Josephine snarled. "If you do this, the Children of Gabriel will kill us both. And my father will kill the rest of you. Is that what you want?" 

Bellamy didn't dignify that with a response. Josephine had taunted him long enough. He was done. 

"We got this," Echo said, instilling confidence in him. She pressed a button. The EMP was ready to go. 

Josephine rolled her eyes. "You so don't." 

Echo pressed another button, and the radiation shield disappeared with a faint buzzing sound. "It's down! Go now!" 

Sparing no hesitation, he raced across the line. Josephine put up a fight. She dug her heels in, pulled back against him. She fell to the ground, struggled for control. Just in time, he yanked her back to her feet, into the edge of the woods. The radiation shield went back up. 

Bellamy pulled Josephine into him, keeping her close. He hated how familiar her warmth was. It wasn't her, not yet. "Stay safe!" 

"Save Y/N," Echo replied. 

Bellamy nodded once, and turned into the woods, pulling Josephine with him. If it was the last thing he would ever do, he was going to save the love of his life.


	9. What You Take With You

"Stop fighting!" Bellamy pleaded, growing weary as he dragged Josephine along through the dark forest. 

Josephine yanked on her rope once more. "Don't you get it? You're killing all three of us! Not to mention the rest of your friends when my father finds out. Is Y/N really worth all that?"

Bellamy didn't need to respond. Of course she was. She was worth all that risk and more. He'd burn this world and find another for her if he had to. As his thoughts lingered on Y/N, he almost missed Josephine gasping in pain. She collapsed to the ground, seizing. Panic exploded in his veins. Concern radiated from him as he knelt down, and pulled her up in a sitting position. He didn't know what else to do other than hold her close to him until it passed. He was painfully reminded of the time Y/N nearly died from Lincoln's poison, when she was ready to sacrifice her salvation for Finn's. 

Finally, it stopped. Josephine panted. Her eyes were glazed over, and slowly came back into focus. Bellamy gently wiped the blood trickling from her nose with his sleeve. 

"It's getting worse," she said, voice shaking. "You have to take me home."

"If I take you home, you'll use an EMP and kill Y/N. I told you, I won't let that happen," Bellamy said, staring her down, searching for any sign of the woman he loved in there. 

Josephine shook her head. "The Children of Gabriel won't help you. When they find out who I am, they won't just destroy my mind drive. They'll cut off my head and you'll have nothing." 

Bellamy pondered that for a moment. He wasn't scared off so easily. From his boot, he pulled a knife and knicked his thumb. Gently, he spread his blood across her forehead in crimson streaks. "Well then let's make sure they don't find out." 

Josephine sneered, "Look, I don't know what they taught you on that hunk of metal you grew up in, but where I'm from, when someone tells you you're in danger, you listen." 

Bellamy's voice got gruffer. "Yeah, we do that too, unless the people we care about are in trouble, then we do what has to be done." He roughly pulled her to her feet. "Now, come on, let's go." 

"The people you care about are in trouble!" Josephine protested. "I guess you just care about her more." 

"Quiet," Bellamy hissed, irritated with her taunting. 

A light illuminated the trees around them before she could say anything more. They stopped in their tracks. A clothed man, assumedly part of the Children of Gabriel, appeared from behind a tree, followed by a few others carrying menacing weapons. 

"You're in our woods! Long way from home." 

Bellamy steadied the quick pace of his heart. "It's okay. I need to see Gabriel!" 

The figures approached them, clearly not on talking terms. "On the ground!" 

Bellamy held his hands up in a show of surrender. "He needs to know what we know!" 

"God you're an idiot," Josephine muttered. 

"Take 'em!" One of the figures ordered. 

More emerged from the trees behind them, tackling Josephine to the ground. Bellamy struggled as another slammed him down. Pain arced through his body. Instinct tried to get him to escape, but a hood over his head obscured his vision. Disorientation took over, and he couldn't stop them from knocking him out. 

When he came to, he had no idea where they were. A cave, that was for sure. Metallic scents wafted under his nose, accompanied by a pungent odor he couldn't place. He tried to move his hands, but found them cuffed together in front of them, same as Josephine. 

Josephine scrunched her nose. "Ugh. What is that smell?" 

The Children shoved them forwards through the cave. Unease churned through him as he saw a skeleton on the edge of the tunnel, impaled by a spear. He tried to ignore it, keeping his mind on the mission at hand. 

"Which one of you is Gabriel?" Bellamy asked. "We have information critical to your cause." 

Josephine grunted. "Their cause is a joke." 

They shoved them roughly again, ordering them to be quiet. 

Josephine did not listen. She nodded towards the skeletons littering the sides of the cavern. "What did these people ever do to you, hmm? Let me guess. They refused re-education?" 

They stopped now, face to face with a masked man. Bellamy glared at Josephine." Be quiet." 

Unsurpringly, she didn't listen. Challenge flickered in her cold eyes. "Does their faith in the Primes really threaten you that much?" She chuckled when they remained silent. "Do you think that dressing up in scary costumes helps your cause? We laugh at you in Sanctum." 

An unmasked woman with short blonde hair stepped forwards, face contorted with ire. She unsheathed a short sword and pressed the tip benesth Josephine's chin. Again, that panic flurried through Bellamy, threatening to take control of his instincts. He fought to stay calm. Sudden movements would get them all dead. 

"Why aren't you laughing now?" The woman snarled. 

Bellamy pleaded, keeping his voice soft and as unchallenging as possible, "Just wait. They can make hosts. As many as they want." 

That seemed to get their attention. The man standing in front of Bellamy removed his mask and stepped ever closer to him. "Details, or your rude friend dies."

Bellamy bristled at the threat. "I don't think so. Touch her, I'll tell you nothing." 

The man stared him down. "Something tells me we could make you talk." 

"Maybe, but by then, the twelve Primes could be back," Bellamy shot back, refusing to be intimidated by these people. They weren't going to keep him from saving Y/N. "Gabriel gets the details. No one else."

"There were thirteen," the man said after a pause of silence. "Chain them up!" 

They roughly shoved him and Josephine against the wall. Chains wrapped around his already bound hands, strung through a metal rung a foot above his head. 

"If the old man doesn't respond, you die like him." The man nodded to a skeleton wrapped in chains across from them. Unpleasant. Everyone dispersed, leaving Bellamy alone with Josephine. In the distance, he heard the man calling for Gabriel through a radio. 

Bellamy sighed, exasperated. "Radios don't work on this moon. How could they not know that?" 

Josephine pursed her lips, as if remembering something bittersweet. "They work in one place." 

"What is it?" 

Josephine stares into nothing. "If they're calling him, that means he's alive." 

"What's the deal with you two?" Bellamy asked. 

Josephine smiled dryly. "What? Are we gonna be friends now?" 

Bellamy glared. "Doubtful." 

Josephine turned away from him, leaning her head against the stone wall. "I've been in love with Gabriel for two hundred and thirty six years. The last seventy of which he's been trying to kill me. You know, relationships."

Bellamy raised an eyebrow. It was if she knew about how rocky Y/N and Bellamy had started out their relationship - enemies. He studied her for a moment, and then the tapping of her fingers caught his attentinon. Josephine narrowed her eyes, then followed his gaze. 

"More code huh?" She scoffed, as if surprised Y/N could be so smart. "She's crafty, I'll give her that." Josephine watched her finger tapping, spelling out what Y/N was saying. "B-O-O-H-O-O. That's harsh." 

A hopeful smile quirked at Bellamy's lips. His heart swelled with warmth. "She can hear us?" 

"It would seem so," Josephine remarked bitterly. "Which means the wall separating our minds is almost gone. When that happens, she'll stroke out, I'll download, and you can say goodbye to your problematic girlfriend." 

"Let me talk to her," Bellamy said. 

Josephine snorted. "I'd have to give over control for that, so no." 

Hope surged through him. "But she can hear me?" 

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, she can hear you." She turned and stared him. "For God's sake, just say what you wanna say." 

Bellamy didn't know what to say. How could he sum up all his love for her right now? The hope he had for their life together? No, he could tell her that when he saved her. "I won't let you die."

He meant that more than he meant anything. Maybe even more than when he first told her he was in love with her. That at the time was truer than anything he had ever felt. Now, he was going to be sure she survived to get to the peace she'd been fighting so hard for. 

Time ticked by agonizingly slow. Eventually he sat down, fidgeted with the chain. He kept glancing towards the mouth of the cave. Still no sign of anyone. Especially not Gabriel. That hope he'd been clinging to before was becoming more and more slippery. 

He sighed, leaned his head against the wall, prayed for something to happen. Bellamy could feel Josephine's gaze burning into the side of his head. He turned to face her, irritated. "What?" 

Josephine shrugged. "My father was a fool for letting you people stay. All that time spent building a sanctuary for the human race and he destroys it because of the most human thing of all - love. I mean who can blame him? I am awesome. It's just, well, look at you. You should have known how this would end." She clucked her tongue. Irritation flared through Bellamy in response. "Guess I'm just saying all this because I know so much about you now." 

Bellamy snorted. "Hm. You do, huh?" 

Josephine smiled. "Mhmm. Take you and Y/N for instance. Now that's a weird relationship, isn't it? First you wanna kill her to save your own ass, even though it means the genocide of your own people on the Ark. And then you become besties, bonding over your attempted murders. And actual murders. You lock her up, she locks you up. You leave her to die on earth, she fights you in the pits. And somehow you fall in love. I mean, it's exhausting, frankly." 

Bellamy stared up at the ceiling, holding back tears. Hearing about his life with her was painful, to say the least. He'd always felt a connection to her. But it started out as one he wanted to sever. Now it was one he tied to his heart and refused to ever let go. "Tell me about it. You're wrong about how this ends, by the way. First, we get you back into your mind drive, and then I'll use it for a peace deal with your father." 

Josephine scrunched her nose in a derisive way. "Your belief in yourself is cute. But unfortunately, putting aside about a thousand variables, cheif among them Y/N's newfound evangelical do-betterism, making it impossible for her to accept a peace deal with those awful body snatchers, all three of us are gonna die in this cave."

"Yeah, okay. We'll see," Bellamy replied, still not willing to give up. Until the life was literally leaving his body, he wasn't going to give up. 

"Okay, now your confidence is just pissing me off," Josephine spat.

Good. Now he could get under her skin instead of vice versa. 

Indistinct voices echoed from the mouth of the cave. Immediately, Bellamy stood. Finally, he would have some news. One step closer to separating Josephine from Y/N. 

"Gag the prisoners," ordered the leader. He stormed to the back of the cave. Bellamy wasn't sure what was back there, but he had to assume it was the living space for many more warriors. "Everybody up! The Sanctum riders are coming!" 

Bellamy watched as the Children of Gabriel moved for Josephine. Fear took control of her for the first time ever, clear as day. She tried to scramble away from them. "Get away from me!" 

One punched her, and she fell to her side. Bellamy squeezed his eyes shut. It was Josephine being hurt, not Y/N. Though that line was becoming increasingly blurred. They yanked her to her feet. That was when they noticed the black blood dripping from the corner of her mouth. Shit. Now they knew she was a host. 

"She's got the blood," said the same unmasked woman. "She's got the blood!" 

The leader bounded over, gently inspecting her wound. His eyes hardened. Terror snaked through Bellamy. "Put her on her knees."

"Leave her alone!" Bellamy cried, unable to hold back the tidal wave of panic crashing through him. He wasn't going to watch Y/N die. He wasn't going to lose her again. 

The leader pulled back her hair, discovering the insicion line on the back of her neck. "She's a Prime. Unchain her."

They did as he asked, and pushed her towards a rock in the center of the cavern. The leader pulled a machete from his belt. 

Bellamy struggled against the short length of his chains. He had to get to her. He had to try something! "Please, don't do this! The drive in her head, it's Josephine!" 

One of them shoved Josephine's head against the rock. She grunted in pain. "Not helping."

Desperation gnawed at Bellamy's gut. Tears welled in his eyes. This time, he didn't have the energy to stop them. "Think! As long as she's alive, you have leverage over Russel." 

"This is not a negotiation, this is war!" The leader retorted. "The answer is death to the Primes." 

"Wait!" She yelled. "Gabriel loves her! Is this what he would want?" 

The leader bellowed, "Don't you use his name!" 

He moved to bring the blade down on her neck, but Josephine kicked at the leg of the man holding her down. Freed, she ducked out of the way just in time. She grabbed hold of his arm, wrestled with him for second, and stole the weapon from him. Sparing no hesitation, she leaped to her feet, whirled around and sliced the next man down. The woman came at her, ready to defend her comrades. Josephine struck her down too, with one well timed slash across the throat. It was precise, deliberate, but not a cold strike. It was driven by a firey need for survival. 

Bellamy recognized that fighting stance anywhere. Those stilted breaths after killing. The burning apology in her eyes. Once more, he felt her warm aura. It wasn't Josephine. It was - "Y/N." 

She nodded, moving to him. "Yeah." 

A smile broke out across Bellamy's face. He was talking to her again. For real. After he thought she was dead, here she stood right in front of him. "She gave you control?" 

"It was either that or get her head cut off," Y/N replied, searching the leader's clothes. After a moment, she came up with a ring of keys. Love filled her features as she grabbed his chained hands. His fingers tingled in the wake of her gentle, familiar touch. He let the tears fall. She was alive. 

"We don't have time," Bellamy insisted, grabbing her hands to stop her. Now that she had control, she could take care of herself. She always could. "You have to run." 

Adamantly, she shook her head. Sorrow filled her warm eyes. "No, I'm not leaving you!" 

He cupped her cheek in his hand. Driven by the love burning through him, he kissed her. All the passion he felt for her, the relief at her familiar vitality emanating from her. He pulled away to find tears streaming down her face. "Go find Gabriel. Go! Now!" 

Footsteps pounded from the back of the cave. Longing crossed over her features, but she was smart. It broke him to watch her race away, but it was better than seeing her die. 

"It's Josephine Prime!" One shouted as they chased after her. "Kill her before she gets to the rise! Do not let them get her back! Go!" 

Bellamy waited with bated breath as they chased Y/N out. Finally, when he was alone, he unfurled his fist. Keys hung from a ring, the keys Y/N left him. Always looking out for him, even when she was in danger. Soon, they'd be reunited for real. 

* * *

I wiped the tears from my face as I raced through the woods. Dawn broke, painting the trees in a golden hue. There were pros and cons to this. I got my body back. Definitely a pro. Maybe about the only one, really. Everyone still thought I was Josephine. My brain was deteriorating. I had to leave Bellamy chained up in that cave. 

My lips still tingled at his fiery kiss. It felt like it had been ages since I'd kissed him. Hugged him. Basked in his loving touch. Being trapped in my own mind, unable to really be with the man I loved was among the worst torture I'd experienced. I longed to be with him again. Peacefully. Without worrying about imminent death. 

Lungs burning, I forced myself to run faster. Engines revved behind me. Most were on foot. But the motorcycles were daunting. I practically threw myself behind the trunk of an enormous tree trunk. I relished in the moment to catch my breath. In front of me, a man on a motorcycle jumped over fallen trees, racing towards me. I peeked behind the trunk to see the Children of Gabriel still hunting me down. 

An inkling of a plan formed in my mind. It was crazy, risky, might get me killed. But that was how most of my plans went anyway. 

I bolted away from the tree screaming, “Here! I’m here!” 

The motorcade halted, guns drawn as I ran towards them. The Children of Gabriel scattered when they saw the weapons pointed at them. 

“Don’t shoot!” Jade shouted. “You’ll hit Josephine!” Then she screamed at me to get down. 

Immediately, I tumbled to the ground, instinctively protecting my head. Gunshots rang above my head. The Children of Gabriel still pursuing me dropped dead to the forest floor. 

“I got her, you get the rest,” Jade ordered her guards. I suppressed a smile as they took off, leaving me alone with Jade. She raced to my side, helped me to my feet. “Thank the Primes you’re okay! Come on, let’s get you home.”

I grabbed a rock as she pulled my to my feet. Ignoring my guilt, I struck her across the head. She collapsed, unconscious. I panted heavily, trying not to relish in the addictive buzzing of adrenaline in my veins. 

“Really?” A familiar voice echoed from behind me. I turned to see Josephine, or at least my brain’s mental image of her, standing there. “She just saved your life!” 

Dread flowed through me. I shouldn’t have been able to see her. “Why can I see you?” 

“Because it’s getting worse,” Josephine replied, crossing her arms. “Like I said it would. Look, what you did back there was awesome. Don’t let it be for nothing. Give me back control.”

I shook my head, turning to inspect Jade’s pack, finding nothing of use. The last thing I was going to do was give her control before I ensure my own survival. Nothing was going to keep me from my friends. Especially not from Bellamy. We’d been through too much together to not make it around a sociopath and her manipulative family of so-called gods. 

Josephine rolled her eyes. “I’ll just get it back when you fall asleep anyway. What are you doing now?” 

I grabbed a radio from the dead man’s body. Just what I needed. I stared down Josephine as I brought it to my lips and began to speak. “Gabriel, my name is Y/N Kane. Josephine Lightbourne is in my head. If you can hear this, we’re coming to you.” 

I dropped it, and headed for Jade’s motorcycle. Josephine scoffed, clearly baffled. “This is insane. He didn’t respond to their call. He’s probably dead. Please, let’s just go back to Sanctum!” 

I picked up the helmet Jade dropped beside her motorcycle. “Not a chance.” 

“Jeez, fine,” Josephine said. “I’ll drive. But for that, you do have to give me back control.” 

I give her a wry smirk, and climb onto the motorcycle. Panic knits her eyebrows together. 

“Y/N, you don’t know how to-” 

The engine revved as I turned the motorcycle on, not once breaking eye contact with Josephine. I was in control now. And I was much more powerful, more skilled that she thought. I wasn’t going to let her take my life from me, not again. Taking her own skills though, that could be negotiated. 

Josephine looked offended, which was a more pleasure feeling than I imagined. “What else of mine have you stolen?” 

“Sucks, doesn’t it?” I replied smugly in Mandarin, a language I had never once learned nor had anyone spoken in ages. If she could steal from me, I could certainly steal from her without feeling guilty in the slightest. I pulled the helmet over my head, flipped the visor down and took off through the forest, leaving her in the dust. 

It was time I got her out of my head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like all these chapters are so short after Nevermind lmao. Hope y'all are enjoying! More to come soon!


	10. X - Matryoshka

Driven by the desperation for survival, I raced through the woods on the motorcycle. I hoped that Gabriel was still alive, that this wasn't all for nothing. I wasn't going to let Josephine win. I had death wrapped around my finger for far too long to fall victim to it now, like this. I'd gotten an impossible second chance. It wasn't going to go to waste. 

"Be careful," Josephine's voice warned. "We're close to the camp now! When Gabriel hears the engines, he'll-" 

I huffed, struggling to stay on balance on the motorcycle. It was so vastly different from the rover. "Quiet. I'm concentrating."

My vision went blurry. Colors faded together, before sharpening back to distinct structures. Hands shaking, I honed all my energy on making the wheel stay straight. It didn't work. I gasped as I lost my balance, and fell. I curled in on myself, protecting my soft spots as I tumbled across the ground. Groaning, I pulled the helmet off my head. 

Joesphine snorted. "I told you I should drive." I turned onto my back to see her standing above me, irritated. "Now will you give me back control, or do I have to wait until you fall asleep." 

Definitely the latter. But I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold on. It was late morning. Exhaustion hung heavy over me, beckoning me towards sleep. Dirt caked underneath my nails as I scrambled across the ground for the radio. "Shut up. I have to call Gabriel." 

My stomach dropped when I saw the antenna hanging by a frayed wire. It wasn't going to work. Shit. 

Josephine paced around me. "Yeah, you broke that too." 

Motorcycle engines in the distance made my heart stop. I crawled towards a tree, ignoring the way the world spun around me. "I have to hide." 

Panic lined Josephine's voice. Good. That meant I was getting closer to getting her out of my head. "Okay. Here's the deal. If we go back to Sanctum, I'll give you your body back." 

Using the tree for balance, I staggered to my feet. No way in hell was that the truth. Even if it was, I wasn't going to risk it. Not after everything Bellamy did to get me here. To save me. I glared at her. 

"Fine!" Josephine threw her hands up. "We can just wait for my guards to find us! It shouldn't be long now."

I shook my head. "We don't know that they're your people. What if the Children of Gabriel took out your guards? I mean, they do kinda suck. You want to risk losing our head?"

She pursed her lips. At least she had some sense. I threw her a wry smile before heading away from the sound of engines, hopefully towards Gabriel's camp. Every step was excruciating. I think I twisted my ankle when I fell. Nausea flipped my stomach over. Black spots danced in my eyes. I stumbled through the forest after Josephine, using every tree I can find to help propel me forwards. 

"I swear to god if you're lying," I panted, trying to focus on Josephine whose figure was doubling. "I'll take out the mind drive myself and destroy it before I die."

Josephine rolled her eyes. "Yeesh. Tense much? Relax. Just keep your eyes moving all around so I can see." I did as she instructed, trying to get in every bit of my surroundings. "We're looking for...this!" She nodded towards a hilly structure beneath a tangle of tree roots. "Clear the leaves. You'll find a hatch."

I did as she said. Brushing away colorful fallen leaves, I was relieved to find truth to her words. Metal scraped against my fingernails. I pulled on the handle, lifting up a hatch to reveal a dark hole covered with spiderwebs. I stared at her, unsure of how to proceed. She could very well be tricking me, even if she relied on my body. She'd still be fine. But the approaching motorcycles made the decision for me. 

I hopped down inside the hole, pulling the trapdoor shut nearly all the way. Faint slivers of light filtered through the gap I left. I peered through the gap, watching and listening intently as the people on the motorcycles halted. 

"Keep your helmets on and guns ready," a woman ordered. "These are enemy woods." 

"I guess my guards don't suck after all, huh?" Josephine muttered. 

"Stop doing that!" I hissed, glaring at her. I was fed up with her comments. Especially when I was about to lose everything. 

"The engine is still warm. She can't be far," said another guard. 

Well, they weren't wrong there. I had to keep them away from me. Frantically, I searched around for anything of use. Josephine instructed me towards the supply kit in the corner of the cobwebbed dark hole. I pulled it open to find a plethora of items, but most importantly a lighter. I grab a nearby candle and light it. 

By the light of the dim flickering flame, I try to make out more of the bunker. Still, it's hardly more than dirt and spiderwebs. "What is this place?" 

"Observation blind," Josephine replied. "We built them all over. I use them to study species in their natural habitat." 

Inspecting more of the nooks and crannies, I find a mostly full bottle of wine. I snort. "Studying, huh?" 

Josephine raised a hand in defense. "Research can get boring. Gabriel helped with that." 

I picked up a notebook, idly flipping through it. "You guys seem to have a lot of history. Why does he want to kill you now?" 

"He doesn't." 

I turned to look at her, raising an eyebrow. "Really? Death to the Primes? Could have fooled me." 

She huffed, though it wasn't as irritated as it normally was. This was getting to her. Her love for Gabriel seemed to be the only true thing about her. "It's not literal. The Children of Gabriel consider themselves enlightened, freeing minds one at a time. In the seventy years since he left, they've killed exactly no Primes."

I halted in my perusing. "Why did he leave?"

There was a pause of silence. I could almost feel Josephine's pain. The same sort of loss I felt whenever Bellamy's life was on the line. "He wanted to be able to die. I didn't. Simple as that. Why? What are you thinking?" 

I turned to her, drawing one knee up to my chest. "I'm thinking it's not as simple as that. I'm thinking that he lost his taste for body snatching and I'm hoping for all our sakes that he doesn't destroy your mind drive as soon as he takes it out."

"Hmm. Bellamy's plan. Save you, trade my drive for your people." Josephine rolled her eyes. 

I crossed my arms, pushing her a little further. "It would mean letting you resurrect again. Would he do it? Does he still love you?" 

Josephine sighed. If she was going to respond, I couldn't tell. Blood dripped from my nose, smothering my lips with its hot, sticky globs. Everything went fuzzy. My limbs locked. Excruciating pain washed through me, desperately trying to drab me under. 

"Y/N?" Josephine asked, her voice lined with concern, yet sounded like it was underwater. "Are you alright?"

I couldn't respond. I could barely comprehend what she was saying to me. I fell to my side, body seizing. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to do anything but feel like I was floating this and another realm, both filled with intense pain and nothing at all. 

Josephine crouched over me. "Not now! We'll be stuck here! The vines will come. This is not what I meant by falling asleep! Fight through it Y/N or I'll be locked inside a drive inside your head inside this box forever! We are so screwed." 

I couldn't listen to her anymore. All sound faded to a faint humming in the buzzing atmosphere around me. Head pounding, mouth foaming, I begged for a way out. At least when I had been poisoned by Lincoln, I had Bellamy holding me, I had Clarke administer an antidote. Now, I am alone and close to death. 

Suddenly, everything stops. Gasping, I sit up on my bed in my Ark cell. Whispers murmurs around me. Beneath my feet, the journals cover the floor. I sigh. I was back in my mind space. But there was something different about it. Between the chaos of my journals, a few neatly printed books were strewn. In the distance, alarms buzzed. Tilting my head in curiosity, I pushed open the door of my cell. 

I startled when I found the man from Josephine's memory standing there, gun to his head, staring forward at nothing. He fired it at his head, and collapsed to the ground. I steadied my breathing, keeping my eyes away from him. Never got easier seeing someone die. 

I picked up a lone book on the side of the hallway. One of Josephine's memories. Down the hall was a stack of her books. Our minds really were collapsing in on each other. 

Josephine appeared from the other end of the hall. Distress lined her face, but she made no effort to talk to me. Irritated rose in my veins. I was in charge here. As much as she wanted me to believe otherwise, I had the power. I made the door close in front of her so she couldn't walk further down the hall. 

"Hey! Why are your memories on my side of the wall?" 

Josephine put her hand on her hip. "You know why. I told you to give me control. Now it's too late."

Dread flowed through me. She couldn't even take my body now. Would we die here? "How much time do we have?"

Rumbling echoed in reply. The ground shook. I stumbled, fighting to maintain my balance. 

"Not much," Josephine spat. 

I narrowed my eyes at her. No. I refused to give up. I had a second chance to live a life with Bellamy. I wasn't going to let that go. "Follow me."

"Where are you going?" Josephine shouted, trailing after me. 

"I'm taking you back to your side." I marched around the corner, stopping short as the place where the door to Josephine's side would have been. Now it was just a wall, two lampposts on either side. Piles of books lined around the wall. Shit. That was _really _not good.

"There are no more sides," Josephine said, stopping beside me. 

A girl screaming pulled our attentions behind us. It was a girl crying, scrambling away from someone. She disappeared into the wall of the Ark. 

"My second body," Josephine explained. "The barrier between our minds is breaking down." 

I stared, hardly comprehending what I was seeing. Panic was slowly fighting to take control of my mind. I kept it at bay. It would all come out in tears when I was finally safe. For now, I just had to stay focused. "You don't say." 

"Look, if we don't think of something fast, you die and my mind drive is lost forever. So how about we cut the sarcasm and-" 

I pulled a gun from my waistband and levelled it at her. I was fed up with her. I could better stay focused if I just got rid of her. "Or I could just kill you again."

A flicker of fear crossed her eyes. She raised her hands in surrender. "Don't. Without the door to my side, I don't know where I'd go or if I'd come back. It could be permanent."

I laughed dryly. I was almost permanently dead. Yanked away from Bellamy, from my life, from everyone I loved forever. All she was doing was giving me more incentive to take her down with me. "And that's a bad thing why?"

Josephine lowered her hands, scoffing. "Fine. Pull the trigger. What is it you say? Go float yourself."

I kept my heated glare on her for a moment before her words processed. I lowered my gun, an idea tugging at my mind. "That's it. Follow me."

I picked up as many books as I could near the airlock door, and tossed them into the landing. Part of me felt guilty, but she was the one willing to subdue me, kill me, just to live another life on top of the unfair share she'd already received. 

"What are you doing?" Josephine asked. 

I grabbed another stack of books and tossed them. "If you're right, then in order to regain consciousness, we need to separate our minds."

Josephine's voice wavered. "Y/N, those are my memories! Y/N!" 

I stood, aiming the gun at her once again. Bellamy was all that was on my mind now. I needed him desperately. I needed him to hold me, to kiss me, to have more of a reunion than a frantic fight for survival in a cave. "It's this or a bullet."

The Ark rumbled again. A voice over the intercom warned us of catastrophic systems failure. As it started counting down from fifteen, Josephine gave in. She didn't want to die as much as me. 

She closed her eyes, sighing. "Do it."

Lowering the gun from her, I flipped the switches to close the airlock door. Slowly, the door closed. I pushed the big red button, and the other end opened, sucking Josephine's books out into nothing. The alarms halted. A faint smile ghosted over my lips. 

"It worked. Come on. Help me."

Josephine was stoic, staring out the airlock. I couldn't imagine what it was like to literally have your memories pulled into non-existence. Just like that, her life was disappearing before her eyes. 

I gathered more of her books. "We have to do more. They'll keep bleeding through." I huffed, snapping her out of her trance. "Josephine!" 

Slowly, she turns to me, shaking her head. "I don't...I don't remember what you took. I just...I know that it's gone."

_Warning. Systems critical. _The automated voice echoed around us. Everything began to shake again. I wanted to help. I didn't want to see her suffer like this. Not even she deserved that. But I would care more if we weren't trapped in the same mind, if I wasn't also at risk of watching my entire life fade away. 

I put my hand on her arm. "Look, we have to do this or our brain dies."

Eyes watering, she nodded. "Fine. But I choose the memories."

Despite being pressed for time, I nodded. She deserved to lose only that which she could afford. Even if she was a major jackass. So we perused through her memories, piling a few into the airlock. I rolled my eyes when she took way too much time deliberating. 

One, we entered. I watched as a version of Josephine in a who-knows-what-number body cooked a dinner for a man I could only assume was a version of Gabriel. 

"Okay, old man. Last one's ready," she said, smiling softly to herself. She turned over her shoulder to see Gabriel staring at himself in the mirror. She rested her chin on his shoulder. "First few days are weird." 

There was a pause of silence. He didn't tear his eyes away from the mirror. "I didn't ask for this."

She sighed. "I know. But I couldn't lose you, Gabriel."

Josephine watched the memory play out with a bittersweet look in her eyes. "His first body was already dying from cancer when they brought me back. We're about to dance. Watch."

Music rang around us. I raised an eyebrow, then turned my attention back to her memory. Past-Josephine pulled Gabriel into a tight embrace, then gently wrapped her hands around his neck. They pressed their foreheads together, and slowly swayed to the music. 

I sighed. This hurt to watch. Not just because she was going to have to forget it. But because I'd never had that with Bellamy. We'd never danced like that together. Only with crowded, drunk teens. Nothing quite so intimate. "Josephine."

"Just let me watch a little more," she pleaded, smiling contentedly. 

I did. I watched with her, as past-Josephine laughed, smiled at him, complimented him on his rhythm. They kissed. A pang of longing struck my heart. I hadn't had enough of a reunion with Bellamy. God I wanted more. I wanted a real moment with him. 

"Can't do this forever," Gabriel warned. 

"Why not? It's how long I'll love you for."

I bit my lip. The similarities between our hearts was a little eerie. Both of us loved with a deep, never ending capacity. And all for one man. I ran a hand through my hair. Rumbling shook the memory, but Josephing didn't seem to care. 

"Okay," I said, keeping my voice soft. "You can keep this one. But if you ever want to see him again, we have to move now."

Sorrow cast a shadow over her face. Hesitantly, she shut the book. Once again, we stood in my cell from the Ark. I gathered several of Josephine's books in my arms. She was unmoving, eyes still swamped with tearful longing. My heart ached for her, though I knew it shouldn't. 

"He'll find a way to save both of us," I assured. Love stood the test of time, and anything beyond that. There was a time where I thought Bellamy and I were broken for good. But now our love is stronger than ever. 

Josephine's lip trembled. "I wasn't always like this."

I gave her a small, genuine smile. If I talked to myself years ago, she wouldn't even recognize who I was. "Trust me, I know the feeling. I mean, look around you." I nodded to my journals strewn about, some open, whispering about my life, all the good things I'd done, all the terrible mistakes I'd made. "We can let the bad things that happened to us define who we are, or we can define who we are."

Dust rained down on us as the world shook again. I gasped. "We have to float more!" 

I stopped short outside my cell as remnants of Josephine's entire life walked the halls in front of my eyes. Their voices overlapped, divulging secrets and information I could barely decipher. Dismay washed through me. 

"It just keeps getting worse," I whisper to Josephine when she appears by my side, clearly as disoriented as me. 

Holding tight to the stack of books in my arms, I stepped through the haze of chaotic memories. Sparks flew from disconnected wires. Lights flickered. Stacks of books kept toppling over. Separating our minds was a feat bordering on impossible. Not that that ever stopped me before. 

"Brain death," Josephine murmured, watching, horrified, as her memories faded in and out. 

"We have to vent it all!" I exclaimed, racing for the airlock. "Come on!" 

I dropped the books when I got there, desperately flipping all the switches. The door slowly opened. It would have to stay open, dangerous as it was. 

_Warning. Inner door open. _

I rounded the corner back to Josephine and called down the hall to her, "If I leave the inner door open, everything in here will get sucked out at once. Including us. We have to get back to my cell!" I raced towards my cell, pulling the door open. I stood on the threshold, turning back to Josephine who still hadn't moved. "Come on! This is how we can save us both!" 

As the computer counted down from five, I groaned in frustration and stepped inside the cell. If she wanted to live, she'd make the decision to get in here herself. I wasn't sacrificing my mind for hers. Not but a moment later, she entered. She stared at the door impassively. 

Outside my cell, the airlock raged, sucking everything that Josephine ever said, did, lived, into nothingness. And then, she too dissolved into nothing. 

Everything halted. I closed my eyes, wishing to wake up in my body. But when I opened my eyes again, I was still in my mindspace. Everything was empty. Quiet. I pulled the door to my cell open, hesitantly calling for Josephine. 

I strolled through the tidy hallway. Just like the first time I saw it, there stood Josephine's door to her mindspace, adorned with the wreath and all. Only my footsteps echoed. It was silent. 

Shit. She'd taken back control.

* * *

Bellamy stood cloaked in the garments of Sanctum guards, gun in hand. Out of the hatch crawled a man, Octaiva, and Y/N. But it wasn't her. He could tell just by the coldness in her eyes. It was Josephine again. That revelation sent a burning spike of anger and loss though his heart. He knew she was still in there. But how much? And how long did she have? Judging by her weary state and Gabriel's panic, not much. 

The man held his hands up in the face of all the guns trained on him. "Look, she needs medical attention! If I don't operate soon, she'll die!" 

"Take your hands off her, cog!" One of the other guards barked. Bellamy felt the same, though for different reasons. 

Josephine coughed. "Okay, enough talk! Kill the girl, take Gabriel prisoner, and get me home." 

One of the guards shoved Octavia to the ground. Even though Bellamy still didn't want much to do with her, there was a part of him that always would be her big brother. The others advanced on the man with a frightening ferocity at the mention of Gabriel's name. 

Bellamy was having none of it. As soon as Y/N was out of the line of fire, he strategically shot every guard in the head, save for Jade who held her hands up in defense. Bellamy pulled his helmet off, and Octavia gasped, clearly overjoyed to see him. 

"Bellamy!" She cried. 

Bellamy glanced at her for a moment, unsure of how to feel. Maybe she was trying hard to redeem herself. Maybe he was trying too hard to stop caring. 

Josephine groaned from behind Jade's protective stance. "Because of course it is." 

Crying, Octavia limped over to Bellamy and threw her arms around his neck. After a moment, he used one arm to hug her back. Her distress nearly chipped at the chill around his heart when it came to her. Sure they were related. But he didn't know if he could ever call her family again. 

"Take her," Bellamy commanded to Gabriel, who moved for Josephine. She stumbled into his arms. The flicker of heat in her eyes made him jealous as much as he hated to admit it. That woman was who he fell in love with. But the mind inhabiting her now was the woman Gabriel fell for. 

"I can't feel my legs," Josephine cried, half stumbling, half dragging herself across the ground. Gabriel lifted her into his arms. He took off with her into the woods. 

"Righe behind you," Bellamy called, keeping his gaze and gun trained on Jade. He lowered his voice, inching towards her. "Go back to Sanctum. You tell Russel if he hurts any of my people, he'll never see his daughter again. Go!" 

Jade huffed, glared at him once more, then turned and ran into the night. Bellamy watched her go, then picked up a larger gun as he turned to follow Gabriel. Octavia made another move towards him. He shrugged her off. He didn't want to deal with her apologies or her attempts at redemption right now.

His worry for Y/N carried him all the way to Gabriel's encampment. Inside the tent, Gabriel had laid her down on a table, connected her brain to electrode wires. Her eyes were still open, and she was still shaking. Seeing her like that broke Bellamy's heart. Even if it wasn't really her. He'd never known her to be helpless. Always sacrificing herself for others. Her kindness had already been missed by everyone for far too long. 

"Two wavelengths, one brain," Gabriel murmured, staring intently at the computer screens lining the disorganized tent. He sauntered over to Josephine, staring at her with the same sort of broken longing that Bellamy carried. "You mind telling me how Y/N's consciousness survived?" 

Josephine shakily replied, "There's a neural mesh in her head. Her mind latched onto it during the procedure. It's pretty cool, huh?"

Gabriel smiled faintly. 

Bellamy shifted uncomfortably. He was so close to getting her back. Waiting now, when they were so damn close, was excruciating. "What can we do?"

"Once I remove her drive, I'll need you to quickly bandage the wound before I restart her heart," Gabriel explained, prepping a needle and syringe. 

That didn't sit easy with Bellamy. A knot formed in his stomach. Octavia's words echoed his thoughts. "You're stopping her heart?"

Gabriel nodded. "Death causes her mind to back up onto the drive. I take it out, I start her heart." 

Bellamy looked down at Y/N, longing to see the warmth in her eyes again. "We get Y/N back."

Josephine looked up at him. Something else was there, something besides the cold, irritating sociopath he'd come to know. "She was right to depend on you. Believe it or not, we're actually friends."

Bellamy didn't doubt that her heart spared kindness for the mind trying to take over her own. "We'll see about that if you ever meet in the real world."

Josephine chuckled. 

"Real world?" Gabriel ventured, raising an eyebrow. 

Bellamy nodded. "Yeah. After I use her mind drive to bargain for peace." 

Gabriel remained stoic. That unease knotting Bellamy's stomach tightened. Octavia narrowed her eyes at him. "What's wrong?"

Josephine stared at Gabriel's back. A sheen of sweat covered her face now, and Bellamy began to fear the worst. "He knows that means I'll be resurrected again. And he's not sure if he can let them take another innocent life."

Gabriel turned back to her, syringe ready. He grabbed her arm, turning it so the inside of her forearm face him. Josephine put her hand on his arm, gently stroking him with her thumb. She smiled up at him. "Ay, there's the rub. For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come? But I guess that was okay for you, huh old man?" 

Slowly, he shook his head. "No. It wasn't." 

Desperating filled Josephine's voice, not one that came just with the need for survival, but some deep fear for someone else. She loved him. And she didn't want to lose him. "You know there's another way. If you let me keep this body, nobody else has to die."

Irritation flared in Bellamy's chest. Again, she was spinning enchanting tales, twisting Y/N's beautiful skill to manipulate the man her heart ached for. He wasn't going to let Y/N go. Josephine was not taking her body. He'd worked to hard to save her. Giving up was not an option. She was depending on him. He wasn't going to let her down. "Okay. No more talking. Do it."

"I know that I've done bad things," Josephine continued, voice breathy now. She was fading. They were running out of time. "I don't remember them all, but I do know that you hate me for it." 

Gabriel shook his head. "I could never hate you." 

"I know it. We can still be together, my love." She clenched tighter to his arm. "We can take out the drives, just like you wanted. We can grow old together." 

Bellamy crossed his arms, resorted to pacing to calm his anxious nerves. 

Gabriel's lip trembled. "I...I've loved you for centuries." Josephine smiled in relief, laughing contentedly, hopefully. Gabriel was crying now. "We had our time. I have to let you go now."

Sorrow and terror crossed Josephine's gaze. She stared at him as Gabriel injected the syringe into her arm. He held her hand, as her eyes fluttered closed, and her heart slowed to a stop. He leaned close to her, whispered, "La muerte es la vida." 

Death is life. 

She flatlined. 

* * *

I stared at the door that separated Josephine's mind from mine. Cracks spindled across the red door. White line shone through the fractures. I stared in disbelief as the entire door, the lampposts on either side of it, everything cracked, disappeared into nothing. A peaceful quiet settled over my mindspace. What was happening? Had the drive been taken out? Was Josephine gone? 

Was I close to seeing Bellamy again?

* * *

Gabriel held a black covered mind drive between tongs. The back of Y/N's neck was cut open, bleeding profusely. Bellamy was holding onto a fraying thread of hope. This had to work. "Alright. Cover the wound. We need to restart her heart."

Bellamy did as instructed, gently cleaning the wound, then wrapping gauze around it. As soon as it was covered enough, he turned her to her back. Gabriel stuck a large syringe into her side. Dread snaked through him, a cold so encompassing it nearly froze his breath. Nothing happened. Staring at her lifeless body for the first time ever opened that grieving wound once again, the one that swallowed him when he thought he lost her the first time. 

No, no, no, no. It was supposed to work. This was supposed to work! Why hadn't she come back? Why hadn't she come back to him? 

Fighting back tears, Bellamy turned to Gabriel for help. His voice shook when he spoke. "Why isn't she waking up?"

* * *

The door was gone. But nothing was happening. Everything was eerie now. I was trapped alone in my own mindspace. Terrified, I whispered, "Wait, why am I still here?" 

If Josephine was gone, I should have woken in my own body. Right?

"Because I'm still here," Josephine's voice echoed behind me.

That terror in my heart spiked, cold and sharp. I turned, and there she stood. I could barely register the fact that she was there before she swiped an axe at me, cutting straight through my throat. I dropped to my feet, clutching at my neck. It wasn't pain like I'd felt before. Not physical per se. Not quite just in my mind either. It was a tingling, numbing pain that transcended any sort of reality. It was the fear that my mind might really be dead now that was killing me. 

"Sanctum is mine," Josephine spat, smiling vicotriously. "I used the surgical mesh. I'm sorry about the whole working together thing, but I know you Y/N. If you came back, you'd kill everyone inside Sanctum. It's what you do."

I just stared at her, unable to stop the tears rolling down my cheeks. I wouldn't have done that. All I wanted was to be in Bellamy's arms. I didn't want to be near Sanctum anymore. I didn't care what they did. I just wanted to be done. 

* * *

"I'm sorry," Gabriel said, unable to meet Bellamy's eyes. "But her brain can no longer support two minds."

Everything went fuzzy. He gripped tighter to her bed that he was leaning on. No. That wasn't true. She was waking up. She had to be waking up. Y/N was stronger than this. Her heart was kind, her will was unbreakable. No one could keep her down. This couldn't be happening. 

Octavia growled, "What are you talking about? Do something! They're both still in there."

Gabriel explained, "Latent neural activity continues for a short time after death, but once stops telling the heart to beat, it's over, okay?"

Bellamy stared down at her, unable to accept that he was going to watch her die. He whispered, "The heart and the head." Over and over, he repeated that. He wasn't giving up. If he could keep her heart going, her mind would pull through. She would get Josephine out. Trying to steady his shaking hands, he began compressing on her chest. His pace quickened as desperation clawed through him, leaving searing wounds. 

Octavia whispered his name, trying to get him to stop. He couldn't. He wouldn't. He would keep it up for years. Centuries. Bellamy's lip trembled. The love of his life wasn't going to die, not if he could continue to be there for her. "No. I'm not losing her again. Come on, firecracker. Come on!" 

Two breaths, then resuming compressions. Still, she was unresponsive. His throat clenched. This couldn't be happening. "Y/N. Y/N, I need you. Madi needs you. Clarke needs you. Now, wake up!" 

Octavia's voice shook beside him as she whispered, "Bel. Bellamy, she's gone."

Fueled by raging anguish so deep it carved new veins in his skin, he reeled on her. Tears blurred his vision. "No, she's not! Wake up, Y/N! Come on!" 

Still, nothing. He slammed his fists down on her chest. That thread of hope was frayed to nothing now. He wasn't giving up. "I'm not letting you go! You're a fighter. Now get up and FIGHT!" 

* * *

Bellamy's distressed voice echoed in the halls around me. I gagged, gasping, trying to block out the pain. Hearing him like that, only made it worse. If I died, I left him alone with that grief again. I couldn't do that. He believed in me. I wasn't going to let him down, like he wasn't going to let me go. 

I was a fighter. Damn right I was a fighter. Steeling myself against the pain, I reached down, and picked up the axe Josephine had struck me with. Burning with hatred, fueled by the desperate hope I'll see the man I loved again, I threw the axe at her head. Her eyes widened, but there was nothing she could do to stop it. She exploded into fragments of light. 

Josephine was gone. 

Everything went dark for a moment. Then I felt my lungs fill with air, felt my heart pumping the blood through my veins. Wheezing, I blinked my eyes open. Bellamy's face was an inch away from mine, his fingers gently holding my head and my chin. Seeing his face was all I needed. I was in my body. Josephine was gone. And Bellamy was here by my side, holding me, like he always would. 

"You're okay," he panted, voice tight and soft. "Just breathe. Just breathe." 

I coughed. Burning filled my lungs, but it slowly passed. Bellamy helped me into a sitting position. Hope shone in his eyes, warming them to amber pools that filled me with the most comfort imaginable. 

"Y/N?" He murmured. 

I smiled faintly, putting my hand on his cheek, brushing away his stream of tears. That was all the confirmation he needed. With strong, consoling arms, he gathered me into a tight embrace. I wrapped an arm around him, ran my fingers through his hair, buried my face into his neck. Finally, _finally_ we were together again.

Tears dripped down my nose, as I relished in his warm, loving embrace. I never wanted to let go of him. "The head and the heart." 

He held tighter to me, as if echoing my thoughts. Neither of us wanted to leave the security of this hug. We meant everything to each other. The head and the heart, together as one, woven into a love so strong not even a god could tear us apart. 

I closed my eyes. Love persevered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all are enjoying!


	11. Ashes to Ashes

I jolted awake, gasping. Sweat dripped from my hairline. Panic seized me for a moment, half sure that everything had been a dream and Josephine still had control of me. Almost immediately, Bellamy was at my side, comforting me. With a gentle grip, he took his hand in mine. Stroking my hair with his other hand brought me the most peace imaginable. 

"Hey, you're okay," he whispered, smiling softly. "You're still here." 

Sighing, I relaxed, rubbing my thumb across his knuckles. "Thanks to you. How long have I been asleep?" 

"A few hours," Bellamy replied, adjusting the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. A smile tugged at the corner of my lips. I didn't think I'd ever seen him look so normal in all the time I'd known him. We stared at each other for a moment, relishing in the fact that we were together again. "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I knew you were a target. I didn't protect you." 

Slowly, I sat up, fighting against the dizzy spell washing through me. I squeezed his hand. "Bellamy, you saved me." 

"So how do we save everyone I left behind?" He replied, avoiding my eyes. 

I put a hand on the side of his face, turned his gaze back to mine. I moved closer to him. "You know, if you didn't, I'd be dead. They all would. Raven, Madi...all of them. Josephine would've made sure of it. Your plan was good." 

"My plan was to use Josephine's mind drive to bargain for peace, and now there's no mind on the drive," Bellamy said, voice taut. 

I pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. Warmth fluttered through me, as it always did. When I drew away, resolve turned that warmth to ice. To protect Bellamy, to protect everyone we loved, there was only one thing I could do. "We don't need the mind drive. We've got me."

Dread filled Bellamy's wide eyes. His grip on my hand tightened with desperation. "No. No way." 

I sighed. "Bellamy, if we don't give Russel his daughter back-"

"Y/N, as soon as he realizes you're not her, which will be the second you walk in the door and he checks the drive, you're dead!" Bellamy protested, his voice growing more unsteady with every word. 

Gabriel suggested, "So let's put it back in."

I tilted my head, considering. Josephine was gone. I'd already had my neck cut open a few times. What was one more? It could work. 

Unsurprisingly, Bellamy did not agree. "That's not happening. We appreciate what you did for us, but these are our people. We'll take it from here."

I sighed, twining my fingers with his. "This isn't just about our people, Bellamy." 

Bellamy turned to me, eyes brimming with selfish desire. I understood that look. Caring so deeply about one person that no one and nothing else mattered. This was about him almost losing me. "Well, it is for me, Y/N." 

Octavia entered the tent, cutting the emotional weight between Bellamy and I. A new sort of tension rose in its place. She stared at us for a moment before clearing her throat. "Good. Everyone's awake. So what's the plan?" 

Silence fell. I stared at Bellamy, trying to ignore his pleading, distressed aura. I hated walk away from him again. We kept having near misses, almost losing each other. This time it was too close. And I had to leave him again. My heart broke just thinking about it, but it was what needed to happen to save our people. 

I relayed the idea to Octavia, while pulling on my old jacket, relishing in its comfort. I missed the reminders of Earth, as shitty as life had been there. I had a lot of good memories. 

All four of us stood around a table, discussing how to move forward. 

I leaned my forearms on the table, addressing Gabriel. "You're a nightblood. You could walk through the shield at any time and lower it. Why haven't you?" 

Octavia responded, "Because he doesn't want to kill the people inside. He wants to save them, and they'll die to protect the Primes." 

Bellamy gripped the edge of the table so hard his knuckles turned white. "Then they die. I'm not letting our people get executed because theirs are delusional." 

The Blake siblings exchanged a less than agreeable glare. 

Gabriel crossed his arms. "I don't have the code. I couldn't lower the shield if I tried." 

"What about Ryker?" Bellamy ventured. "He built it and he helped you escape. Go to him, you lower the shield, we do the rest." 

Gabriel shook his head. "Ryker won't help us. He left my cell door open to stop Simone from burning me at the stake, but he wouldn't help me stop the resurrections." 

"They were gonna burn you?" Octavia growled, eyes flashing. It was clear that she'd grown attached to Gabriel in the time that she'd been out here. I hoped he helped her recover from all her sins. 

Gabriel turned to her, shrugging vapidly. "That's what you do to demons." Octavia pursed her lips and directed her gaze to the table. Gabriel continued, "I destroyed the embryos. We landed with a thousand genetically engineered with what you call nightblood to protect against solar radiation." 

It was starting to come together. The more I understood, the less I felt like I was drowning in the time I lost. "That's why nightbloods are so rare, why Josephine started oblation." 

Gabriel didn't meet anyone's eyes. "I didn't think she would take it that far, but." 

"So your nonviolent revolution made things worse," Bellamy grunted, smiling dryly. 

Octavia said, "Bellamy he doesn't want to kill his own people." 

He scoffed. I could feel his anger sparking. "Why not? You did?" 

I put a hand on his shoulder, trying to draw his attention away from his sister. The intensity of their glares could have set the tent on fire. "Bellamy." 

He shrugged me off. "I don't need a lecture on moral relativity from the queen of cannibals." 

Octavia closed her eyes, took a deep breath. "Can I talk to you outside?" 

Bellamy crossed his arms. "No. No, you know what? For once, O, you're not my biggest problem." 

"Please?" Her voice was soft, yet full of commanding. Octavia had always been a confident person. I hoped she was now expressing it in a better means. She gave her brother one more pleading look before heading out the tent. 

I ran a hand through his hair, turning his attention to me. Smiling softly, I pressed my forehead to his, keeping my voice as calm as possible. Bellamy needed something to hold on to. I feared he was going to fall apart before this was over. "Go. We'll keep thinking." 

Bellamy sighed, but it seemed I'd gotten through to him. He moved for the exit when Gabriel spoke up. "Your sister's special." 

Bellamy snorted. "Well, that's one word for it." 

Gabriel turned to him, stopping him before he left. "I'm serious. She went into the anomaly and came back. No one's ever done that before." 

"The anomaly?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. What the hell was that? Ominous mystical shit was the last thing we needed. Indistinct buzzing filled the moment of silence. 

"That sound you hear," Gabriel replied, "the great mystery of Sanctum. Look, she didn't remember anything, so I gave her red sun toxin to help her see. She chose to look inward instead." 

"But there was no eclipse," I piped up, still intriuged. Granted, he'd been here much longer than I had and knew a lot more about this world, but that didn't make sense. Could he bottle up red sun toxin? 

"The toxin's everywhere. In every leaf, every tree, the soil, the rocks," Gabriel explained. "Over time, we found other ways to harness its power." 

I knew what that meant. I'd been around manipulative smooth talking people long enough to decipher code like that. 

"You weaponized it didn't you?" Bellamy accused, on the same train of thought as me. 

"Simone did. As part of her adjustment protocol. My research was focused on an antitoxin. The discovery that intravenous use produced a waking dream was a happy accident." 

Bellamy and I exchanged curious glances. I wasn't exactly sure how to digest that information. 

"Uh, Gabriel?" Octavia called from outside. "Your friends are here."

My stomach dropped. I didn't like the sound of that. Bellamy raced out of the tent, gun drawn. I shared a concerned glance with Gabriel before peeking out. Octavia was on her knees, surrounded by several masked people, guns aimed at the Blake siblings. 

As soon as I stepped outside, every single person turned their gun on me, shouting about Josephine. Immediately Bellamy moved in front of me, hands out in a defensive motion. Adrenaline pounded in my veins. 

"It's not her!" Bellamy cried, making sure no one could get a clear aim on me. Despite my fear for him going down in my place, I stepped so I was right behind him, comforted by his protective warmth. 

Octavia called, "Gabriel, we could use a little help!" 

The moment seemed to drag on for an eternity. Everyone shifted restlessly, waiting for Gabriel to show himself. Finally, he stepped out, carrying with him a tired resolve. 

"Xavier?" A woman pulled her mask off, staring with joy. Everyone pulled their masks off, comforted in the presence of someone familiar. They pleaded for him to get out of the way. 

Gabriel stepped in front of Bellamy, hand clasped together. "Layla. Nelson. Put the weapons down. All of you. That's an order."

"You don't give orders," said Nelson, glaring at him, finger on the trigger. "Where's the old man?" Gabriel just stared, eyes empty. "Layla, search the tent."

Gabriel stepped in front of Layla, stopping her. "The old man is dead. So is Xavier."

All the warriors deflated. Still, they stood tall. I couldn't imagine what it felt like for them to receive that news. Nelson slung his gun over his shoulder, glaring at Gabriel. "On your knees."

Hands raised, Gabriel obliged. I lowered my hands, unsure what was to come. Instinctively I grabbed Bellamy's hand. He held tight. 

Nelson circled Gabriel, eyes narrowed. His gaze lingered on the back of his neck, where there was a distinct black line. He squared his shoulders. "Gabriel."

He nodded. Rage crossed Layla's face. She pistol whipped Gabriel up the side of the head. She screamed, kicked, moved to hurt him more. Nelson held her back, but only from killing him. Black blood dripped down his face, and that seemed to be more than enough to spark anger in the rest of them. I didn't fight as they surrounded me, grabbed my arms, shoved me back into the tent. Gabriel was the center of their attention for now. I wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible. 

They practically threw Gabriel to the ground in the center of the tent. I tried to keep as close to Bellamy as possible, but a man stood in between us. 

Nelson growled, "Explain." 

Gabriel kept his gaze trained on the ground. "I didn't want this. I loved Xavier like a son. You know that." 

"Don't say his name," Layla snarled, tears dripping down her face. 

Nelson turned to her. "Layla, if you can't handle this maybe you should wait outside."

She brushed away her tears. "I'm fine. I need to hear this."

Gabriel let his eyes roam across his furious people. "Eduardo brought me back without my consent." 

Nelson stepped closer to him. "Eduardo's been dead for ten years, killed by Sanctum guards around the time the old man disappeared."

"It wasn't the Sanctum guards." 

Layla's voice shook when she spoke. "Ten years? He's been lying to us for ten years? Letting me call him brother?"

Nelson crossed his arms. "He's still our leader."

Layla's fingers twitched. I recognized that movement. She was itching for a weapon. "No. He's a traitor and a Prime. He could've told us the truth, but instead he let us think we were abandoned. Now, give me back the gun and let me end this once and for all." 

Nelson glared at Gabriel for a moment, before pulling a pistol from the folds of his clothes. My heart pounded so hard I was almost certain it was going to crack my ribcage. If she had that pistol, I didn't doubt she would kill me too. 

"Wait!" Bellamy said, desperation easily detectable in his voice. "If this is really what you want, at least wait until he delivers the bomb."

I turned over my shoulder, tilting my head in question. "What are you talking about?"

Layla spat, "Shut up."

I clamped my mouth shut. I knew when to take a hint. 

Bellamy continued, "I'm talking about weaponized red sun toxin. Gabriel's a nightblood. He can walk it right through the shield and deploy it. Once it's in the air, he finds our friend Raven. She'll bring the shield down for the rest of us. We use the chaos of the evacuation to rescue our people. You kill the Primes. That's how this ends."

Nelson narrowed his eyes. The hint of a smile tugged at his lips. "Hm. It's a good plan." 

Layla scoffed. "Come on. You trust them just like that?" 

Nelson shook his head, presenting a machete to Gabriel. "No. But I will when he kills Josephine Prime."

My heart stopped. I tried to keep my voice steady, but these people seemed to respond only to anger. They had a righteous thirst for vengeance, and I didn't blame them. But it made this a hell of a lot harder. "I'm not Josephine!" 

"It's true," Gabriel said. "Josephine is gone. I took the mind drive out myself." 

"He's protecting her," Layla insisted. "How much more proof that he's a traitor do we need?"

Gabriel hung his head. For a terrifying moment I thought maybe he would do it, but he nature proved to be much more truehearted than that. He met Nelson's eyes and said firmly, "No." Nelson moved the machete to me, ready to end my life. Gabriel talked faster. "If you kill her yourself, I won't build you the bomb." 

An endless moment passed before Nelson lowered the blade. 

Gabriel and I both sighed in relief. "Good. First, we gather the toxin. There's a cave on the way to the Anomaly." 

"You're not going anywhere," Layla snarled. She turned her scorching glare on me. "Neither is your long-lost friend." 

I stared her down. I would stay quiet, but I refused to be intimidated. I'd been through too much to be scared by the likes of her. 

"We can do it!" Octavia offered, nodding to Bellamy. "Just tell us what to look for."

That seemed to be enough. I wished to say goodbye to Bellamy before he and his sister went off to get the toxin, but it was clear the Children of Gabriel were not going to let that happen. Instead, I opted for a faint smile, and the hope that neither of us would meet our end in the time we were apart. 

I waited in the tent with Gabriel while he gathered together the supplies to build the bomb for the toxin. I leaned against a table, arms crossed, trying to stay out of the way. 

"A device like this was one of the reasons I left. I wouldn't build Russel his bomb, and here I am building for you." Gabriel chuckled, completely unaware that Layla had entered the tent. I glared at her. I had no reason to trust that she wouldn't hurt me. "Never mind me. I'm rambling. Your friends should be at the cave by now. You know, it's too bad they took an antitoxin. That is one sibling relationship that could use a good guided hallucination."

I didn't disagree, if I was being honest. But I didn't want to put either of their lives at risk to mend their relationship. 

"Yeah," Layla said, sauntering up behind him. He startled. "Be a shame if one of them was murdered before they worked it out."

Gabriel sighed. "Layla, I-" 

She snapped, "Don't you dare apologize." He bit his lip. They stared at each other for a moment, before he shifted aside to let her see his work. "This bomb. If the Primes have one, then why haven't they used it on us?"

"I don't know. Probably because turning us into raging killers isn't in their best interest." 

Layla pressed, "Then what's it for?"

He explained, "Josephine and Simone were intrigued by a pattern in the visions of those who survived being caught out in the eclipse. Despite my best efforts to stop them, they started leaving test subjects outside to study it. Now, not surprisingly, believers in the divinity of the Primes invariably reported seeing us as gods or as angels. What interested the Lightbournes more was that the aggression response of the faithful was almost always aimed at the less devout."

"Believers killing nonbelievers," I murmured. Chills crawled up my spine. The Primes really had everyone wrapped around their fingers. 

Layla held a glowering stare with me for a moment before turning it on Gabriel. "I swear on my brother's memory if you betray us, I will kill you."

With that, she stormed out of the tent, once more leaving me alone with Gabriel. 

Inspecting the trinkets on the tables, my thoughts wandered to my past. "Josephine was right. This is Mount Weather all over again. That bomb won't just cause chaos. It'll cause a massacre. There has to be a better way than using a massacre as a distraction to get the shield down." 

Gabriel barely looked up from the bomb. "Look, if you're worried about your people, they'll be fine. Put in wall restraints to fend for themselves as soon as the early warning system is triggered and evacuation begins."

I crossed my arms. "I told you. I'm not just worried about...the early warning system. The insects are affected by the toxin first. That's why they're in tanks all over Sanctum." 

Gabriel attached some wires, leaning back as sparks flew. "I'm aware. It was my idea. What's your point?"

I smirked. For the first time in a while, I felt like I was in complete control. I knew how to save this. "We use less of the toxin. Enough to affect the bugs, but not the people. Just enough to trigger the evacuation. Can you do that?"

He paused his work for a moment. "Yes, but without the chaos, I won't have time to take the shield down. Your people will still prisoners, and the Primes will still be Primes. We will kill some bugs though."

I rolled my eyes. Very Murphy-like commentary. "So we take down the shield first." 

Gabriel raised an eyebrow, clearly amused at the prospect. "First? As in before the evacuation, while everybody's still home? Look Y/N, I don't mean to be rude, but-" 

"Josephine could do it," I said. He paused. Confidence flowed through me. Oh, how I loved when people underestimated me. "Think you can get your children to let me go with you?" 

"It's doubtful. They're not gonna like it." Gabriel resumed his work, voice shifting with a knowing tone. "Neither is Bellamy."

Well, that was true. But I could handle my boyfriend. I needed to make sure his people wouldn't get in my way. Of saving them. It was complicated. "We got this, Gabriel."

Hesitantly, he nodded. I smiled. I perused the tent, trying to keep my mind occupied until Bellamy returned. My skills resided in language and violence. Not so much mechanics and the building of weapons. When finally the Blake siblings came back bearing several mushrooms infected with the toxin, I couldn't deny how relieved I was. Immediately, I enveloped Bellamy in a tight hug, one he clearly wasn't intent on ending. 

He did, though, when I began to fill him in on the change of plans. I could already sense his disagreement. 

"What do you mean you're not building a bomb?" He said, turning to Gabriel. 

Gabriel took a moment to respond, as his attention was focused in on the glass tank filled with toxin. It reminded me of the tanks that Octavia kept the worms in. I shifted uncomfortably at that memory. "Releasing it into the water will cause it to aerosolize at a lower concentration. We'll trigger an evacuation without inducing a mass psychosis."

"In other words," I added, "no innocent people die." 

"How long until they realize there's no eclipse and turn around?" Octavia implored. 

I paced in front of them, trying to calm my nerves. I was right about this, but if we messed this up even a little bit, then no one would be saved. "Not long enough. We'll need to be inside before it starts which means-" 

"Which means the shield needs to be down before it starts," Bellamy finished, shoulders slumping. He knew where I was going with this. 

"Can you do that without a distraction?" Octavia asked. 

"It wouldn't be him," Bellamy said, turning to look at me with pleading eyes.

"Bellamy, it's the only way," I said, putting a hand on his arm. He took a shuddering breath. My heart broke at the thought of leaving him again, but I couldn't just let a community of innocent, manipulated people die. I was going to be a just leader. And this was how I took a step towards that. 

Octavia raised an eyebrow. "What is?"

"I go as Josephine."

Bellamy shook his head, intertwining his fingers with mine in a desperate call for me to change my mind. He knew as well as I that anything he said wasn't going to do that. "It's not the only way. We use the bomb as planned. Risking your life when we don't have to is just-" 

"Is how we do better," I insisted, swallowing over the lump rising in my throat. I had to stay strong. For all of us. "What would Monty do?"

Bellamy glanced at the ceiling and then turned his gaze back on me. "Y/N, if you fail, if Russel figures out his daughter is dead, all our people are dead too."

"So I won't fail." 

He was not convinced. 

Octavia stepped in. "Bellamy, if we can spare innocent lives, we should." 

I kissed him on the cheek. "You told me ages ago that I am capable of more than most. That no one should underestimate me. You made me belive in myself. Now, can you believe in me?" 

Loving despair filled his eyes. Before he could respond, the roar of engines outside the tent caught all of our attention. The Children shouted about Sanctum raiders. There was no time for argument anymore. This was my way into Sanctum. 

"Wait here," Bellamy ordered, before rushing outside, followed closely by his sister. Not but a second later, they were forced back inside by a few of the Children. Seeing Bellamy manhandled was always enough to set off my fighting instincts. I wrestled with the man trying to pin me down for a moment, but ultimately gave in. 

They bound my wrists in front of me and pulled a gag tight around my mouth, same with Gabriel and the Blake siblings. Forced to the ground across from Bellamy, I trained my gaze on his. As much as I knew he opposed my choice, he was going to support me. And I was going to make sure he had a home, a people, a peaceful world to come back to. I'd do all that and more for him. 

I focused on him, on how much I loved him, instead of the shouts outside, the gunshots, the way Layla stood in the tent, glaring, clearly itching to shoot me with her pistol. At the call for a retreat, Layla moved for the entrance to the tent, presumably to see what was happening. As soon as she was distracted, the back of the tent began to rip open. Someone was cutting it with a knife. In popped Murphy. 

Relief swept through me. He was alive. I smiled. As soon as Jade appeared behind him, all that dropped away. Was he working with the Primes? I couldn't say I was surprised, but I was amazed at the crushing disappointment. He was my friend, my family, and now we were on opposing sides. I trusted he had a good reason for this. In the end, I was also going to be playing pretend with the Primes, so I had to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

Jade crouched behind a stack of crates as Murphy stood in front of us, calling for Layla's attention. Immediately, she spun around, gun trained on his chest. Panic clutched at me for a moment. Jade crept around behind her and hit her in the head before she could shoot. As soon as Jade had the gun, I felt more at ease. 

"Josephine?" She whispered, crouching in front of me. 

I exchanged a glance with Bellamy for a moment. I could tell he still didn't want me to go through with it, but I didn't have a choice. I nodded. Jade pulled the gag out of my mouth, before going to work on my bonds. 

Channelling everything I knew about Josephine, I squared my shoulders back, forced myself to act colder, haughtier, as sociopathic as I could. "Well done, Jade." I turned my ice cold stare on Murphy, hoping he would buy it, yet at the same time crushed by the thought that he despised me. "You just can't pick a side can you John?"

He set his jaw. "The only reason I'm doing this is because Emori dies if I don't."

There it was. I knew I could trust him. Love was a powerful motivator. For better or worse. He knew that as well as I. As soon as my bonds fell away, I took a moment to rub feeling into my wrists. Then I hopped to my feet. 

Jade commanded, "Just give us two seconds to make sure it's clear, then follow."

Layla groaned on the floor, shifting. Jade moved to aim the gun at her, but I threw an arm out. I glanced around, finding a pistol on the table near me. I picked it up. "No. This one's mine. Go. Make sure it's clear."

Jade ducked out the tent. Pistol still trained on Layla, I stared at Murphy. There was a world of conflict churning within him, that much I could tell. He wasn't eager to leave any of us like this. 

Voice bitter, he stepped up close to me. "Is she really gone this time?"

Me. Good to know he still cared. That made this so much worse. I hated that I had to play up this act. I hope this didn't hurt him. I gave him a dry smile. "Yes. Boo-hoo. Now, as soon as a I pull this trigger, your little decoy trick will fail. You better run."

Murphy glared at me with an intensity to rival the heat between the Blake siblings. He huffed. I watched him leave, before turning my sights on Layla. Now, I could drop the act. I turned the gun towards the ground beside my feet. Maintaining eye contact with Layla, I fired the gun. 

Without another thought, I moved to Bellamy. I removed his gag, pressed my forehead to his. "I can do this." 

"Get that shield down," he whispered. "I'll bring the cavalry." 

I smiled. "For Monty." 

He nodded. "For Monty." 

I pressed my lips to his in a warm, reassuring kiss that I hoped wasn't goodbye. The feeling of comfort lingered on my tongue for a moment. I could do this. I threw him one more look over my shoulder, and then I was out of the tent. 

It was a cold ride back to Sanctum. Everything was resting on my shoulders. I tried to keep my focus on the mission, but my thoughts always strayed back to Bellamy. I hated to leave him tied up. 

Even Murphy made his way into my panicked thoughts. He thought I was dead for good. I hoped this worked out for him too. For everyone. 

As soon as we set foot in the center of Sanctum, I felt more at ease. So far, everything was going well. 

"Would you mind walking a little faster?" Murphy groaned from in front of me. 

I rolled my eyes. "Relax. If they were gonna kill us, we'd be dead by now. They know that we're here."

I played with my hair, twirling it around my finger as we approached a stoic Russel surrounded by guards. I tilted my head. "What, no hug?" 

Russel smiled. Tears filled his eyes. He drew me into a hug. Oh, how I couldn't wait to bring his world crumbling down. "Josephine. How is this possible?" 

"It's a long story," I said, with as much balance between disinterest and impatience as I could. "Suffice to say, I'm awesome. What I'm not, however, is immortal. Gabriel took out my drive." 

Russel's face fell. Murphy took that moment to speak up. "I really do hate to interrupt, but." 

Russel moved towards him. "I'm a man of my word. You earned your place here. Take him to Emori. And clear the doctor and the rest of her people from the lab." 

I tried to steady the pounding in my heart as a few guards lead Murphy away. The doctor could mean Abby or Clarke. Either way, my stomach turned over. I didn't want to see anyone else hurt. 

"Where's Mom?" I asked. 

Russel held up his hand. Lying in his palm was a mind drive. So someone had killed Simone's host. Revolution was sparking. "There was an incident, but it's okay. I was just on my way to resurrect her, but that can wait."

I shook my head in disbelief. They shouldn't have had more suitable hosts right now. "Resurrect her in who?" His silence was all the confirmation I needed. "Abby did it. We can make hosts."

The words tasted bitter in my mouth. How did they get her to do it? What had my people been through while Josephine cavorted around in my body? 

Russel nodded. "Yes, but not how you think. Come on. Let's get you checked out."

He put an arm around my shoulders and led me up through the palace.

"So I used Y/N's neural mesh to stay in her brain. Turnabout's fair play, am I right?" I said as we walked, as cavalier as possible. God, pretending to be Josephine made my skin crawl. Every time I spoke I wanted to stab myself. "Anyway, I killed her in the mindspace. Now here we are."

I stopped short when we entered the medical lab they used to put all the Primes into their hosts. A girl sat in a chair, tubes and wires extending from her every here and there, pooling nightblood into vials. I tried not to think about how sick I was to my stomach. 

I scoffed. "How about next time we use a less crowded host? What do you say?" 

I walked around to the other side of the room. When I saw the girl's face, my heart stopped. Time stopped. For a moment, I couldn't breathe. It was Madi. They were draining her of blood. She was so pale. Sweating profusely. I couldn't help her, I couldn't help my daughter or I would condemn us all to death. 

I pulled myself together as fast as I could, ignoring the threat of tears welling behind my eyes. Quickly, I swiped them away before Russel noticed. "And what is this?"

"This is how we make hosts," Russel replied, staring at me. It felt like he was assessing my reaction, testing to see if I really was Josephine. 

I picked up one of the glass tubes. This absolutely _was _Mount Weather all over again. In every aspect. "Bone marrow? Hm." 

The memory of being drilled raced through my mind. I pushed it away. I never wanted to relive that again. Even if my own child was going through a similar thing. At least here she wasn't blatantly suffering. That I was aware of. It was little comfort, but enough to keep me going. 

"Y/N?" Madi mumbled, eyes barely open. "Is that you?" 

It took everything in me to not reassure her that I was here, that I wasn't going to let her die like this, to pull her into a hug and never let go. Deep inside, I was falling apart. But I promised Bellamy I would hold it together. I wouldn't fail. "No. It's not. She put up a good fight, though, kid. Can't win them all." 

Madi shifted, pulling against her restraints. The raging anger in her eyes terrified me. She screamed, growling with rage. "We're gonna kill you! We're gonna kill all of you and everything you love!" 

Hearing her talk like that made it ever harder not to break down into tears. Something was wrong with her. And I didn't know how to help. All I could think to do was how to help her in a way that kept up the ruse of Josephine. I searched around the lab until I found what I was looking for, all the while blocking out Madi's enraged screams. How did she become this? 

I jabbed a syringe in her arm. As the liquid inside injected into her bloodstream, she slowly calmed, until she was completely unconscious. At least she was resting. I hoped. 

I stared at her for a moment, trying to keep my face level and unimpressed. "Hm. How many doses can we get out of her before she dies?" I shrugged. "You know what? Never mind. It's time for my new drive. Being mortal sucks." 

I handed the empty syringe to Russel who smiled and moved to a different part of the lab. It seemed I'd passed his silent test. 

As soon as he couldn't see my face, I allowed myself the solace of falling apart just a little. They imprisoned my people. They threated Bellamy. They hurt my child.

The Primes were going to burn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi sorry this took weeks to get out. I just like stopped writing halfway through to finish out my semester I guess. IDK. It's here now, and hopefully you enjoyed! I'll try to get the next two chapters out as soon as possible! We're near the end guys. 


	12. Adjustment Protocol

"After the execution, we found more graffitti," Russel said, as he prodded through my neck with small, delicate instruments. "Who knows what poison those escaped prisoners are spreading. One of them already killed Simone. If this continues, they'll come for us. Right now their rebellion is at a tipping point. We must crush it tonight. Get everything back to normal. When our people see all of us returned at once, they will fall to their knees."

I could barely focus on what Russel was saying. Most of my attention was on Madi. From my position with my face through the hole of a medical chair, I couldn't see much, but I had a clear view of the large glass container collecting her blood. It was so much. My baby was going to bleed dry. I wished I could kill Russel right now, save Madi, protect her from all this horror. But I couldn't. 

"We should've killed you first," Madi spat, her voice low, shaking. I knew what she was feeling. I'd been through it many a time. I only hoped she could control that sentient anger feeding through her. This wasn't the Madi I knew. "Once we're free, you will burn."

I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing back the tears threatening to fall. A painful lump formed in my throat. She'd never spoken like that. I never wanted this for her!

Forcing back all my terror, my worry for her, my simmering anger at the Primes, I channelled Josephine as well as I could, but my words came out breathy and nervous. "Well that's a little dramatic."

Madi struggled violently against her restraints. "You will all burn! You will not get rid of us! We are eternal!" 

"Guards!" Russel shouted. "Bring the doctors!" 

I lifted my head, trying to see her, wishing I could comfort her as she fought so hard that she shook the chair she was strapped to. Russel gently pushed me back down, telling me to stay still. The doors opened, and I caught the feet of several people entering. Some I recognized as the footwear of my own people. Who they belonged to, I wasn't sure.

"She'll tear out the IV's," someone said, whose voice I recognized as Jackson's, moving for Madi to sedate her. 

Madi growled, "I know what you're doing Reyes! You think you're smart enough to get rid of me? If you don't stop I will kill this child!" 

Now the tears did fall. I couldn't stop them. Hastily, I wiped them away. Sheidheda really was in control of her. He was going to kill her. Or he was going to twist her into something I would have to kill. I couldn't bear to see either pass. 

Madi's grunting quieted, and I could only assume that she'd been sedated. Russel thanked Jackson, and finished stitching up my neck, after being certain that the chip was still there. 

I sat up, taking a moment to assess who was in the room. Jackson and Raven, their presences I'd picked up on. Abby, I should've expected. But it was Clarke whose gaze I met and my heart practically stopped. I hadn't seen her in ages. I'd missed her almost as much as my heart currently ached for Bellamy. So it took everything in me to not run into her arms, to school my features, to glare at her when her face dropped, and tears streamed down her face. I hadn't seen her cry often, not like this. 

God this sucked. 

I stretched out my limbs, smiling faintly at all of them. "Peachy keen Josephine."

Clarke took a step towards me, her breaths shallow and choking, like she was trying her hardest not to completely break down. I knew the feeling. 

I rolled my eyes. "Oh stop it. I'm not her." 

Clarke stepped up to Russel, stared him in the eyes, jaw clenched, cold indignation in her eyes. "I will kill you for this." 

Russel sighed, not breaking eye contact with her. "I once believed I'd never stray from the moral path and then I killed my family in the first eclipse. I'd have done anything to bring them back. So I believe you." 

Clarke blinked away a few tears and turned away. Good. It was easier if I couldn't see how much she was breaking down. But having Raven and Jackson look at me with that wounded disbelief in their eyes wasn't much better. Abby was plaintive, but distant. That didn't give me a good feeling. I would've thought I'd have seen more hope in her eyes after having the Primes help DWasn't...wouldn't she have saved my father by now?

"How may doses of the serum do you have?" Russel asked Jackson. 

"Four," he replied, not taking his eyes off of me. "Including the one your people took to the machine shop for Simone."

"Six Primes must be resurrected tonight," Russel demanded. "That's two more doses." 

"Madi wouldn't survive that," Abby protested, the first word she'd spoken since she'd entered. 

I couldn't stop myself from the fleeting concerned gaze I shared with Clarke. We'd always done it when it was just the three of us and we questioned Madi's choices. We'd done it when her life was on the life. How could I break such a habit?

"If it's too hard for you to continue, my healers will take your place," Russel said. "They're already familiar with the process. It would be no trouble."

Abby glared at him. "No. I can do it."

"Good. Remember this was the deal that saved you from the pyre. I'd hate for that to change."

Oh good, more threats. Now I had even more of a reason to stab Russel when this was all over. 

Russel moved to leave, so I followed suit, grabbing my jacket. I tilted my head, giving everyone a cold, indifferent smile. "Toodle-oo!" 

And then we were out of the room. Every inch of me crawled with revulsion. Instinct told me to take out Russel, take on the guards, run back to my friends, my family, get them _out_. But there was always something bigger at stake. And I wouldn't let the innocent people of Sanctum perish. 

Controlling that anger inside of me was more difficult a feat than I imagined. After all these years of practice, I still struggled to keep a handle on it when the lives of everyone I cared about were on the line. Why couldn't Josephine have been a naturally angry person instead of a nonchalant sociopath? That would have made this so much easier. 

My malignant thoughts carried me all the way through the palace behind Russel until we stopped at the dining hall. The ornate double doors opened inwards, revealing the spacious dining room with the comically long table I'd sat at a week and a half ago to negotiate peace. 

"You must be starving," Russel said. "Let's get you something to eat. After that, I need you to handle the Naming Day preparations."

I huffed, turning my head to him as the guards dispersed. "I'm not hungry. And I just got back. Get Priya to do it." 

"She's an engineer. Not a party planner," Russel said, the hint of a chuckle twinkling in his eyes. 

I raised an eyebrow. "Have you been to one of my parties?" 

Russel smiled. "Fine. I'll get Priya to do it."

"Good. Now, if I spend one more minute like this, I will spontaneously combust from the shame." I wrinkled my nose for added effect. In truth, the absolute last thing I wanted to do was get out of the clothes that had kept me company through the hardest times of my life. 

Russel nodded. "Go get cleaned up. I'll resurrect your mother." 

"Wait!" It was Emori's voice. I'd seen her and Murphy when we walked in, but tried to ignore that they were there. I couldn't bear to pretend in front of any more of my friends. Every pained look I received only made my heart ache more. "Does this mean Echo is still alive?"

Murphy put a hand on Emori's hand, clearing his throat. Controlling the situation in his favor as usual. As long as it didn't get either of them killed, I was fine with it. "What's she saying is now that anyone can be a nightblood, maybe you use someone else?"

I scoffed. "Oh stop your whining. Do you want to be immortal or not? Because if you become Primes and this revolution spreads, they're coming for you too."

They went silent, exchanging a glance. I watched them for a moment, desperately wishing I could tell them that I was me, but instead I turned to Russel. 

"Hey, I want to be there when Mom comes back. Wait for me?" 

Russel kissed my forehead. Despite my surging hatred for him, it was strangely comforting. When was the last time my own father had done that for me? Years ago. "Of course, sweetheart. Be quick."

I smiled briefly and sauntered away. As soon as I was completely out of Russel's line of vision, my pace quickened. Without him breathing down my neck or constantly flanked by guards, I could make it back to the operating room. I could tell them Josephine was dead. I could save my daughter. I could do _something_. 

My thoughts raced a mile a minute. Ditching my old clothes was the worst. Peeling them off felt like I was shedding more of who I was. I'd get back to that soon. It was my only comfort as I pulled on a black suit, dressed myself up as I believed Josephine would prefer. I was uncomfortable to say the least. 

I couldn't move fast enough to the operating room. I barely even registered that I'd made it when I passed by the rows of skeletons that never failed to send me rocketing with unease. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door. Jackson, Abby, Raven, Clarke - they all stared at me, lips pursed. Silence hung heavy in the air. Now that we were alone, I could allow myself to indulge in the comfort of my friends. 

Propelled by the desire to be reunited, I stepped towards Clarke. Her eyes were wide, dull, teary. She stepped away from me as soon as I got close to her, but I wasn't going to let her. I put my hands on her shoulders and pulled her into me, hugging her as tight as I possibly could. Hesitantly, she hugged me back. 

"Y/N?" She whispered. 

I nodded, running a hand through her hair in the way we always would when we felt too alone. Tears streamed down my cheeks. Holding her, my sister, close to me for the first time since I'd almost died was beyond euphoric. 

Clarke laughed, her voice shaking. "What happened? I thought...how?" 

I pulled away from her, exhaling a shaky breath. "It's a long story. But I'm okay." 

She wiped the tears from my face, and smiled. I turned to Raven and Jackson, enveloping them in a relieved embrace. Abby was last. I took her hands in mine. The weight of the question I was about to ask was like an anchor attached to my heart. "Abby, please tell me. My father. Did...did you save him?"

Abby wouldn't meet my eyes. Once again, that silence fell, crushing in on me. Her lack of a response was all the answer I needed. My stomach dropped. I squeezed my eyes shut. More tears fell. They were scorching. He was gone. My father was gone. Dead. I didn't get to say goodbye. My knees buckled. I collapsed to the ground, failing to choke back a sob. Immediately, everyone was by my side, comforting me. No one said any words. We'd all learned they don't take much away from the encompassing pain of grief. Only their supportive comforting presences could help. 

After a few deep breaths, I pulled myself together. I think I'd known for some time. Maybe it was for the best. My heart ached for my father. He was a good man, despite all his fallacies. He deserved happiness. And maybe that came best in the peace of the afterlife. 

Biting my lip, I gratefully accepted Clarke's hand to help me up. More important things were at stake. I had to keep up this ruse. I had to make sure everyone else got peace. And then I could honor my father as he deserved. I turned my attention to Madi, still unsconscious in the chair. Pale and sickly, I feared I'd lose her too. I couldn't. No one else. 

"It's the Flame," Raven said. 

I nodded, not tearing my eyes from my daughter. "Sheidheda." 

"I'm working on the problem, but I need Becca's book," Raven explained, face crestfallen. 

I exchanged a concerned glance with Clarke. Mind racing, I focused on Madi again. Seeing her like this sucked, but still there were bigger things at hand. "Okay. That can wait. We don't have much time. I need you to come with me. We have to lower the shield. Bellamy and Octavia are waiting with the Children of Gabriel."

Melancholy brims in Raven's eyes. She turns her gaze to Madi. "I can't go with you, Y/N. If she wakes up again, Sheidheda will kill her." 

Yeah, that was decidedly not great. Raven was the smartest person I knew. If anyone could get rid of Sheidheda, it was her. Better that she stayed here, I supposed. "Okay. I'll use Ryker. The reactor's beneath the machine shop anyway." 

"No!" Raven protested. "Ryker turned Echo in! He won't help you!" 

I pursed my lips. "No, maybe not. But Josephine can be very persuasive." I took a deep breath, trying not to succumb to the terror clawing through me, for Madi, for my friends, for myself. "Until then, promise me you won't take anymore bone marrow."

Jackson crossed his arms, eyes shifting accusingly to Abby. "That's not a problem now. There's yet another nightblood in the family." 

My eyes widened. "Abby?" 

She shushed me. "I wasn't going to let them take more from her, and I wasn't about to give up Clarke's blood status. Nothing will happen to them." 

Sniffling, I rolled my eyes over all of them. "I love you guys."

"We love you too," Clarke replied. "Now go save us all. Again."

I gave her a curt nod, and strode out the door, heart heavier than it was when I entered. Grief lurked around every corner, threatening to pull me under. I refused to drown in its cold depths. I had friends and family to save. I'd lost my father, but I hadn't lost everything. 

Holding my head high, I strode through Sanctum, staring down anyone who glanced in my direction. I met no trouble. At least Josephine commanded some street cred. And Prime power. Everything was going just fine until I entered Ryker's workshop to find him sprawled on the ground, blood pooling around him. 

I gasped. "Ryker?" 

I glanced around, making sure there wasn't anyone lying in wait in the shadows before crouching beside him, gently cradling his head in my hands. His neck was still closed up, so his drive was still in there. Growing more frantic, I reached for a box cutter on a nearby work bench. Not the most surgical tool, but his body was already dead. Drawing on the feeble medical knowledge I'd picked up from Clarke, I cut the back of his neck open. Grabbing a pair of needle-nose pliers, I gently dug around until I tapped against his mind drive. 

Staring at the black covered drive, I mused, "If you can't help me, maybe your mom will."

A creaking sent a jolt of panic through me. Frantically, I grabbed some paper towels, cleaned off the drive, and tucked it into my coat's pocket. I just barely managed to get to my feet and act like I wasn't just effectively kidnapping a Prime when the garage door opened. Flanked by a few guards was Russel. 

He smiled at me. "There you are. Jade said you'd fallen asleep." 

I shook my head, putting as much conviction as I could into my words. "I would never miss Mom's resurrection. Unfortunately, Echo had other plans."

I stepped aside, revealing Ryker's dead body. Immediately, Russel's face fell. He moved to him, crestfallen, checked him for a moment. When he rose again, it was cold ire in his eyes. I could sense the resemblance to Josephine. 

"There are three escaped killers in this compound now," Russel growled. "Your orders are to shoot to kill. Is that clear?"

My blood ran cold. I hoped none of my friends did anything stupid.

Jade nodded her head. "Yes, holiness."

It was hard to mask my panic as I turned to face Russel. 

"They took his drive. We have to get it back before tonight so we can bring Ryker back with the others," Russel said. 

The drive was practically burning in my pocket. I swallowed over the lump in my throat. "I'll handle it. You've got enough on your plate." I turned to the guards. "Get the body out of here, and clean this mess up." They obeyed immediately. I turned back to Russel, resignation in my eyes. "I'll get Priya to help me. Lord knows she'll be motivated to save her son."

Russel nodded in approval. "Good. Bring the drive to the lab when you get it. I'll start the other resurrections. You will take guards."

Giving him a single nod, I turned on my heel and walked out the door. A few guards followed after me. I couldn't hear my own thoughts over the deafening beat of my heart. Everything felt like it was falling apart. Bellamy was waiting for me to lower the shield and I was taking too damn long. My pace quickened as I headed for the tavern we'd been confined to when we first ended up here. 

I pushed the doors open and strode in with as much commanding energy as I could muster. All conversation halted when everyone's eyes fell on me. I zeroed in on Priya, dressed up in Delilah, the woman Jordan had fallen a little too hard for. Now that I knew the truth about all this, my anger surged. Jordan deserved some semblance of happiness and Sanctum had all but ripped it from him. 

I glared at her. "Priya. There you are. I've been looking all over." 

"Josie," Priya replied. "I heard you had quite the adventure." 

"You have no idea, and I'll tell you all about it, but first I need your help with something in the machine shop," I said, my words more rushed than I meant them to be. My time limit was ticking. 

Concern knit her eyebrows together. "What did Ryker do now?"

I snorted. "More like what he didn't do. Dad asked him to wipe one of the prisoners, but he's completely lost his nerve. It's embarrassing." 

Priya sighed, taking my arm. "He's never wanted to face the reality of our situation. Let's go."

As soon as I turned my back, ready to make for the door and get the hell on with my plan, a familiar battle cry stopped my heart. I whirled around to see Echo leaping from behind the bar, tackling a guard to the ground. Gaia and Miller popped up a second later, taking down the other guards that moved to attack them. 

One guard free from the tussle pulled a gun from his belt, aiming it at Miller. My stomach dropped, and I almost made a move to stop him, unable to watch my friend die, when Blythe Ann, Delilah's mother, smashed a vase over his head. He collapsed. 

Priya made a bolt for the door, yelling at me to run. As soon as she made to grab my hand, I lifted my arm up, and snapped backwards as hard as I could. Her feet flew out from under her, and she hit the ground hard. She groaned. 

I stared at my panting friends for a moment. Hopeful confusion was written across their faces. I locked eyes with Echo, and smiled. 

A relieved smirk tugged at her lips. "I knew it. Ryker didn't lose his nerve. He lost his life."

Echo strode across the room and drew me into a tight hug. Overwhelmed with the comfort of a friend, alive and fighting, I beamed wide. 

"Y/N," Miller murmured, joy twinkling in his dark eyes. Warmth encompassed me as he held me in a comforting embrace. 

Gaia resorted for a respectful gripping of the arm. I knew what else was on her mind before the words left her lips. "Have you seen Madi? How...how are you here?"

I pursed my lips. I knew how worried she was, but there wasn't time. "Look, I'll explain later. First, we need to lower the shield. Bellamy's out there with the cavalry."

A pregnant pause hung between us for a moment. They all nodded, on board. 

"I'll get Priya to help me take down the reactor," I explained. "And then we go after Madi."

Wasting no time, we picked up the unconscious Priya and raced to the machine shop. Preparations were beginning for the namings, and if I didn't get the shield down soon, this would turn into a bloodbath. None of my people would make it out alive. 

Priya wasn't even conscious yet when the red-sun warning alarms blared across Sanctum. Croppling hysteria tore through me. I swallowed it back. There was no time to panic. There was no time for anything. 

I exhaled slowly, trying to remain calm. "It's too soon! We have to get that shield down now! Wake her up."

Gaia shook her until she stirred. Her eyes were wide, terrified. I didn't care. 

"We need your help." I held up Ryker's mind drive, still stained with his last body's blood. "We'll make this very simple. Take down the reactor, and you get Ryker back. If you don't..." I set the drive down on the work bench and picked up a hefty sledgehammer. I swung it for show. "Are we clear?"

Priya glared at me. I shrugged, and raised the hammer high, ready to strike. Holding a hand up she cried, "No, wait!" 

I smiled smugly. Was I really going to go through with it? I wasn't sure. It didn't hold the same weight as watching the life leave someone's eyes. I'd killed before. Not exactly doing better, but war was war. I could only hold my own for so long. 

Priya did as we asked, and led us out to the fields at the edge of Sanctum. Victory washed over me as the reactor went off, effectively taking down all power. With the fence down, the children of Gabriel could enter. Time seemed to move no faster than molasses as I stood at the crest of the hill with Miller, Gaia, Echo, and Priya. In the darkness, I searched for shadowy figures wandering. 

Finally, I found them. Leading the charge was none other than Bellamy. It felt like forever since I'd left him in the camp. My heart soared. I raced to meet him in the middle, enveloping him in a tight embrace. Being in his arms eased all my anxieties, gave me confidence that we'd win this war. I buried my face into the crook of his neck. He lifted me off my feet. 

I kissed him, comforted in the security of his lips against mine. "Okay. I hate to cut the reunion short, but Russel told the people that it was a false alarm. They're not evacuating. We have no distraction."

"The rest of our friends are still in trouble," Echo affirmed. "And we don't have the people to fight our way through."

"We're not here to fight," Bellamy said. "We're here to liberate."

Layla added, "Bellamy's right. And the only weapon we need for that is the truth."

Nelson snorted. "You sound like Gabriel."

I narrowed my eyes, scanning everyone. There was one face missing. "Where is Gabriel? And why did he set off the alarm so soon?"

Echo shifted, obviously itching for a weapon. "They won't believe us just beause we tell them the truth." 

"So what are you thinking?" Bellamy implored. 

"I'm thinking Ryker helped us start this," Echo replied. "His mother will finish it."

I turned over Ryker's drive in my fingers. I glanced at Priya, whose face was painted with terror and unease. As expected. I handed the drive to Bellamy. "They think I'm Josephine, so it can't be me." 

He curled his fingers around the drive. A silent plan passed between all of us. There was only one way this was going to go down. Priya would bleed the truth, of her own accord or not. Silently as possible, all of us snuck into the center of Sanctum where Naming Day was nearly in full swing. I'd be missed soon. 

I stuck close to Octavia as we hunkered down behind a shelter. We waited ogether with bated breath for Bellamy to arrive with Priya in hand. Whispers spread through the crowd as they arrived up the back staircase. My heart pounded harder as the guards turned their guns on him. If I lost him because I gave him my trust in this, I would never forgive myself. 

One guard ordered not to shoot, for fear of hitting Priya. He shoved her forward, not releasing his hold on her arm. 

Bellamy shouted, "The power is out, the shield is down, but we are not here to fight!" He paused as everyone turned their expectant eyes on him. "I have something to tell you that will be hard to hear, but it's the truth. The Primes told you that we're your enemy. They lied. They lied about everything. They're not gods. They don't become one with their hosts. They kill them."

The crowd murmured. I could sense the confused panic swelling in the air. Good. I just hoped it didn't turn into a riot that got any of my people killed. 

"They steal your bodies so they can live forever!" Bellamy continued. "Tell them."

Priya turned her chin up at the crowd, jaw clenched. My heart nearly leaped out of my chest. Why wasn't she talking? If she didn't this was all going to go to shit. 

"It's true," she said, voice shaking. "We're not divine. We survive because we have technology. But we need your bodies to do it. Delilah's not one with me. She's dead, killed so that I could return. It's all a lie."

Silence fell. The door to the palace balcony opened. I glanced up to see Russel striding out, cold resignation in his eyes. Anger raged through the crowd. They turned toward the palace, shouting that they were all liars. Bellamy handed Priya Ryker's drive, and she grabbed it, holding it close to her heart. I could hardly blame her. 

"I'm disappointed in you, Priya," Russel said, voice cool and smooth. "I'm disappointed in all of you. According to our adjustment protocol, nonbelievers must be purified!"

He tossed a canister over the balcony. People rushed out of the way to avoid being hit, but as soon as it made impact, it exploded. Gas erupted, curling over the crowd. Red sun toxin. 

"Everyone, anti-toxin," Layla ordered. "Now! Breathe deeply, you're good for two hours."

I grabbed a mask, inhaled as deep as I could. I crouched, waiting to hand it off to Bellamy as soon as he rushed back to our hiding place. 

"Where's Priya?" Layla asked. 

"The toxin separated us," Bellamy said, taking a breath of the anti-toxin. "The crowd got between us." 

I set my sights on the crowd. Everyone was fighting, screaming, infected with concentrated violence, killing each other for not believing. This was all falling apart. 

Delilah's mother screamed at Priya, stabbed her in the stomach. I squeezed my eyes shut. They deserved some justice for their daughter. 

Worse than any of the infighting, Russel emerged from the palace, flanked by guards, Madi bound and gagged beside him. Following close behind was Jackson, Raven, and Clarke. 

"Jax?" Miller breathed. Tears welled in his eyes, he took a panicked step forward. "JAX!"

Octavia pulled him back. "You can't!'

Miller raged, "I do not take orders from you anymore!"

"Miller," Bellamy stepped towards him, hand raised. "She's right. You'll never make it past the guards."

"No," I grunted, curling my hands into fists. They were not going to take my friends. Miller was not going to lose his boyfriend. I was not going to lose my daughter. "But I can."

"I'm going with you," Gaia said. "They'll think I'm Josephine's guard. It's Madi. I'm going."

I sighed. There was no changing her mind. And if she was willing to fight for my daughter, that was enough for me. I put a hand on Miller's shoulder. "Nate, stay here. Protect the others. I'll get him back. I promise." 

"Uh guys," Octavia muttered. She nodded towards a few men steadily approaching us, anger burning in his eyes. "We've got a problem."

"Go," Bellamy said, after taking down one that got a little too close. 

"What will you do?" I asked, trying to keep my voice from shaking. How many times was I going to have to leave his side, leave him vulnerable? 

"Look, I'm still working on that part. Just go!"

Unable to abandon him without a last kiss, I pecked him on the lips then bolted towards Russel, Gaia in tow. I raced to the palace, then schooled my features, got a handle on my panic. Time to act like Josephine in a crises. Namely, cold, collected, and ready to kill at any moment. 

Guards flanked me as I stormed into the banquet hall. I took a moment to assess the scene before me. Russel, Murphy and Emori were dressed up in decadence. Guards lined the room. Gabriel was tied to a chair near the edge. I tried not to make eye contact with him. He knew my secret. Most of all, I forced myself to stare at my captive friends, to keep my eyes cold. Clarke's eyes were red and puffy, face dejected. Madi glared at me. Sharp jabs struck my heart. 

"Thank god," Russel said, moving behind me. I whirled around. "Where have you been?"

"I was looking for Priya," I said. "But then I was blocked by a bunch of Gabriel's lunatic children. She's dead, by the way. What the hell is going on?"

A familiar voice replied, turning my blood to ice. "We're leaving Sanctum until it's purified." 

Abby strode in, dressed in ragalia, her face familiar but her expression haunting. So that was why Clarke looked so sick. They'd killed her mother. Replaced her with Simone. My stomach somersaulted. I tried to force back the nausea. Keep my cool. They'd know. Clarke took a shuddering breath. I glanced at her, unable to hide my sympathy. Now, it seemed, we were both orphans.

"Mom?" I whispered, trying to choke back tears. Abby didn't deserve this. The only comfort I could find was perhaps she had found my father in death. 

"Your mother murdered her mother," Gabriel muttered. "Ironic, don't you think?"

I glared at him. Keeping my calm was seeming more and more an impossible task with every passing minute. "Don't you speak to me." I hit him upside the face, hoping to expel my uncontrollable anger. "How could I have ever loved such a traitor?"

I bowed my head, allowing myself to fall apart a little. In the absence of a mother since I'd come to the ground, Abby had taken on that role for me. And now she was gone. 

Simone - Abby - I didn't know what to think anymore, put her hands on my shoulders, turned me around. "Oh, sweetheart. At least you have closure."

"That's enough," Russel said. "Now that we're all accounted for, it's time to go. Have you all taken the anti-toxin?"

"Go?" I asked, sniffling. "Where?"

"To space, of course," Simone answered. "Sanctum has lost us. For now, anyway." 

"We have no pilot," said one of the other Primes, whose name I couldn't place. Not a great sign. "Priya's dead. Maybe if you didn't kill the Lees."

Simone turned, approaching a crestfallen Raven. "That won't be a problem. We don't need the Lees, do we Raven?"

She growled, "Go float yourself, murderer."

There she was. That ever so defiant ice cold friend. God I loved her. I hoped she didn't take it too far. If I could just think without worrying about any of their lives, I could get us all out of this. I had to. 

Simone took a gun from one of the guards and aimed it at Madi's head. My heart stopped. In the shadows, Gaia let out a panicked breath. 

"How about now?" Simone asked. Jackson stared at her, disbelief and tears trailing down his cheeks. This was not Abby. It was hard to watch. "You have three seconds. One...two..."

"Okay," Raven said, her voice barely audible. 

I cleared my throat, expelling my fear. Simone didn't fuck around. I knew she would have shot Madi point blank and moved on without a care. "Good choice." 

"Excellent," Russel said. "Guards, take the prisoners. We're using the tunnel, but be prepared for anything."

Everyone filed out, but I couldn't make myself move. I stared blankly at Gabriel. 

"Goodbye, old friend," Russel spat, glaring at Gabriel. "Sanctum is yours. Though I suspect you won't last very long."

I shook myself free of my stupor. I moved to follow everyone, but found Murphy and Emori heading for the palace doors. "You're not coming?"

They turned, glaring at me. There was an empty hate in Murphy's eyes. It was unlike anything I'd ever seen. "You killed her. All she did was help, and you killed her!"

"We're staying," Emori affirmed. 

The two shared a look. Murphy said, conviction in his words, tears welling in his eyes, "We're gonna save our people." 

I never believed him more than I did in that moment. He'd come a long way. Tears trickled down my face. "I'm proud of you, Murphy." 

Silence fell between us. The hint of a smile tugged at his lips. He stepped close enough that we could almost hug, but that definitely would've given me away. "Just so you know, Josephine called me John."

I smiled faintly. I didn't want to have to say goodbye to them either.

"Josie, Daniel, Kaylee," Russel called from behind us. "Is there a problem?"

I shook my head. "They changed their minds. They're cowards." 

Russel huffed. "The mind drive is a terrible thing to waste. Josie, bring your guards and let's go."

I nodded, and said, "Guards, move out." 

They followed behind me as I made for the tunnels. I prayed Gaia would not be discovered. That prayer went unanswered. 

"Wait," Russel commanded. He pointed at Gaia. "She's one of them! Throw her to the wolves!"

I inhaled sharply. I needed Gaia to protect Madi. "No. I saw her in Y/N's mind. Threatening the child may work on Raven, but if I'm right, we need her to get on that ship."

Russel nodded. Thank god he bought it. Unfortunately, I knew that meant I'd have to threaten Gaia's life. The thought of that flipped my stomach again. I gave Murphy and Emori a brief smile, hoping it wasn't goodbye. 

Flying up to the ship felt like a fever dream. It seemed like forever since I'd been on the ship, since I'd woken to find Monty and Harper dead, a promising new home waiting beneath us. Now everything was sickeningly different. 

When we entered the airlock, we had Gaia, Madi, and Raven on their knees, gagged and bound. I kept a gun trained on Gaia's head, fighting the urge to puke when I saw the terrified, raging betrayal in Indra's eyes. The first time we see each other after a hundred years of sleep, and I'm threatening her daughter. 

This did not do my father justice. Nor Abby, nor anyone the Primes took from us. I would be sure before the night was done that they all got what they deserved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year!! This took forever. Hope you enjoy!! One more chapter and then we're DONE (until season 7, of course, but that won't be out for a hot minute). Hope all you lovely humans are having a fantastic day!


	13. The Blood of Sanctum

My stomach churned to see the confused, disgusted faces of my people. They hadn't a clue what had happened on the surface of the planet. Maintaining the ruse was harder than ever now. I was just glad I didn't have to stare down my father and face the betrayal in his eyes. 

Niylah shifted her gun, disbelief painted across her face. "Abby, Y/N, what are you doing?"

Indra's face fell. I tried to keep the ice glazed in my eyes. "That's not Abby and Y/N." 

I tilted my head, smiling coldly. "Very good. Seems we got our nightblood despite what I'm told you did with Kane." It took everything in me not to breakdown at the thought of my dead father. For everyone I cared about, I had to push away my grief. "Now, you have three seconds to stand down." 

"Or what?" Indra growled, challenging me. "If you kill them, we kill you. You didn't think this through."

I shifted the gun, pressing it into Gaia's temple. Slowly, I began to count. Panic filled Indra's eyes. Just a glimpse, but more than enough to know it was working.

"Weapons down now!" She ordered. 

Everyone obliged. I smiled, and leaned victoriously closer to Russel. "Told you. Y/N's memories may suck, but they do come in handy."

With my people under control, the Primes and I paraded through the stations of the Eligius ship, out captives at gunpoint. I kept my gaze fixed forwards, unable to bear the distress of holding my own friends hostage. I pushed Jackson forwards into the cafeteria, roughly as I could without actually hurting him. Keeping my features stoic was harder a feat than I ever could've imagined. 

Thinking about Bellamy, about how this will promise me a life of peace with him, is the only thing keeping me aflot. I have to keep the ruse up for all of us. 

"How many more of you are awake?" Simone demanded, staring gruffly into the faces of my frightened, confused people. 

"None," Indra responded, grinding her teeth. 

"Are you sure? We'll sweep the ship," Simone said, pressing her gun firmly into Raven's temple. Anger flashed through me. Fighting to keep it under control, I clutched tighter to my own weapon. "Anyone we find dies, and for each of them, so does one of you. Care to amend your answer?"

Indra glared at her. "No." 

Russel pushed Madi forward, turning her to face him. "Okay. You're their leader, so here's the situation. We're setting sail for planet Beta. It's a twenty year journey." Panicked murmurs spread through the crowd. I desperately wished I could console them, but I knew that was out of the question. "You can take it with us peacefully in Cryo..." 

I leaned in closer to Gaia, whispering in her ear, "Save Madi. I'll take care of the rest."

"...or you can die today," Russel finished. "We'll give you an hour to decide."

Russel shoved Madi forward. Silence fell as we released our hostages. Madi ripped out her gag and screamed, "Jompein!" _Attack!_

Loyal soldiers as they were, they did. Gunshots ricocheted off the metal walls, hitting a few people. Dismay washed through me. I couldn't keep the terror out of my eyes. Maybe Josephine would be scared too. I didn't know. I didn't care. All I could focus on was the unbridled hatred in Madi's eyes when she looked at me. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Simone-Abby pull a gun out, leveling it at Madi's head. I strode forward with purpose, putting myself between the barrel and my daughter. I stared Madi down. "No one gives orders here but us."

With the skilled precision of a fighter of many years, I struck her in the neck. She fell to the ground, unconscious. I let my gaze unfocus for a moment, staring at a gray wall, the blurry faces of my people. I couldn't look down at Madi like that. It was better than a bullet. But I hated what I had to do to her. 

I shook myself back to reality. If I let the moment drag on too long the Primes would figure me out. I made a disgusted sound and shrugged. "Let them rot. Come on, we have things to discuss."

The Primes followed me out of the room, locking the doors behind them, trapping half of the people I cared about most in that room. We gathered in a central hallway, four paths jutting out in every direction. I found my eyes straying down one that had the stateroom with the cheap bed Bellamy and I broke in. My heart ached. We had no idea what the hell we were getting ourselves into on the planet beneath us. I hoped he was faring well. 

"Devotion like that is dangerous," Russel said, pulling my attention away from my thoughts. "They obeyed her even though they knew they would die."

"Just wait," one of the other Primes said whose name I couldn't recall, "planet Beta, Russel we don't even know if that's survivable." 

"If it isn't, we go for Gamma," he amended. "Then Delta, then Epsilon. We won't even have to land to find out if it's survivable. Assuming there are no other signal sucking anomalies, we can access the mind drives of the other teams wirelessly from up here." The uncertainty in the other Primes was clearly making Russel restless. "Come on, we were explorers once, weren't we?" 

"Russel, I love you," Simone said. "And I will go with you across the stars and back. But you're right. That child is a problem." 

I made an irritated face at her. "Oh for god's sake, she has the blood. In fact, dibs on her as my next host."

The words felt like poison coming out of my mouth. I tried not to let my distaste show. 

"Simone, if we kill their leader, they will never follow us, and we need those people to serve us unless you plan on cleaning latrines," Russel said. 

She sighed. "Fine. Then we kill her sleeping army beacuse I promise you they are already talking about how to wake them. We brought enough mind-wiping fluid to erase them all in their sleep where they'll be perfectly preserved until one of us needs a new host." 

Miranda smirked beside me, clearly on board with Simone's proposal. "We'll never even have to know them."

Russel was the only one who seemed to have a harder time stomaching that. "Fine. But then it's to Beta. Agreed?"

Everyone nodded. I found myself frozen, trapped in a maelstrom of panicked thoughts. How was I supposed to singlehandedly stop this? I could count on my friends once they finished getting Madi safe from Sheidheda, but until then, I thought maybe just this once I was in over my head. 

"Josie, what say you?" Russel asked. 

I scoffed. "Are you kidding? It's brilliant. A little genocide, a long nap? What the hell. Let's be explorers."

Trying to keep my nerves under control, I led them through the hallways to the cryosleep chamber. For a moment I stared at all the people still asleep. What the hell was I supposed to do? I couldn't in good conscience just erase all their minds. Betray the people in the cafeteria, the people fighting in Sanctum. 

I cleared my throat, turning to Russel and Simone. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but...are we sure? I mean, it is the rest of the human race, after all."

Simone drawled, "You sound like your father."

Painfully accurate. A lump rose in my throat. Now wasn't the time to think about that. 

"Well, it's bigger than the tank on Eligius III, but this is where it goes," Simone explained, tinkering with the power box for the cryosleep chamber. "Give me the serum."

I stepped back, holding tight to the gun in my hand. "Just wait. Are you feeling okay? You look pale. Have you had any nosebleeds or memory flashes that aren't familiar?"

Simone looked baffled to say the least. "No. What are you talking about?"

Shit. I had to think of something fast. They were so close to figuring me out and it was getting harder for me to keep up the ruse. "Oh, it's something I saw in Y/N's mindspace. Abby had the same neuromesh as she did. I thought they destroyed it with an EMP but-" 

"Relax," Russel jumped in. "They did. I examined her before resurrection. I wasn't about to make the same mistake twice."

Melancholy weighed heavy on my heart. So now Clarke was truly as much an orphan as I was. Perhaps our parents could find comfort in each other in the afterlife, whatever that might have been. 

"Josephine. Give it to me," Simone ordered, clearly agitated with how slow the process was going. 

I jerked my arm out of her reach. Lips pursed, I kept my gaze pinned anywhere but the two people standing in front of me. There was no way I could continue this as Josephine. The truth was out in full force. Sparing a glance up, I saw their faces fall, despair carving an everlasting mark there. As much as I hated them, I didn't envy the feeling of losing their daughter. 

"No," Russel murmured, voice shaking. 

I raised the gun, pointing it at each of them in turn. Tears welled in Russel's eyes while cool hatred burned in Simone's. 

"No, not Josie," Russel cried. 

I backed away slowly, holding tight to the gun and the serum they needed to wipe the minds of everyone still in cryo. "I can't let you kill these people. Believe it or not, I am sorry for your loss." 

With that, I turned and raced down the hallways. Sure, it was dangerous to leave them behind. But I had the tools they needed. As long as I could it away from them, there was nothing they could do. I would win. Even if it meant I would never see anyone I cared about again. Sacrifice was something we were all far too familiar with. If everything went well, I wouldn't die. But I had a sinking feeling that was how this would end. 

Fingers shaking, I tied the thick yellow cord around my waist, securing it as well as I could with the little time I had left. As long as I could get rid of the serum, everything would work itself out. I hoped. 

My heart dropped to my stomach when the Primes rounded the corner, anger blazing, guns brandished. Immediately, I grabbed the lever for the airlock release, ready to flip it at a moments notice. "That's far enough! I set the inner door to stay open when I pull this, so you can put the guns down, or you can float."

Simone grabbed a pistol from the hands of one of her guards, turning it on him. Despite the impossibility of it, hope fluttered in my chest. "You heard her. Weapons down. Now."

"Abby?" I murmured, hardly believing my eyes. 

She turned to me, smiling, nodding her head. "Yes. It's me." 

"Simone, what are you doing?" Miranda, one of the other Primes, asked. 

Simone-Abby?-fired a shot at her. They all relented. Shakily, she turned her attention back to me. "Y/N, I've been pretending too. Now let's lock them up and go save Madi." 

My lip trembled. I had to be sure. No more mistakes could be made. "What's my father's name?"

A tense moment of silence passed. What hope had been fluttering in my chest crushed. Tears welled in my eyes. Abby loved my dad too deeply to not be able to know his name in a heartbeat. Sparing no further hesitation, I pulled down on the airlock release lever just as Simone whirled around to aim the gun at me. Intense suction tore through the tunnel, pulling on everyone standing in its way. The cord pulled taught around my waist and I prayed it would hold, even as Simone held tight to me, a desperate plea to save her miserable eternal life. 

I closed my eyes as the Primes were sucked into space. I never thought I would be responsible for floating anyone. 

Around my waist, the cord tightened and I could feel bruises forming. Worse, it was beginning to fray. Simone gripped tight to me, desperately clinging to life. Tears welled in my eyes. Staring at Abby's face, twisted in terror, made me sick. It wasn't her. I had to let her go. Hoping Clarke would forgive me, I pushed on Abby's face, kicked, until her grip loosened and she fell into space. 

Bracing myself for the fall, I pulled the airlock lever up, closing the door to space. I groaned as I slammed hard against the ground. Panting, I gave myself a moment to recover from shoving Clarke's mother out into space. I knew she was already gone, mind erased and re-inhabited, but it still felt so real. 

I untied the cord around my waist. Shaking, mind reeling, I staggered to my feet. Russel was still alive. And now that he knew I'd killed Josephine and all the other Primes, he was going to be out for revenge. I took a tentative step down the hall. It was time to face the music. 

Words toiled in my mind, trying to stitch together into something compassionate, something to break the news to Clarke. I wasn't sure I was ready. But standing before the door to the room where all my friends were locked up, I didn't have a choice. She had to know. 

The door opened. I strode in, gaze unfocused, still unsure how to process everything that just happened. It had been years since I'd killed anyone. I didn't miss the feeling. 

"Y/N!" Raven exclaimed, startled. I glanced at her. It seemed she was trying to hack into the Eligius mainframe to unlock the door. "How did you..."

"Shaw's failsafe code," I replied, voice flat. 

I sought out Clarke in the crowd. She was sitting in the corner of the room, knees drawn to her chest, eyes red and puffy. I sat next to her, leaning my head on her shoulder. Relaying the news of what I did to Abby was one of the worst things I'd ever had to do. A sob wracked Clarke's chest. I held her hand until it passed. 

"Where's Madi?" I asked, trying to keep my panic from overflowing. 

"Russel...Russel took her," Clarke replied, so quietly I almost couldn't hear. 

I squeezed my eyes shut. No. No. No. I expected as much but the reality of it was crushing. Not her. Russel was going to kill her. An eye for an eye. And I couldn't bear to see that happen. 

"We'll get her back," Raven reassured me, helping me to my feet. 

"No, you don't understand," I cried. "I killed his family and now he's gonna kill mine."

"I won't let that happen," Gaia said. 

The door opened again, catching everyone's attention. Russel stormed in, a legion behind him, Madi at his side. Conviction painted each of their faces, sending shivers of cold through me. 

"The demon awoke Wonkru," Indra muttered. 

Madi glared at Indra. "Shofup. Takeim gon kneela kaim yu gafa kom ru." _Silence. Kneel if you want to live._

My heart dropped. This wasn't Madi. Had she been lost to Sheidheda? That was the only possible explanation. I shared a terrified glance with Clarke. What had become of her? 

Tears streaming down my face, I dropped to my knees, not breaking eye contact with Madi. There had to be some glimpse of her still there. I never imagined I would be kneeling for anyone but if it could save her, then I had to swallow what little pride I had left. Beside me, Clarke did the same. The disdain with which everyone directed at us nearly made me crumple. 

Madi's empty eyes rolled over the two of us. "Lexa from Trikru said you were strong people. But you're as weak as her." 

Clarke bowed her head, stifling a sob. I grabbed her hand, desperate to comfort her. I knew what Lexa meant to her. As much as Bellamy meant to me. 

"Your love has made you so," Madi continued, and this time it felt like it was directed at me. 

Sharing an apologetic glance with Clarke, I pulled the gun tucked in my waistband and held it to my temple. I stared down Madi. Hands shaking, I turned the safety off and let my finger hover over the trigger. Would I really go through with it? I wasn't sure. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to leave Bellamy. But I had to try something. Madi loved me too. And I knew she was still in there, that she wouldn't want me to die. 

"Madi," I whispered, vision blurred by tears. "Madi, I know you're in there. Please come back to me. I lost my father. I can't lose you too." I paused, gauging her reaction. Something shifted, as if she was uncomfortable with the scene. So she was fighting Sheidheda. There was hope. "I'm gonna pull the trigger in three...two..."

Madi gasped. "Siez pame o gana." _Ta__ke the Prime and his men_. 

I dropped the gun and caught Madi as she leaped into my arms. Holding her close to me, all my worries melted away. She'd overcome Sheidheda. All that's left to do is get him out of her head for good. I pulled Clarke into the hug and the three of us cried in each other's arms. A family reunited. All that was missing was the rest of our friends fighting for their lives in Sanctum. At that thought, not even holding Madi could assuage my anxieties. If I came down and Bellamy didn't make it...I wasn't sure I could find it in me to remain peaceful. 

In my arms, Madi gasped and seized. Panic tore through me. No no. I couldn't lose her! 

"Get her upstairs!" Raven ordered. 

Jackson took her in his arms and raced to the medical facility upstairs. Clarke and I raced after, hand in hand, clenching so tight I feared we'd break each other's hands. I couldn't focus on what Jackson or Raven were doing as they hooked her up to wires. All I could do was hold her face in my hands. 

"Madi, I'm here. Listen to my voice. You can do this. You have to fight Madi. You have to fight!" I pleaded. 

"Once more with feeling," Raven muttered, fingers flying over a keyboard, eyes glued to a screen rolling with text I couldn't possibly comprehend. The waiting was almost more painful than anything I'd experienced. Just standing over my seizing daughter, waiting for Raven to get the bastard out of Madi's head. "Got him."

Slowly, she calmed. Her eyes shut and her breathing returned to normal. I sighed in relief. But it was taking too long. "Why isn't she waking up?"

Jackson picked up her limp wrist. "Her pulse is too weak." 

That panic swelled again. So close, and yet so far. 

"Wait, I know what this is," Raven said. "We have to take it out like you did with me after the EMP." 

I bit my lip. Commander no more. "I need a blade."

Clarke handed me a scalpel. Sparing no hesitation, I brushed Madi's hair from the back of her neck and readied myself to cut into her. My hand shook too much. Jackon put his hand over mine and gently took the scalpel from me. Grateful, I stepped aside to let him work. 

With skilled precision, he cut a thin line down the back of her neck. Black blood trickled out. Jackson asked for a forceps and with that in hand, dug into the incision. Everyone watched with bated breath as he gently pulled the Flame from Madi's head. The whole thing was lifeless. 

Gaia reached for the Flame, face crestfallen. She'd dedicated her whole life to protecting the Flame. And now it was gone. 

Madi inhaled deeply and blinked her eyes open. Smiling softly, I brushed some hair from her face. She was alive. And she was okay. All that was left to do was stitch up the incision and she'd be okay. 

"I'm here. Clarke's here. You're okay," I murmured, gently stroking her hair. 

Gaia crouched down next to me, tears silently trailing down her face. Madi looked at her, and the disappointment was hard to miss. "I'm not the Commander anymore."

I rose from my spot, letting Gaia talk that out with Madi. I enveloped Raven in a tight hug. "Thank you." 

"I'm sorry about Abby," Raven said, shakily. 

"Me too." I knew that they were close. Losing Abby had to have been as hard on her as Clarke. 

"Raven," Indra warned, prompting us to pull away from each other. She nodded towards the computer screen Raven had operated on to get Sheidheda out of Madi's head. The words upload complete blinked. 

My stomach turned over. "Where did he go?"

No one could answer the question. And I didn't care. The Primes were gone - all save for Russel, but I would deal with him later. For now, all I wanted to do was reunite with my family, my whole family. I could barely handle the anticipation.

Cresting the top of Sanctum, hand in hand with Madi, sun rising over the quiet settlement, I felt some semblance of true peace. Despite all the dead scattered on the ground, the quiet sobs, the stench in the air, the fighting had ceased. More was to come. But I felt like I could breathe for the first time since I'd gotten to Sanctum. 

The moment my eyes laid on Bellamy, I let go of Madi's hand, leaving her with Clarke. Jackson ran to Miller. Raven ran to Murphy and Emori. Everyone had someone to hug. Finally. Together at last. 

I myself raced into Bellamy's arms. Holding him felt like a dream. I'd nearly died. I wouldn't have seen his face ever again, nor heard his voice, nor felt the tender graze of his lips on mine. I clenched tighter to him, burying my face in the crook of his neck. He put a protective hand on the back of my head, hugging me close like he never wanted to let go. I didn't want to either. In his arms, I felt like I was home. 

We pulled away and I kissed him with a desperation for comfort unlike any other time we'd been together. With no danger immediately looming over us, I could savor the taste of him, really enjoy the glint in his eyes when he breaks into a loving smile. 

"I heard about Abby. And Kane," Bellamy said when we pulled away. 

My lip trembled. "I tried to do better. I did, and then I couldn't save my dad. I couldn't save Clarke's mom. Tell me...tell me it was worth it."

Bellamy brushed some hair from my face and cupped my cheeks. "Hey, hey. We did. We did do better. I have to believe that that matters. We're here together. Alive. And that's what matters." 

Blinking away a few tears, I nodded, and pulled him close again. I never wanted to leave his side. 

After everything calmed down, Bellamy filled me in on what happened with his sister, and the whole anomaly business. I tagged along with him, Octavia, and Gabriel to Gabriel's camp in the woods, curious to see where this led. Something mystical was happening and despite the tragedies, I couldn't ignore my curiosity. 

"I have to say, I'm very excited about this," Gabriel said. "I've been studying those symbols since we found the stone. We built the camp here because of it." He pulled up a hatch in the ground, revealing a staircase into the damp, dark earth. He dropped down, and the rest of us followed. 

Once the four of us were inside, Gabriel flipped a lightswitch, revealing a giant metal orb adorned with symbols hovering in the middle of the underground room. 

"The tattoo," Octavia whispered. 

"It's thousands of years old," Gabriel explained. "We have no idea who made it or what generates the magnetic field holding it up, but we're pretty sure it's what sucks in all the radio signals." 

"Some of the symbols on her back are red," Bellamy said, nodding to his sister's tattoo etched on her back. "Is it a code?"

"I believe so. We're about to find out what it's for. May I see the drawing please?"

Octavia handed Gabriel a folded up piece of paper. On it was a swirling symbol drawn over a series of symbols matching those on the orb. I shared a glance with Bellamy. What the hell was happening here? 

Gabriel exhaled shakily. "Moment of truth."

Gently, he pressed a series of symbols on the orb corresponding to the code. 

"What happens if you're right?" I asked, heart pounding with trepidation and excitement. 

Gabriel smiled. "I filled one hundred notebooks with possible answers to that question. The last symbol in the series is called an octonion. Advanced mathematics way above my head, but I don't think it's a coincidence you share a name." Gabriel gestured for Octavia to step forward. "Please. It should be you."

She did as he asked, pressing the last symbol, one that looked like an O. At first, nothing happened. But something shifted in the energy of the room. I interlocked my fingers with Bellamy's praying that we didn't just get ourselves killed. 

A strange, resonant sound filled the room, echoed above our heads, above the ground. Dirt rained down on us as the earth rumbled. 

"Oh my god," Gabriel mused. "I knew it."

He raced up the stairs. We followed after. Above ground, the wind whistled. An eerie green hue lit the world. That sound continued, so loud I could barely here my own thoughts. 

"What the hell is this?" I called over the roar of the wind. 

"She's here," Octavia said, eyes lost in another world. 

Ominous. Even more so when a woman emerged from the green light and stepped into the tent. Slowly, Octavia approached her, calling Diyoza's name. But it wasn't her. Octavia smiled when she saw the girl. "Hope?"

"I couldn't get out of it," Hope said. "He has my mother. I'm so sorry Octavia."

Hope enveloped Octavia in a hug. But something seemed off about it. Octavia slumped against her. Heart pounding, I put a hand on Bellamy's arm. 

"Octavia, what's happening?" He called. 

When they pulled out of the hug, Octavia collapsed. Bellamy caught her before she hit the ground. My gaze flicked to Hope's hand where she limply held a bloodstained knife. Immediately I raced to her, disarmed her and held her away from the Blake siblings. If she stabbed Octavia she might stab Bellamy too. And now way in hell was I going to let that happen. 

"No, no!" Bellamy cried, cradling his sister in his arms. 

A green light swelled over Octavia and she disappeared in a puff of smoke. Bellamy stared at his hands for a moment, grasping at the air. Our eyes met and the pain I saw in his gaze broke my heart. They'd just mended their relationship. And now she was gone. 

He raced out of the tent, calling Octavia's name. Forgetting how dangerous Hope could be, I released my hold on her, leaving Gabriel to take care of her. Wanting nothing more than to protect the man I loved from the grief surely wracking him, I followed him outside and pulled him into my arms. 

There was no telling what happened to Octavia. I couldn't do anything for her. All I could do was hold Bellamy and hope that my comfort was enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi y'all sorry I literally have no excuse for how long this took to get out. I'm so sorry and I feel bad. I will also be doing season seven, but I can't promise that will be timely either. I hope you all enjoyed this series so far and are having lovely days and staying safe and healthy!


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